The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time

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The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time
Greatdekutreeoot.jpg
The Deku Tree asking Link to touch his Deku Nuts.
Developer God
Release Date 1998 C.E.
Genre Action-Adventure
Platforms 1968 Chevy El Camino
Rating AO aardvarks only
Would Amy Rose play it? With gusto and your mom

The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time , Zeruda no Densetsu Tokay Wine no Ocarina (ゼルダの伝説 時のオカリナ ), is a videogame and a brand of Tokay Wine developed by Nintendo and published by Nintendo for the Nintendo Console with a Very Unoriginal Name. It was the first Zelda game to be done entirely in 3D and was followed by Labia Majora. It is considered by many drooling fanboys and critics to be the greatest video game of all time ever in the history of man kind (which I masturbate to quite frequently). The hero is a psychotic, terrorist-thief by the name of Link, who has been charged by Princess Zelda to steal someone's family jewels in order to fund her Triforce addiction, which Link inevitably accepts because he mistakes for a confession of love. Link misunderstands her and ends up stealing some guy's "family jewels" (if you get my drift) and hilarity ensues. Oh, and there's something about time traveling Ocarinas and a red-haired guy with a humongous yellow zit on his forehead with ears that make him look like Prince Charles. To achieve his goals Link travels through time using the titular ocarina; interacts with Hyrule's inhabitants (in more ways than one), especially Princess Zelda, a member of Hyrule's absolutely incompetent Royal Family; acquires weapons and items; slaughters every cute little forest creature he can find and solves puzzles in labyrinthine fish colons. All this is lies beside this sentece.

Bouncywikilogo5.gif
For those without comedic tastes, the self-proclaimed experts at Wikipedia have an article about The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time.


Gameplay[edit]

Ocarina of Time is a fourth-person killing game which takes place in the fictional kingdom of Hyscule, a very small, limitedly connected world. For some strange reason, Wikipedia says the complete opposite, which is blatantly a lie.

Link starts out with a relatively meager inventory but progressively rapes, pillages, and steals items and weapons from innocent people as the story progresses, leaving them defenseless against evil demons intent on ripping their hearts out. Actually, not even that; Link rips thier hearts out. Some new items are not critical to progress through the game, while equally many are absolutely stupid and pathetically useless rewards for completing optional side quests of varying to put on the back of the box.

As in previous Zelda games, the overworld contains several dungeons. How many is several? A lot, promises Nintendo. Of course the Japanese all have 2 inch penises so its a pathetic eight. Within most dungeons, Link must battle fetish-crazed women. A dungeon typically contains a special weapon, often needed to kill some innocent huge monster in the final room. Rip their heart out and feast on it in a satanic ritual to prolong his life.

Ocarina of Time included a feature called "BBQ-targeting". Basically, it allows Link to target on defenseless people, whom he can't kill, much to his disappointment. Luckily for him, it also allows him to target on innocent monsters, so that anything he throws will always hit them. Everytime. Even through walls.

Even though Link lacks the power to speak due to his parents entrusting him to a tree when he was a baby, his fault is soon made up for the fact that he has an annoying light bulb named navajo following him around, whacking him on the head and telling him to "listen".

He never does, even though the light bulb regularly gives Link vital information necessary to his quest, such as "Death Mountain sounds like a good place to visit," or "Hey! Those iron boots you have could sink to the bottom of Lake Hylia! Maybe that's where the next temple is!" Apparently, Nintendo's target audience does not know that metal sinks. Also if you cheat (which you will) the light bulb will keep asking you to do the same thing over and over. Forever.

Controls[edit]

  • Left shoulder (L1): Where Link keeps his girly sword.
  • Right shoulder (R1): Does nothing. Known to freeze the game.
  • Start button: Pause. But olny for you, enemies will continue to attack in the background as you spin about through the complicated menu for all eternity, even after you die.
  • joystick (giggity): Used to control Link in this totally open world game. Ahh... 1998.
  • A button: It is what it is.
  • B button: Cause The characters to stutter during cut scenes when pressed repeatedly. (fact)
  • Up C: Allows Navajo to spread her slandours filth that Nintendo claims to be valuable information on the game that in reality turns you Communist. Which is bad for some reason.
  • Left C: Allows you to use Meth.
  • Right C: Fingers Zelda. (listen for moaning, works olny with saround sound.)
  • Down C: The crash after you get High-C.
  • High-C: Secret button onlocked after using Left-C.
  • Z button: Uses BBQ-Targeting function.
  • Up Pad: IMMA
  • Left Pad: CHARGIN
  • Right Pad: MA
  • Down Pad: LAZERRR


Link can also be controlled using a separately sold attached headset. Buttons are assigned to various phrases. Example: To walk forward, you will have to shout "FORWARD!". If you want to move backward shout "GO BACK NOW!" And if you want him to poop, you have to shout "SHITE!" (Cleverly, this disguises as a violent verbal outburst. Just don't shit yourself out of excitement.)

List Of Known Microphone Commands[edit]

Forward - Link moves forward

Moonwalk - Link moves back

Left - Link moves left.

My other left - Link moves right.

Shite - Link soils his tights.

SWING - Link uses sword. This command isn't always accurate, it constantly gets mixed with the "SCHWING" command.

SCHWING - Link Teleports to The Mushroom kingdom and Rapes The Princess.

SCHWINGSAFELY - Link Teleports to The Mushroom kingdom and Rapes The Princess with protection, returns 2 months later to give her an abortion with a power star :) .

SnooPINGAS! usual I see - Link's cock becomes as large as Hyscule.

Think think - Link stands in the same spot. This has to be shouted into the microphone constantly for when it is not commanded, link runs around in a circle like a stupid dolphin, or in more rare cases, jumps up and down like a stupid monkey.

Pudding Pop - Link does his impression of Bill Cosby and sucks.

Pokeball, GOOOOO! - Link throws a pokeball and a random pokemon comes out and rapes either Link or the nearest innocent monster.

Do something for me that makes sense - Used to open doors pick up bottles, etc.

DO A BARREL ROLL! - Link will press the a and r button to execute a barrel maneuver. Takes up all 2kb of RAM on the Nintendo Shitty-Four

[any sound picked up with the microphone that isn't a command] - Link will sit and do odd things to pass the time i.e: (Leon and Cloud appear outta no where and they Circle jerk to a muffin)

Lunch Break - Pause game

Taking fire, need assistance! - Link turns away from you and say "Negative".

Do a barrel roll! - Link will turn around and give you the finger.

Protect the people! - Link will completely ignore you and murder as many people as he can, as well as those poor, innocent, monsters.

Can't touch this - Link run for his life.

Leon, help! - Leon from Resident Evil appears and saves him, but then he kills Link, because he was looking for Ashley

Fox, get this guy off me! - This is famous. An arwing appears and tries to help Link, but shoot him instead

Power Up - Robs Mario of his mushrooms and gets pretty fucked up

HADOUKEN!! - Link does a Barrel Roll.

Onward! - Link summons a giant pidgeon that is supposed to be his steed, but instead it pecks him to death.

Hey, Listen! - Tells Link to listen to the Fairy that always seems to find a way to get into the storyline.

Plot[edit]

Setting and Characters[edit]

The game is set in Hyrule, a hick-country created by three lesbians. When they left the land to have an orgy, they left a drug called the Triforce. The Triforce was sealed in another dimension called the "Sacred Ream", which is secured by the Apprentice Sword in its pedestal in the Temple of Clocks n' Shit.

Seven humanoid races inhabit Hyrule. The Hylians are a race which bear a resemblance to humans with the exception of their pointed elf-like ears, or so says Wikipedia. You know, they could have just said the Hylians looked like Elves, but no... Anyway, they are ruled by a totally incompetent king, whose daughter is the Triforce-addicted Princess Zelda.

The Kokiri are children who never grow up, created by the guardian spirit of Kokiri Forest, the Great Dick Tree, who makes the Kokiri touch his "Deku Nuts". They never age and never leave the forest, until Michael Jackson buys them and takes them to his bedroom for some Jesus juice. All Kokiri children have an annoying bulb of light which accompanies them throughout their lives. Link, the antihero of the game, lives among them at of the beginning the game. His closest friend is a Kokiri named Saria, who wants him really badly, but later gets captured by Michael Jackson and taken to the Forest Temple. Link chases him and slices his nuts off, resulting in the defeat on Michael Jackson in a very "Wicked Witch of the West" fashion (HE's Melting!!-HAHA, stupid gay diva). He makes sure Saria escaped without being "worse for wear"(nothing would have happened however, Michael hates girls). After he rescued her, Link finally asks her out, but she says she found out about Zelda, Malon, Ruto, Cucco Lady, and all 357 Lesbians. Saria dumped him on the spot.

The Morons are large, brown-eating creatures that vary immensely in size but all have beer guts and rock hard old man nipples[1]. They live in a city halfway up Death Mountain, an active volcano, hence their name, and are led by a pedophile, Darunia, who likes touching Link, also to whom Link must play Saria's Song so that he gets an erection. On the other hand, there's a bunch of fish people who live at the source of Zora's River, the kingdom's water supply. The river runs all the way through Hyrule to Lake Hylia, at the very opposite end of the kingdom. The fish people are ruled by some fat frog guy whose daughter eventually gets married to Link, even though Link already has two other wives, Saria and Zelda, but that's okay, they're all Mormon. The guardian spirit of Zora's Domain is Lord Jabu-Jabu, an immensely enormous fish with cows sticking out of the walls of his gut.

The Lesbians are an almost entirely female race of thieves who live in the desert to the west. Only one male is born to the lesbians every hundred years and that male is always made their King. The most recent of these is Ganondorf, a man with black armor and a huge yellow zit on his forehead. He's stupid because he wants to rule Hyrule when he could have made millions from selling hot lesbian porno.

Other notable characters in the game include Link's lightbulb companion Navajo, his horse Epona, the twin lesbian witches Twinrova (individually named Koume and Kotake) both of whom are Ganondorf's surrogate mothers, Zelda's hippy alter-ego Sheik, and the country-hicks Talon, Malon, and Ingo. Talon and Malon are highly reminiscent of the characters Marin and Tarin in the previous title in the series, The Legend of Zelda: Link's Awakening, primarily because they're Marin and Tarin's in-bred descendants. Additionally, a large chicken named Kaepora Gaebora advises Link throughout his quest.

Story[edit]

After accidentally setting fire to his father, a Great Dick Tree, Link steals his tree daddy's family jewel. (Yes, he only has the one). He makes a living selling Dick Nuts to Hyrule Town's population, which he does so at a scandalously high price, due to it having the same properties as viagra and also because Link accidentally killed the only source of Dick Nuts i.e. his dad.

In Hyrule, he meets Princess Zelda. She asks him to steal two more jewels in order to fund her Triforce addiction. He sets off, gets in a few scrapes, an encounter with a fat Moron and accidentally married to a fish. Later, Zelda, bitch-slaps him into the future, where he is seven years older and Good King Ganondorf rules effectively. (Under Ganondorf's rule, Hyrule Field is safer, he has protected the Kokiri children from Michael Jackson with his monsters, destroyed the bridge leading to a city of thieves and kidnappers, routed out a terrorist organisation that produced bombs, resurrected the extinct dragons, froze an evil cult that worshipped a man eating whale and overseen the flourishing of Kakariko Town).

Since Link is a lazy bugger and there are no cars around, he steals a horse from the local champion horse breeder and jockey, whom has been frequently seen slapping this beast. Link likes to give the horse carrots, which usually means slapping her silly. He rides her across Hyrule, pillaging villages, by burning their women and raping their churches. Of course, he also massacres the monsters that that protect the Kokiri children from Michael Jackson, screws around with Sage herb or something and kills Ganondorf's Generals, because Zelda told him to and Link is a brainless pawn in her plans to rule the world.

Link becomes a terrorist and wages war against Ganondorf's regime. Armed with Fire arrows, explosive terrorist devices, and some sticks, Link kills innocent monsters and eventually exterminates Ganondorf, so as to bring in a new era that would last a thousand years. "Drinks on me" and all that jazz. He then goes back in time and eventually stops his mother from meeting his father. Hilarity ensues, as he dressed up as Darth Vader and tries to scare his father into marrying his mother again. He warns Doc Emmett Brown about being shot, then jumps into his DeLorean and goes back to the future.

The Quest for the Bigmoron Sword[edit]

It is possible for Link to replace his starting sword for the much larger Bigmoron Sword by solving a vast puzzle involving trading various useless items for other useless items, until eventually someone just gives him the sword out of pity for his slavish obedience to the whims of every person who he ever meets. The exact sequence of trades necessary is outlined below:froog

  • Link starts with one red paper clip...
  • ...which he trades for a beer can ring-pull...
  • ...which he trades for a square of toilet roll...
  • ...which he trades for a set of chicken teeth...
  • ...which he trades for a Skip Sandwich DX
  • ...which he trades for a Bigmoron Sword DIY Kit from SwordMart...
  • ...which he trades for some magic beans...
  • ...which he trades for a one night stand with Paris Hilton
  • ...which he trades for AIDS...
  • ...which he trades for 16 other various STDS, seven only known to monkeys...
  • ...which *he trades for a sexual experience with a operating theater...
  • ...which he trades for a piece of advice from David Beckham ("Defrost meats before cooking")...
  • ...which he trades for the secret recipe for Juicy Fruit chewing gum...
  • ...which he trades for a knuckle sandwich...
  • ...which he trades for a one-way ticket to six feet under...
  • ...which he trades for a night with Michael Jackson...
  • ...which he trades for his basic human rights...
  • ...which he trades for a cell phone
  • ...which he trades for an iPhone...
  • ...which he trades for the secret of ultimate guitar skills...
  • ...which he trades for the intellectual rights to Wikipedia...
  • ...which he trades for the immortal soul of David Beckham...
  • ...which he trades for a single chance to regain his lost childhood innocence...
  • ...which he trades for the meaning of life, the universe and everything...
  • ...which he trades for 42...
  • ...which he trades for a private night with Zelda...
  • ...which he trades for a delicious, fablous, zip-zap zoulious, fantastic, craptactular prostitute...
  • ...which he trades for an exploration into his sexual orientation...
  • ...which he trades for the Bigmoron Sword!!!
  • ...which he uses to kill David Beckham, and takes the severed head...
  • ...which he trades for a red potion...
  • ...which he trades for a Charizard 1st Edition with extra sauce...
  • ...which he trades for his own copy of Superman 64...
  • ...which he trades for his dignity & masculinity back...
  • ...which he trades for a witty device placed in this list..
  • ...which he trades for a green paperclip...
  • ...which he trades for the source code to Windows...
  • ...which he trades for a Machoke so it evolves into Machamp...
  • ...which he trades for a pet iguana...
  • ...which he eats
  • ...which he shits out like he just ate Taco Bell
  • ...which shit he collects
  • ...which spontaneously becomes a tuba...
  • ...which he trades for a copy of the complete works of Tatl...
  • ...which he trades for Chuck Norris's roundhouse leg...
  • ...which he trades for a kick in the face...
  • ...which he trades for a giraffe...
  • ...which he huffs...
  • ...which he trades for a lightsaber...
  • ...which he trades to spend time with Dubya...
  • ...which he trades for midget wrestling lessons...
  • ...which he trades for the location of Elvis...
  • ...which he trades for Godzilla...
  • ...which he trades for a six pack...
  • ...which he trades for a name tag...
  • ...which he trades for operating theater...
  • ...which he trades for your mom...feel the burn...
  • ...which he trades for Waldo's location...
  • ...which he trades for <insert name here>'s wits (or lack thereof)...
  • ...which he trades for a garden gnome...
  • ...which he trades for a pimped out chicken...
  • ...which he trades for a French prostitute named Cloie with webbed feet...
  • ...which he trades for a tennis racket with a built in flashlight...
  • ...which he trades for a smily face sticker...
  • ...which he trades to Chuck Norris for a can...
  • ...which he later finds out if full of whoop ass...
  • ...which he trades for the new Vanilla Ice CD...
  • ...which he trades for a one night stand with Paris Hilton AND Nicole Richie...
  • ...which he trades for a hair from the non-huffable kitten...
  • ...which he trades for a blue paper clip...
  • ...which he paints red...
  • ...which he trades for the Biggermoron Sword!!!!!!!!!
  • ...which he trades for a small puppy...
  • ...Which he trades for a hot dog...
  • ...Which he trades for several bisexual pornos...
  • ...Which he trades for stem cells...
  • ...Which he trades for a stuffed lemon...
  • ...Which he trades for a copy of The Legend of Zelda: Majora's Mask...
  • ...Which he chucks out a -Generic random- window...
  • ...Which hits Chick Norris...
  • ...Which makes Chick angry and kicks the shit out of Link...
  • ...Which he trades for Lindsay...Lindsay, Lindsay, Lindsay...
  • ...Lindsay, Lindsay, Lindsay...
  • ...Lindsay....
  • ...Which he trades for a bleach wallscroll...
  • ...Which he sells on eBay...
  • ...Which he uses to buy a handgun...
  • ...Which he uses to kill 'Ol Lindsay, and takes the body...
  • ...And slices the head off, and takes the severed head...
  • ...Which he trades for a red potion...
  • ...Which he then drinks to find out it tastes like shit, getting the empty bottle...
  • ...Which is traded for another bottle, though slightly smaller...
  • ...Which is the pissed into to collect 'Link's discolored piss sample'...
  • ...Which he trades with a dwarf for the deep secrets of beard growing...
  • ...Which he trades for mechanical chicken construction lessons...
  • ...Which he trades for the long lost remote control...
  • ...Which he trades for the Bigmoron...Shield!
  • ...DO A BARREL ROLL!
  • ...Which he got bored of and trades it for the Bigmoron Sword!
  • ...Which he found out was fake.
  • ...Which he trades for your dick
  • ...Which he trades for the Not-so-bigmoron Sword!
  • ...Which he trades for a Back to the Future box set...
  • ...Which he finds out really sucks...
  • ...Which he trades for the deep secret of corn growing...
  • ...Which he trades for ye flask...
  • ...Which he later finds out that he can't get ye flask...
  • ...Then he wonders why in the world he cannot get ye flask...
  • ...He eventually gives up and trades sexual favors for a voice...
  • ...which he trades to Ursula for a pair of legs...
  • ...which he trades to the AMA for handicapped parking...
  • ...Which he trades for a used beetle buss
  • ...Which he trades for a bag of bagels
  • ...Which he trades for a hookshot
  • ...Which he trades for a hooker and a shot
  • ...Which he paints red
  • ...Which he trades for a pair of green pants
  • ...and then he stumbles upon a bigmoron sword on death mountain...
  • ...Which he eats
  • ...which he shits out
  • ...and then he cleans it
  • ...and then he takes the shit and trades it for wild jungle sex with pamela anderson
  • ...then decides to bone malon
  • ...then becomes a father
  • ...which he trades for an abortion
  • ...which he trades for a one night stand with Jessica Alba
  • ...then he sits on the sword
  • ...in his phat-ass form
  • ...Which crushes the sword so you trade the sword for the bottle cap
  • ...Whcih he trades for a bottle
  • ...Which he trades for a like like's soul
  • ...Which he trades for the country of octoroks
  • ...Which he trades for a car tire
  • ...Which he trades for a shot gun
  • ...which he uses to shoot Chuck Norris
  • ...But the bullet flies off his body
  • ...And he gives Link his autograph...
  • ...Which he trades for the Biggoron sword...
  • ...Which he trades for another Chuck Norris joke...
  • ...Which he trades for a shiny Mewtwo...
  • ...Which he trades for a Magikarp...
  • ...Which he trades for the one ring...
  • ...Which he trades for a copy of Garbage Pail Kids...
  • ...Which he trades for a pack of beer
  • ...Which he gives to Bigmoron to get him drunk
  • ...But he can't make another Bigmoron sword because he hurt his penis in the eruption, so he gives you a prescription
  • ...Which you trade for a penis frog
  • ...Which you use to make the world best penis drops
  • ...Which he trades for a vagina because he's a transvestite...
  • ...Which scrubs all the floors in hyrule
  • ...Which you trade for the big (i'm not compensating for anything) sword
  • ...Which he trades for a yellow paperclip...
  • ...Which he shits on and repeatedly slams the Ocarina Of Time up his ass into his G-Spot...
  • ...Which he trades for A Day In The Life Of Rihanna...
  • ...Which he finds horrible and buys a dildo to strap to his chest and call a penis...
  • ...Which he trades for a burnt dinner, eight punch marks and a divorce...
  • ...By now he's probably dying of his many sexually transmitted diseases on the way....
  • ...Should've gone to Specsavers.
  • ...And finally, Link curls up on the floor and cries about all the time and suffering wasted on this 'mini' quest...
  • ...Meanwhile Ganondorf is 'Tappin' Zelda and ruling Hyrule.


But of course when the sword breaks the process starts all over again, since it won't be in the same spot.

Development[edit]

A new Zelda was revealed with a technical demo shown at the 1995 SpaceWorld, and originally planned as an add-on to the sex doll 64. She seemed sluttier than the original, but that's completely irrelevant to the topic. A new Legend of Zelda game, however, was also shown at the 1995 SpaceWorld. The development crew for the game involved over 120 people, including stuntmen to take the place of some of the more important game developers for the more dangerous aspects of game coding.

The game also contains development code and text that does not exist. Leftover Japanese text in the item banks reveals that there were two extra medallions called the Break Wind and Vanilla Ice Medallions at one point in development. There is data that allows the medallions to be equipped as an item, allowing them to fart like a cow or rap really badly.

Release[edit]

Ocarina of Time itself gained a large amount of fat before release; consequently, only those who had pre-ordered the game had any guarantee of receiving a copy. Many copies had been preordered by McDonald's and were sold as Chicken McNuggets the following day.

Pre-ordered copies of the game were made from solid gold, even the circuits. As they were made entirely from metal, users were advised not to touch the cartridge when playing the game, as they would end up being electrocuted. Many Zelda fans committed suicide this way when they realised that Link still looked like a pile of polygons and not the sexy hunk they imagined him to be. Those who didn't pre-order a copy had to make do with a grey version made out of cardboard. This version was filled with many carbs due to the pre-release weight-gain and is rarely found outside of a fat household today.

Rumors[edit]

An early work-in-progress screenshot of Ocarina of Time shows Link receiving the Triforce from a treasure chest. This scene can only be unlocked once you kill a million monsters, play the Song of Time backwards a thousand times and then put Link's dick into the Pedestal of Time. Many rumours abound that you can actually do it another way. They're lying bastards, but you can trust me.

There were also rumours that the game would feature realistic graphics, instead of the sharp, jaggy polygons that make Link look as if he has no groin. Frankly, fans took those rumours as seriously as the N64's development name, "Project Reality". (As in, they lapped it up like the gullible morons they are). I mean, honestly, how stupid were you?

If you kill every chicken on the Lon Lon ranch, you can play as Chuck Norris for about ten seconds, then the game freezes. But if during that ten seconds you input the voice command 'Roundhouse kick', Chuck Norris will do so, utterly destroying Hyrule. The unfortunate side-effect is that the game system will explode in a huge nuclear explosion, mimicing Chuck Norris after he's eats a burrito.

A sequal, set in -9876 entitled The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina in Time, might be released in 2034, depending on the strength of the future currency: relish.

Audio[edit]

Ocarina of Time's music was composed by some random Japanese guy. "The music is culturally and worldly inspired", says Wikipedia, or in other words, it's bland crap that you've heard a million times before. In some locations, the music is a variation of an important ocarina tune related to that area i.e. the composer was feeling lazy and rehashed a song he'd already made for another part of the game. Mick Jagger produced the music for the game on his album "Hot Gerudo Lovin'"

Versions[edit]

Nintendo released many versions of the game, fixing bugs and things whiners complained about.

  • Version 1.0: The first release, made of solid gold.
  • Version 1.1:
    • Changes the color of Ganon's blood because people whined.
    • Fixed a bug that let you not have a sword, which for some reason allowed you to do all sorts of fun shit. Fun is not allowed so that had to go.
  • Version 1.2:
    • Changed some music because people whined.
    • Fixed a bug that let you cheat at the fishing minigame. Fishing is boring, so being able to cheat simply will not do.
  • Version 1.3:
    • Changed the grass behind the Deku Tree to a slightly lighter shade of green.
  • Version 1.4:
    • Fixed a bug introduced in version 1.3 that would cause the cartridge to explode after 4 seconds of gameplay because people whined.
  • Version 1.5:
    • Fixed a bug where if you ran into the same wall 65,536 times in a row, then dove into Lake Hylia and attempted to use the Fire Arrows at night, the lake would instantly fill with dolphins. Murderous dolphins.
  • Version 1.6:
    • Fixed a bug where every 17 days, some of the cows throughout the game would begin spinning extremely fast.
    • Replaced the opening cutscene with episode 4 of .hack//Legend of the Twilight.
  • Version 1.7:
    • Reverted to the original opening cutscene because people whined, and because it was a copyright violation.
  • Version 1.8:
    • Changed some boring unimportant aspect of the game program for no apparent reason.
  • Version 1.9:
    • Added support for controllers.
    • Changed the name of the game to The Legend of Zelda: The Cell Phone of Nauseous Gas 64 because people whined.
  • Version 1.10:
    • Fixed a bug where attempting to eat chicken and use the hookshot at the same time resulted in Link falling asleep.
    • Added the ability to rape sheep. However, there are no sheep in the game.
    • Demonstrated that the genius doing the version numbers doesn't know how decimals work, because 1.10 is the same as 1.1.

Ocarina of Time was re-released in two different forms for the Nintendo GameCube as part of the Ocarina of Time: Master Quest and Collector's Edition compilation discs. In both the Master Quest and Collector's Edition, the game was an illegal ROM instead of a port.

One significant difference in these versions is that Nintendo altered the original crescent moon and star symbol of the Gerudo to a design later used to represent the pirates in Majora's Mask, again due to Islamic protest.

Reception and impact[edit]

Despite the fact that it was available for only 39 days, Ocarina of Time became the best-selling game of some random year, with 2.5 copies sold. It went on to sell a total of 7.6 copies worldwide.

It wasn't only comercially successful, but was also a tremendous success as Navi is constantly saying stuff you know. Ocarina of Time was ranked second behind whatever game was ranked first on the 2005 edition of IGN's 1,000,000 greatest video games of all time, and came in first on the reader's hate list. Nintendo Power, a lobby group for Nintendo rights, called Ocarina of Time the greatest game to ever appear bearing that name. Pithy users on some website chose an Ocarina as their second instrument of choice. As a result of these and other similar statements, an Ocarina was placed first in the London 2012 Olympics. In addition, when the UK's N64 Magazine reviewed Ocarina, they delayed the full review by one month in order to understand how to play the damned thing. Finally, after an exhaustive review covering every reviewer in the magazine's favorite moments and some coverage of The Best Game Ever, the game was awarded 98 million% by the N64 staff, but I think they might be biased. The music from Ocarina of Time was razed by many critics, and GameSpot considers it one of the top ten million video game soundtracks of all time (it ranked 10 million). In addition, Ocarina of Time was one of the first games.

References[edit]

  1. Scott Ramsoomair. Some Sagging. VGCats. Retrieved on 2007-08-22.

See Also[edit]

Bouncywikilogo5.gif
For those without comedic tastes, the self-proclaimed experts at Wikipedia have an article about The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time.

Link