The Hunchblack of Notre Dame
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia.
“Yo Hunchblack, you left your keys at my place”
~ Jesus on The Hunchblack of Notre Dame
“Mercy, child, where in the name of Alabammy did y'all see that there film?”
~ An Alabama yokel on The Hunchblack of Notre Dame
“A black hero? Why not? It worked in Blazing Saddles, didn't it?”
~ Oscar Wilde on The Hunchblack of Notre Dame
The Hunchblack of Notre Dame is a 1978 Blaxploitation horror movie written and directed by Nelson Mandela, written as a spoof of the real-life story of The Hunchback of Notre Dame.
The movie featured an all-black cast except for Slappy Squirrel as Saint Mary, but at the time of it's release, it was absolute shit, and it wasn't until about 20 years later when some asshole was brave enough to write a good review about it.
Contents |
[edit] Plot
The movie opens in Paris in 1971, where Judge Codogo (played by Richard Pryor) enters the cathedral of Notre Dame and greets his ward, Quasi-Sambo (Michael Jackson), a disco-dancing caretaker of the cathedral. Codogo leaves a fruit basket for Sambo, which contains only a few Blackberries and some Black-Eyed Peas. Once Codogo is gone, Sambo throws the food away in disgust, shouting:
Hell! I is so mad at dat crazy old Judge keepin' me from all o' dem white chicks! I gotta get outta this place!
Escaping from the Cathedral with the aid of his Gargoyle friends, the Hunchblack takes to the streets of Paris. He befriends Winston (Daffy Duck), a local paedophile and rapist who shows Sambo the best place to pick up white chicks, an alleyway.
At night, the Hunchblack is seduced by Esmaraldah (Yoko Ono), an evil gypsy who wants to murder Sambo for his blood and to feast on his intestines. Sambo unwittingly follows her, and the two are immediately arrested by Codogo, who rapes both of them in the alley, before taking them off to the jail.
After a night of hard sex together, Esmaraldah and Sambo awake in the presence of the King of France (Robert Mugabe), who has also arrested Winston. The King gives Codogo the power to have all three executed at sundown that day by any way he chooses. The King himself will be watching from a safe distance. In his anger, Winston rapes Sambo to calm himself down.
At Sundown, the three are tied to a stake outside Notre Dame as Judge Codogo reads the last rites to the crowd as the King watches. Just as the flames begin to rise, a wind gushes around them, almost knocking over the Cathedral gargoyles and extinguishing the flames. Before them appears the figure of Saint Mary (played by Slappy Squirrel). She murders the King and Codogo by making them rapidly age. Using her powers, St. Mary puts things to right. Sambo gets to rape Esmaraldah ten times a day, and Winston gets his own inflatable woman to fuck whenever he wants.
[edit] Legacy
When it premiered in movie theatres, only a dwindling fanbase of Blaxploitation moviegoers enjoyed the movie. Others were put off by the light sex scenes and the lack of violence. At the time, Roger Ebert stated in Paedophile Weekly that:
It's a load of bullshit from start to finish. Who in God's name would want to do a movie about a black cleaner in Paris? It's just a loada bollocks!
In later years, Hunchblack remained largely forgotten until recently, when it was re-released onto DVD without any big fanfare. However, Oscar Wilde wrote a brief summary for it in Zoophile Weekly likening it to Blazing Saddles and Blackula. Since then, the movie has gained a slight cult following among diehard sexual predators in basements.
[edit] Full Cast
- Michael Jackson - Quasi-Sambo
- Richard Pryor - Judge Codogo
- Yoko Ono - Esmaraldah
- Daffy Duck - Winston, da Jesta
- Robert Mugabe - De King of France
- Slappy Squirrel - St. Mary
- Nelson Mandela - Glory-Child the Gargoyle (uncreditted)
- Osama Bin Laden - Mercy-Child the Gargoyle (uncreditted)
- Shadow the Hedgehog - Honey-Child the Gargoyle (uncreditted)
[edit] See Also
[edit] Similar Movies
[edit] Semi-Related Movies that Spoof this One
