The Misfits

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******ALL I HAVE TO SAY IS WHO EVER WROTE THIS MADE ME LAUGH SO FUCKING HARD I CRIED AND PEED A LITTLE, YOU DID YOUR JOB WELL, DESPITE ME BEING A HUGE MISFITS SUPPORTER********

FUNNIEST SHIT IV'E READ IN A LONG TIME!![edit]

The Misfits, launching a counterattack.

Misfits was founded by Glenn Danzig (a horrifying creature presumably from Poland) and later joined by Only Very Jerry Merry Christmas (also known as Jerry Only). The Misfits is an extremely evil organization, and their goal is to spread fear, evil and horror all over the world. Why? Because you suck, that's why! But, anyway, they are disguised as a religious band, so the majority of mankind won't have any suspicion. To look religious, they are singing about killing babies, raping mothers, and nailing little girls on the wall - you know, just everyday things. Until they were arrested for causing the hell seeking riot of 1987. Luckily, a guard holding a key made the mistake of walking by Danzig, and Danzig choked the guard to death with his FUCKING MIND. Danzig escaped, taking Doyle with him and leaving Jerry behind, to form the shit band, Danzig. After 10 years of being some guy named Nancy's bitch in prison, Jerry was released from prison. After realizing he was Mike Tyson-broke, he formed the worst punk band ever, "The Misfits Without Danzig, But With Michale Graves Instead.."

The Misfit Crew[edit]

The Misfit Crew is the secret name of the members of The Misfits. They are responsible for everything bad in the world, such as the Plague, and George W. Bush. If you, for example, accidentally drop an elephant on your foot, you can be sure that The Misfits are behind it.

Current Misfis Crew[edit]

Only Very Jerry Merry Christmas[edit]

Jerry Only is the current leader of The Misfits; since 2000, when he sent Michale Graves to the his grave in Gotham Road. He uses the pseudonym Jerry Only or Der Santa Klaus. He often wears a red vest (which exposes his enormous muscles), black boots and a red knitted cap. His face is hidden with a huge gray beard and a devilock. Like Gene Simmons From KISS (Knights In Satans Service.) he goes on a merchandise spree from making misfits shirts, al the way to making misfits tampons and dildos.

ROBO[edit]

Boy, that punk surely is strange. We believe he's a mixture of a drum machine and alcohol, but we aren't sure. One thing we do know for sure (yeah, right!) is that ROBO is found of fluid (especially alcohol) but hates rust... which is kind of weird... Whatever. ROBO is nowadays planning how to rule the world. The plan includes computers and high quality hardcore porn sites. That's all we can tell, or else we need to kill you and ourselves (and we don't want that, now do we?).

Gez Gadiner Wiener[edit]

He's married to The Wiener shitzel van driver's mother since 1998, and they have three lovely children with heads shaped like penises. When the other members of the Misfit crew are doing cruel and terrible things, such as eating your food or bullying your kids, Gez is wearing a pirate patch and raping your dog, and also writing crappy literature. But that's also kind of evil. He's responsible for such porno scripts as "Miss Congenitalila", "Star Whores Attack of the Pubic Combs." and the best-selling title "Carolina Panthers Cheerleaders Bathroom Action". His scripts are sweaty and include sex between aliens and women or just women and women (the kind i like heeheehee). They all have a subtle messages, which tell you to join a club and have sex with monkeys in a public place... a bus or something... with chocolate!

Former members of the Misfit Crew[edit]

Glenn Danzig[edit]

See Danzig. In short, he went from Rock God to some fat slob's punching bag [1]. Now works as a director for tranny porn when not receiving blowjobs from your mom.

Michale Graves[edit]

When Danzig left the Misfits, they needed a new leader. No one respectable was willing to take the gig, so Michale Graves was chosen. Unsurprisingly, he wrote shit songs about monsters, anuses, and monster's anuses. One day, Michale smoked what was the last of Jerry Only's weed while on tour, causing Only's hair extensions to fall out. Since pissing off the boss is generally bad for employment, Graves was soon fired and told to get another supplier. Graves's last musical performance was in May 2007 at a local shopping mall in New Jersey, where his performance was upstaged by Marvelous Mel's Puppet Brigade. He was last seen running around the parking lots of supermarkets with his pants around his ankles telling people that he's found Jesus Christ.

Dr. Chud[edit]

Dr. Chud replaced that one douche-bag drummer that was before him (hell if I know). He played the drums until they found out that one of the drums had a human child inside that was badly hurt and missing one nipple, and Dr. Chud helped the kid by cutting off his own 4th nipple and sewing it onto the kid's penis. Giving him the nickname Dr.Chud, The Misfits kicked him out of the band for doing this nice deed, because he violated code 5 9 Echo Bravo: Thou shalt not help little pain in the ass kids. Dr. Chud is currently serving 10-15 years in a penitentiary for touching little girls where they pee.

Doyel wolfgang von Fuckenstine[edit]

Assembled by Jerry Only from spare body parts found in his backyard but . Bangs on his guitar because he thinks thats where Jerry put his brain and is trying to break it out.He can often be seen hanging around the mens section of pharmacies smell the the shaving foam (for sensitive skin)that he will later use to shave his massive chest with.

Fun Facts![edit]

The Misfits originally started as a cover band for Cinderella.
  • The devilock on the head of Jerry Only isn't real. It's actually a cat's tail nailed to his forehead.
  • They bite.
  • Jerry Only has 5 wives.
  • Mr. Jim never existed.....okay? JUST LET IT GO!
  • Your mother is a man.
  • Danzig killed your baby today. But it doesn't mean that much to him as long as it's dead.
  • He also raped your mother. But it doesn't matter much to him as long as she spread. Whatever the hell that means.
  • The leather jacket Dr. Chud has is his mother's skin.
  • Jerry Only eats babies.
  • Danzig wants needs your skull.
  • They aren't 138
  • Danzig is NOT a god damn son of a bitch, you better think about it baby
  • Danzig's voice can make anyone instantly orgasm, given the right conditions.

Discography[edit]

  • Bully (1978)
  • Donkey Business (1979)
  • Night of the Living Bread (1979)
  • We are 138 (1979) Jerry Only Says this song is about some robots, but he didn't write and doesn't know what the fuck it is about, it is about having two 69s simultaneously.
  • Underwear (1980)
  • 12 Shit Hits That Smell (1981)
  • Hall of Weed (1981) It's about VIOLENCE
  • Buy, Buy My Darling (1984)
  • Earth AD (1984) (You might think this is about how the world looks like, but you're WRONG! It's about an apple pie named Benny)
  • One Million queers BC (1000000 BC)
  • American Pie Coat (2000)
  • Reject 1950 (2003)
  • Friend Club(2004)
  • If you dont know any of this, you most certainly are not 138.
  • ROFL(2007)
  • LMAO(2008)
  • They came from Uranus(2009)
  • Dead Babies...There, We Said It (Whenever)

The hair[edit]

The devillock (also known as the "Lock of Seagulls") is the misfits sign of integrity, danzig had a full devillock, or frullet if you must, he had integrity all the way, stopped while time was up... Doyles hairline began to shrink as he joined misfits 95', but got out in time... he still got a nice devillock. Jerrys "Devillock" also began to shrink in 95, when he reformed the misfits and pretty much disappeared while he did "project 1950's"... next time we see him, he will probably be wearing a "Devil-wig"

See also[edit]