The Great Pumpkin

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The Great Pumpkin in all his glory.


The Great Pumpkin is well known by children, because on Halloween, he rises from the pumpkin patch and gives good children toys.

Hitler was a prominant worshiper of the Great Pumpkin as seen in this photo of him in his ceremonial pumpkin mask.

Discovery of The Great Pumpkin[edit]

The Great Pumpkin was discovered by Linus in an attempt to impress his best friend's sister Sally. When Linus and Sally were waiting for The Great Pumpkin to rise out of the pumpkin patch, Sally gave up waiting, called Linus a blockhead and left. It was 11:59 PM when this happened, and Linus was distracted for a minute or two, and missed The Great Pumpkin. poop

Midnight on Halloween[edit]

Unlike Santa Claus or the Tooth Fairy or even the Easter Bunny, The Great Pumpkin requires that children see him, in order for him to give them toys and other gifts. The requirements are very strict because The Great Pumpkin does not take any crap and is a pagan God. Atheists, Agnostics, and Secular Humanists cannot see The Great Pumpkin, because they lack the faith to do so, and are spiritually blind. At the stroke of midnight on Halloween at any pumpkin patch, a manifestation of The Great Pumpkin appears and gives good children toys, gifts, and other things. Bad children are given Math homework, IRS audits, The Spanish Inquisition, and are forced to do community service for the elderly and retired people.

Other names The Great Pumpkin is known as[edit]

See Also[edit]