The Original Commandments

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God, originally Allah One handed Moses and Steve the commandments on the highest peak of Mount Arafat. Steve read them as Moses had lost his contact lenses after he had taken them out in the middle of the Red Sea - it's a pain when they get all condensed like that! Unknown to Moses, Steve decided to rewrite them in order to justify the theft and sodomy of his neighbours donkey. It is Universally agreed that God speaks English - (It is his jewish brother-in-law, Yahweh, who speaks Hebrew). Here are the 10 commandments as intended by Steve.

  1. There are only ten commandments and, in the event of the discovery of an 11th, the Supreme Court shall take a majority decision on it's validity.
  2. The commandments shall be written in crayon and on your parent's wall.
  3. In order to determine the most important commandment, Steve shall stand at the top of his staircase, throw them down and the one that lands the highest is the most important.
  4. The fourth commandment can be used to veto any other commandment, but only during a blizzard.
  5. The fifth commandment requires that one points and laughs at ugly, fat people.
  6. The sixth commandment can be bought onebay.
  7. It is illegal to worship any idol other than really cool ones.
  8. The Eighth Commandment is a gay commandment. It has two parts.
    1. be camp.
    2. fop 'til you drop.
  9. Any commandment that bullys another commandment shall be flailed and generally made fun of.
  10. The commandments when written (see 2) have legal immunity and must not be removed (the punishment for failing to comply is the same as that in 9).
  11. Steve is the man! Everyone else is a biotch! (ratified by commandment 1 procedure)