The Empire

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Emperor Palpatine in his free time.

The Empire is a formidable dictatorship headed by Emperor Palpatine (also known as He-man Master of the Universe) and his wife Barbara Streisand.

After swearing that if George W. Bush was reelected that she would leave the country, she stayed. So the people of Earth gathered together and catapulted the talk show host into outer space.

After she hit the windshield of one of the star destroyers in the Imperial Armada, Emperor Palpatine reportedly said to her: "Hey Baby, what's goin down? You I hope" after seeing that she was a great master (or mistress rather) of the Dark Side. They allegedly waged a war against the Knights of the North and South Sides of the force and destroyed their planets using the Death Star.

It was then that a young fighter for the Light Side of the Force challenged The Empire.

Emperor Palpatine supposedly had his servant and Barbara Streisand's bondage slave, Darth Vader, dispose of the boy. Seeing that Darth Vader was only able to cut off the boy's hand, the Emperor told Barbara Streisand to punish Darth Vader.

History[edit]

Darth Dubya in an Empire photoshoot

The Empire was created by Jabba the XIVM just after coffee was invented (in these days he was known as Java the XIVM). There armed forces consisted of the highly corrupted Jedi order and freelancer Sith. When Jabba the XIVM died from a stroke, corrupted Jedi led by a little green man named "Yoda claimed the throne." "Yoda" threw the freelancers away from central planets and killed their mighty leader Oprah. People of the Empire were mostly humans so they elected the infamous Agent Smith to lead them. Luckily, Mr. Smith died soon and Yoda climbed back to golden throne of The Empire. When the microwave oven was invented, people started to claim useless things like: right to vote, human rights, and uncorrupted leaders. Because Yoda was a kind person (and because people paid him few thousand dollars) Yoda made up the Senate. Every planet was now able to vote for a senator to speak for them in senate. This worked pretty well and people were happy until pewpew laser guns were invented. Everyone started fighting and shooting each other for minor reasons like rape. Yoda thought that it was ridiculous and gave his job of leader to the senator Jabba the IOI. Jabba ordered the Jedi to fight for peace and they slaughtered every one who had no reason to live (or who didn't bride them). Jabba died just before the telephone was invented and then the present leader came to power. The Roman Catholic Church became the First Galactic Empire, and to ensure a secure society, The FBI promptly hunted down all the Jedi. When George Dubya Bush became a Sith, he attempted to kill Darth Cheney but failed. Darth Dubya soon felt it necessary to change everything and the people hated him for it, and Darth Cheney proceeded to shoot Darth Dubya in the face, leaving him scared and disfigured for life. Darth Dubya, for reasons unknown, declared war for combustion engines, even though everyone uses fusion which is much more efficient. After conquering all that opposed him, he destroyed the planet Taris because it was full of infidels (but mostly was just asking for it), he declared himself Pope.

Present[edit]

Jammier the Skyjumper was a powerful Jedi before he took lead over The Empire. As detailed in Star Worse article he fought against some sihts won and lived the end. The Empire is currently owned by Microsoft.

The Empire at War[edit]

The empire gets monthly a Norris Pass in which they cook into a taco. They then send that taco to their enemy, and once the enemy leader eats the taco, Chuck Norris Will expand inside his stomach until he explodes.


Known Rulers[edit]

Proof that whoever rules one also rules the other.

Known Wars The Empire was involved in[edit]

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Somewhere between Star Wars and Politics