The Hills

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia.
Jump to: navigation, search
Whoops! Maybe you were looking for waterboarding?
For those without comedic tastes, the so-called experts at Wikipedia have an article about The Hills.

The Hills is a supposed "reality tv" show that started in (we didn't give a fuck to research when) and just screams out "GET A FUCKING LIFE". The thin premise of the show involves following a few Beverly Snob-billies around to see what they do in their day to day lives, such as using daddy's credit cards to buy a new dress, with a matching handbag, to fit their hideously disgusting pet dogs rats in, that they bought because of "coolness" tips from

As if 90210 wasn't bad enough[edit]

Well, if you have ever suffered from having to sit through more then 5 minutes of this garbage (or should we say shit, no wait, garbage fits better... how about shitty fucking garbage crap?), then you know that a Monkey with a stick up his ass to wipe the mud-poop on a piece of paper, could write better shit then this putrid pile of corn infested diarrhea known as "The Hills"

We can only guess as to why "The Hills" got the green light to air was people where sick of watching 90210 and getting hammered off their face when they would take a shot every time they saw a "Dr Pepper" logo somewhere on screen. No wait, that kinda sounds like fun... scrap that.

Who is responsible for this shit?[edit]

So what channel could possibly be held responsible for allowing such putrid piles of corn infested diarrhea and camel sperm on TV? Take a guess, the same dickheads who haven't had any successful ratings since they canceled "Beavis & Butthead, that's right... THEM. Now you have another reason to block that shitty fucking channel devoted to nothing but promoting "Teeny Bopper" shows and "music" that the rest of the planet can not fucking stand.

The Hills Have Eyes[edit]

Seen here is Mandy on her way to the beauty parlor for her daily $10,000 facial wax and has bumped into Emma and Jillian. Mandy is now explaining to them that she is about to get her facial done to make her look "beautiful" for Ryan, because she feels if she doesn't always look her best, Ryan will run off with a sexier man

After the first episode aired on (we still cant be fucked doing a Google search, we seriously just don't care when it started) over 70,000 people sent in their eyeballs with a note to explain that to avoid seeing this shit ever again, they ripped out their own eyeballs and have lost all hope in humanity all together when they heard this supposedly rated well. By the end of the season, the studios had received over a million eyes, which they took as "someone WAS watching, even for a brief moment" so we may as well make a season 2. If only those millions of people who ripped out their eyes after watching this crap knew that "ratings" are as fake as the "reality" & "No actors" of The Hills, they would sue them for damages... actually, the part about "No actors" is correct, or at least, wherever they went to "acting" school must have been run by someone like... Corey Feldman or someone.

Hollywood Seppuku[edit]

Brainstorming ideas for "The Hills" season finale
What every fan of THE HILLS needs

Hollywood supports "Hollyweed" by not knowing that Hollywood is whats killing Hollywood. With all the talk of illegal downloading of movies/shows/music etc, Hollywood like to put the blame on the innocent viewers by saying that when you download these things, you are costing Hollyweed money, and hence destroying the future of entertainment. Well, all we can say to that is, after viewing The Hills, we can't wait for Hollywood to fuck off forever, so that someone else can start making the entertainment we see, stop coming up with ideas written by 12 year old retards, and put some fucking money into whats worth putting money into instead of overrated fucktards like Nicole Kidman who demand a million dollars a movie. What person is worth a million fucking anything? And how the fuck does it cost 30 million dollars to make a low budget movie these days? It's not the people who are to blame, it's Hollywood, and copyrights, and taxes, and expenses, and fuckwits like MTV who come up with shitty fucking TV shows documenting bimbo's lives, so that same bimbo can see herself in ten years when her daddy fucks up his marriage by blowing all his money in Vegas with his cheap tart mistress, causes the daughter to become broke, realize she doesn't have "friends" who are genuine and wont speak to anyone worth under $800,000, finds out she has fuck-all talent, can't actually work a real job cause shes had everything handed to her on a princess platter since she was born, and finally ends up a worthless junkie who can't even prostitute herself cause she can no longer spend a fortune on make up and hair appointments, plus her plastic surgery has melted and her tits have sagged, her ass is a balloon and shes so poor she cant even shower, so her vagina stinks so bad anyone dumb enough to pay her for sex would take one whiff and demand a refund.

Seek Help Now Before It's Too Late[edit]

If you are a fan of this show, and actually enjoy it, don't worry, there is help available and you can be cured. The "Get a fucking life you bitch foundation" was formed in 1998 to help those suffering from enjoying Entertainment Tonight. Sure, not everyone can be cured, like the little faggots that escaped custody and created "TMZ", but don't worry, there is a large bounty on their heads and that SHIT will be executed soon, too. For now, if you want to help yourself, or know a friend who watches any of the mentioned shows, or any format of reality TV, or even if they said they found "Napoleon Dynamite" to be a funny and enjoyable movie, you can seek help from the GAFLYB Foundation, located at any supplier of suicide equipment. Please help this serious and needy cause, because if you enjoy The Hills, please, do the world a favor, and kill yourself today.