The Great American Ho-down

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Dusty Rhodes VS. Randy Orton at the 2007 Great American Ho-down

The Great American Ho-down...what can be said about this event that hasn't already been said about carrots. The Great American Ho-down is the longest PPV in the WWE. Its roots date all the way back to the late 1800s back when the WWF was mostly about cowboys wrestlig ducks, chickens, cows, and occasionally grandma's thongs. The First Ho-down happened on July 4, 1885. It was a boring 4th of July for Rufus McMahon (grandaddy of Vince McMahon and first owner of WWF/WWE). Rufus was at home benchpressing the American flag with his penis but gave up after his daughter started making fun of it. Rufus so bored out of his mind that he challenged his daughter to a series of events, which included Who can drink more milk out of the cow's utters, who can fuck the family horse the longest before he ejaculated, along with plenty more family oriented games. But the one that stood out and would change the world forever was the wrestling match in the mud.

Rufus McMahon Vs. Suzy McMahon would end up being one of the most exciting matches of the following century, ending up as a battle royal after mom and son join in the fun along with the whacky neighbors the Van Halens and of course the farm animals. By the end of the match there were over 65 competitors, 45 human, 20 animals. At the end of it all though 18 people ended up dying and 3 animals ended up dying too. The rest were seriously injured but no one cared because it was so much fun. The winner of the bout ended up being Fluffykins the family cat after biting off Rufus' testicles off. Every year after that there would be an annual ho-down. By the time TV got around it would get televised and of course by then the WWF would be born. LONG LIVE THE GREAT AMERICAN HO-DOWN!!!

The next Great American Ho-down has been scheduled for half a month before the fortnight after tomorrow.

Notable events[edit]

The Great American Ho-Down 2 (1886)[edit]

10 black People defeated 20 white people in a racial massacre match Mr. General Cornwallis defeated the 18 street gangsters in a shoe stepping match

Moomoo the Cow defeated Frogger

Rufus McMahon Vs. Suzy McMahon in a Jewish Beatdown match

The Great American Ho-down 99 (1983)[edit]

AC/DC defeated Van Halen

Jesse Ventura defeated his steroid addiction....for 5 minutes

Hulk Eugene hogan defeated a Bowling Ball for the WWF Bowling Championship

The Ultimate Warrior goes on a rampage killing 10 shoes and the curren tpresident of the United States a box of cheese

Sir Oink-A lot defeated 10 humans and 10 animals in the Classic Pig Pen Battle Royal

WWF World Champion Rick James defeated Whitney Houston in a "Crack/Coke Sniffup Blowout match

The Great American Ho-down 100 (1984)[edit]

Hulk Eugene Hogan defeated Zach Gowen in a Leg Wrestling match for a cup lemonade

Shawn GayBGay Michaels defeated Jake 2 inch trouser snake Roberts in a Street fight

JFK and Bill Clinton defeated Marilyn Monroe and Monica Lewinsky in a Paddle match

  • Note:JFK Caught Monica with a roll up after interference from Jackie Kennedy and Hitler,Jr.

Led Zeppelin IV defeated Back In Black

Ric Flair defeated 10 chickens and 4 roosters for the Popeye's Championship

The Great American Ho-down 101 (1985)[edit]

Super Mario defeated Bowser in a Brawl and Panties match for the Hottie Championship

Broom defeated Mop

Gary Glitter rapes Darth Vader

Ultimate Warrior goes on a rampage pissing on his balls cuz of his short penis

Ren And Stimpy defeated The Rugrats

World Champion Bugs Bunny defeated Elmer Fudd in a carrot stabbing match

The Great american Ho-down (1990)[edit]

Bra And Panties Match:Ric Flair defeats Undertaker

Jason defeated Freddy in a 'Mom on a Pole' match

Chris Jericho and He who must not be named murder 76 people

The Great American Ho-Down (2007)[edit]

Gary Oak defeats Ash Ketchum's wimpy pokemon

Bill Gates dukes it out with Donald Trump leading to a no contest when both participants agree noone has the better haircut

Trish Stratus gets naked after the event about 89% of the audience leaves

50 cent defeats JFK for the rights on who should be on the half dollar coin

Jesus Christ passes out after drinking his father's wine

Dusty Rhodes buys a bell from Randy Orton and beats him with is

The Beaner Rebellion defeats Congress for the useless state of Wyohming

Triple H wins the big nose championship from Black Michael Jackson

A random hobo defeats John Cena for the WWE championship...the world rejoices in celebration happy that there's finally a person worthy enough to hold the title