The Holy Church of Chemical Romance
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“What the gay?”
~ Oscar Wilde on THE HOLY CHURCH OF CHEMICAL ROMANCE
“Hallelujah lock & load!!!!1!”
~ 12 year old girl on THE HOLY CHURCH OF CHEMICAL ROMANCE
“LYK SRSLY, WHAT THE GAY1?!?!”
~ you on the purpose and morality of this article
“In Soviet Russia, Gerard Way lick YOU!!!!”
~ Russian Reversal on THE HOLY CHURCH OF CHEMICAL ROMANCE
“THE BLACK PARADE IS CUMMING!!!1!SHIFTONE!!!”
~ crazed devotee on on the apocalypse
“THIS ARTICLE CONTAINS NO PROPAGANDA WHATSOEVER!!!1!”
~ religious extremist on this article
“HCCR SAVED MY LIFE!!!1!”
~ emo kid on THE HOLY CHURCH OF CHEMICAL ROMANCE
“Can I join?”
~ Bert McCracken on THE HOLY CHURCH OF CHEMICAL ROMANCE
“No”
~ THE HOLY CHRUCH OF CHEMICAL ROMANCE on Hobosexual losers.
| This Article is about Future Events and has been made possible by Time Travel |
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| Fraternity • Tabloid Hysteria • Allah's Revenge |
Contents |
[edit] About THE HOLY CHURCH OF CHEMICAL ROMANCE
THE HOLY CHURCH OF CHEMICAL ROMANCE is an extremely unnecessary cultish religion that has often been slated as the KKK, but for creepy young fangirls (and fanboys) who like to burn people (like you) who call "the saviour" (Gerard Way) an emo fag and do inappropriate things with the action figure doll version of Gerard Way and those other guys who for some reason hang out with him.
The HOLY CHURCH OF CHEMICAL ROMANCE has yet to be founded, but it has been greatly prophesized by many great scholars, such as Gerard Way's publicist. It is also to be noted that many of the rituals (such as licking the TV screen when the saviour is seen and closet shrines) are already in use, though the church has yet to be officially founded.
But it WILL happen.
Just watchin' the signs.
http://i26.photobucket.com/albums/c124/Gerardluver_xoxox/gway3.gif
nvm. Just Gerard!
Anyways. The church will be founded after all the Gerards from all the parallel universes in existance perish in a tragic (and very comedic) incident destined to be the number one youtube video of all time; Lord Voldemort's ass exploding on a particularly nasty episode of the Jerry Springer Show. After however many days it happens to specify in the Gerard Way article, Gerard's spirit will rise from the ashes (though, fortunately the only part of his body they could find was his head, so he now lives in a fishbowl, and is fighting lawsuits against Panic! at the Disco and Futurama, thus ruining many of his followers creepy fantasies and any chance of Gerard ever getting a blowjob ever again...), and many (as many as specified in the Gerard Way article) rednecks will witness this event, thus creating an invincible legion of the two most gullible and cohersible demographics known to mankind: rednecks and 12 year old girls.
Gerard will decide that it is in his best interests to form THE HOLY CHURCH OF CHEMICAL ROMANCE, along with some other dudes from New Jersey who hang out with him to look more sane and attractive.
He will then become a travelling faith healer, and will perform brainwashing songs to coherse more people into following him hymns.
[edit] Reception
Since, by default, the most powerful people of the world are Americans, and since by default (see any election where Bush won) Rednecks are the most powerful race, and since by default (see popular culture, 12 year old girl theory) 12 year old girls are the most powerful age demographic, THE HOLY CHURCH OF CHEMICAL ROMANCE will dominate your soul.
Of course, the communists will be very upset by all of this, so they will try and brainwash you with tampered hymns and other such torture devices.
[edit] Contraversy
There are some people in the world who think this is total crap and would like nothing better than to punch Gerard Way, and anyone else affiliated with THE HOLY CHURCH OF CHEMICAL ROMANCE in the face until...
you are getting verrrrrrrry sleeeeeeepy
....WHAT CONTRAVERSY? There is no contraversy here...
[edit] Common Practices & Beliefs
[edit] Beliefs (all are extremely ludicrous!)
- Gerard Way is supremely cute, even when puking in a corner
- the apocalypse will come when Gerard's hair is not black and emo
- anything and everything Gerard Way does is lyk teh awesome
- Gerard Way loves you (HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!losers.)
- if you're falling from the top of a skyscraper, Gerard Way will catch you!
- Gerard Way is interested by your fanmail
- anyone caught making fun of Gerard Way will be FLAMED
- Gerald Way's real name is Gerard. Not Gerald. (n00bs!!!!1!)
- Gerard Way won't mind if you kill his
girlfriend??? by pushing ... er .. her? into oncoming traffic - he's lyk sooooOO00 smarT!
[edit] Practices
- making
weird and creepyslideshow movies on youtube - closet shrines
- does inappropriate things with
action figuresdolls - denies doing above
- has picture of Gerard Way tucked into their underpants at all times
- drool marks on all surfaces near things that may have ever displayed Gerard Way's face
- writes fanfiction
- FLAMES!!1! infidels
- prays to Gerard Way (writes fanmail)
- has so many images of Gerard Way that their computer crashes
- vandalizes offending uncyclopedia articles
- attempts (and fails) to create realistic drawings/cartoons of Gerard Way
[edit] Popular Hymns (alternate title in brackets)
- Smoke 'em High
- Wet-dook Will Never Squirt You
- Headfirst for Homos
- Spank you for the Venom
- Inoperable Tumor
- Sex with the Best Gay Ever
- Porn 'em Jail, (Kids)!
- Pubicles
- Welcome to the Jews and Gays
- My Way Home Is Through You(r ass).
- Im not so gay
