Benedict XVI

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia.

(Redirected from The Pope)
Jump to: navigation, search
      Whoops! Maybe you were looking for Poop?
Seen here with his Weapon of Mass Instruction.

“I'm going to make you an offer you can't refuse. Full dental.”

~ God to Mr. Ratzinger

“It can be said the Pope commands the largest army on earth, that is, the CATHOLIC ARMY! BWAHAHAHAHA....”

~ Pope Pius XVI, when asked to comment on The Crusades

Pope Benedict XVI, aka Mr. Ratzinger, aka His Holiness, aka Cardinal Sin (on Friday nights down at The George) is the Godfather's No.2 man and earth representative. He is responsible for handling his business interests, priest watching and infernal affairs and other matters of a flaming nature. He also cleans up after the Godfather's incompetent son who has taken a back seat role since getting himself crucified and who has diplomatic immunity in certain countries. His predecessor was smote down by the Godfather as he was getting a bit too big for his Gucci boots. Pope Benedict was brought forth when the coven of bishops got together for a secret circle jerk of ancient fluids and from the ensuing smoke and dust the new Pupae emerged to take care of things, you catch my drift? Boo ya!!!

Contents

[edit] Brief Introduction

Pope Benedict has done great PR by replacing the old baptism of fire with the new style head wetting routine. This has also led to an increase in population. He is considered a genius and is able to play the piano while speaking 7 languages far exceeding the job requirements of English and at least one other European language. He is currently studying Irish. He is yet to master the language of love.

Jesus? Jesus smesus! lol!

[edit] Biography

Benedict excommunicating Finland, Norway, and the North Frisian Islands.

Pope Benedictyl was born in approximately Strafford upon an Avon catalogue his mother was reading at the time. By the age of 12 he was competing in local genuflection tournaments, and before he was 30 he had won the national transubstantiation championship for a record-breaking four consecutive years. Known to be especially deadly with a censer, Benedict is a level 115 cleric. These incredible achievements did not go unnoticed and the precocious 40-year-old was fast tracked through the Papal Academy of Potential Popes, PAPS. While there he developed a friendship with Carol Waytojoyola. However Carol was way cooler and more fun and after he was voted 'Most likely to Succeed' they became rivals. His mother is known to start every sentence with the phrase 'my son the pope'. For example, 'My son the pope likes a pain au chocolat every morning. What times the next bingo bus?'. They have not spoken for 7 years. She has his phone number but he answers only to God. His father runs a pub in Doolin, the Dew Drop Inn, and will not speak about his son.

Seen here modeling his day and night looks.

[edit] Vatican Inc.

Under Pope Beidictat the Vatican has trebled its profits and now makes over 60% of its gross annual income from merchandising alone. As God forego a lump sum and gave the Bible publishing rights to Steve Guttenburg in 1972, instead requesting a percentage of each unit sold, he amassed over $180,000,000 in the following decade alone. This, together with the release of the New Testament, the Old Old Testament, the Old New Testament, Testament Times New Roman collectors edition, New Testament of Sgt. Columbo, the bonus edition with the 3rd secret of Fatima and a prologue by Anthony Hopkins and recently the Bible Uncut: What the Gideons Didn't Want You to Know has kept this revenue stream alive.

[edit] Official Vatican City ASCII

This is the only official ASCII art available of Benedict XVI. All others are cheap imitations.

………………………_„----//----„___
…………………..„-“” , , , , , , , , , ¯¯”~-„
…………………„” , , , . . . . . . . . . . . . , “-„
……………….„/”, , , . . . . . . . . . . . . . . , ,”~-„_),
………………/ , , , , . __ . . . . . . . . . . . . . , , , ,|….PADME IS DEAD!
……………..| , , , , . / : : ¯””~~------~~~””””~„ , /, “„………….__
…………….| , , , , , / : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : ::| , , |…………|: :\
………….,_,|, , /¯¯: : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : :| , ,|…………\ : :\......_
…………| -„ ‘\ , | : : : : : : : : : / : / : : / : : : : : : | , ,|………….\.: :\...( _”\
………….\ ,’ \ \ | : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : : :\ ,/_..............\: : \...) --\
…………..\ ‘;;\ | : : : ~~--„„__ : : : : : : __ : : : :\/¯, /…………..} : : V : : /
……………\ : :| : : : : :~„º „~”~ ; ; ;|~”0 ,”~ : : ;/ „”………….…/ :,-~~~~~\
…………..„-\_/; ; ; : : : : : : : : :;; : :| ¯””¯ ‘ : : : / /.../¯¯””~-„_../ : : ’~~-----„:\
……….„-“;;;;;| ; ; ; : : : : : :„-“ ; ; : : \ : : : : : : ; \\…..\ : : ;/ ; ;¯/ : : : : : : : ‘\
…...„-“;;;;;;;;;;;^ ; ; ; : : ;--“”; ;\ | ; : : | \ : : : : : ; /…….¯””~-„ : : : „----~~~”””- : |
„-~”;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;\ ; \ ; : : |_ ; ; ; ‘’~--~’¯ : : : : ; /-„_...............”-„: :"~~~---- : : : |
;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;\ ; \ ; : :| ;\¯””~~~~””/: : : : /:::::::¯””~-„__.......”~„_ ; ; : : : : ; /\
;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;\ \ : ; | : “”~~\~””¯: / ; ;/;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;¯¯¯”~-„__’\ ; ; ; ; :„-“ :\
;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;”„\ : ;\ : " " " " " : : :/ „”;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;\ --~”” : : : : \
;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;”-„; ~-,_; ;_,-~ „-“;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;\ : : : : : : :/|
;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;””~~----~~””;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;\~-----~””„--“\
;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;\~~~””¯ . . .\


[edit] Pope Eggs Benedict XVI in other languages and places

"Gooood...fresh...communion hosts..."
Pope looks like palpatine 02.jpg
Benny explains how they produce "white smoke".
  • Indian: man who dances with boys pants halfway on


Preceded by: Pope Benedict XVI
(2005 - 2035)



Succeeded by:
Pope John Paul 2.1 Dublin Drunken Popes

[edit] See also



[edit] External Links


Communism
Socialism | Marxism | Maoism | Leninism | Stalinism | Arseism | AHHHHHH!!!
All communists
Mao | Lenin | Engels | Marx | Stalin | Ass Hole | Meson |Bill Gates | You | Xorkx | Fred Jameson | The Most Evilest one of All


v • d • e
Freaky German Stuff
Varying geography: Germany - Austria - Switzerland (sort of) - That tiny country that may as well be Luxembourg - Frankfurt - Berlin - Vienna - Netherlands - Luxembourg - Scandinavia - Alsace - Belgium - East Germany (Zee memorable "Ostalagie", Ja?).
A Frightening people: Germans - Prussians - Bavarians - The Dutch - The Swiss - Luxembourgian - Liechtensteinian - Knut
Frightening leaders: Adolf Hitler - Otto Von Bismarck - Adolf Hilter - Darth Hitler - Heinrich Himmler - Dr. Paul Joseph Göbbels - Johann Wolfgang von Goethe, or "Gerta" - Albert Einstein - Bertolt Brecht - Benedict XVI - Kurt Vonnegut - Nietzsche - Fritz Lang - Leo Strauss - Angry German Kid - Karl Marx - Herman the German
Confusing language: German - German language (there's a difference) - German grammar - Grammar Nazis - Umlaut - Umlaut monster - Hegel - Kant
Unnerving Musik: Rammstein - Einstürzende Neubauten - Kraftwerk - Johann Sebastian Bach - Ludwig van Beethoven - Wolfman On-the-dais Moatsart - Gus Mauler - Paul Hindemith - Oomph! - 19-hour-long operas about gods wearing bear skins and helmets - Scooter
Shameful history: World War II - Nazism - Swastikas - Holocaust - Lolicaust - Berlin Wall - Death camps - 2002 Germany airplane sexual intercourse - Angry German Kid's Unreal Tournament account - ClayPigeonSite

5109 Rating: 0.0/5 (0 votes cast)

Retrieved from "http://mirror.uncyc.org/wiki/Benedict_XVI"
Personal tools
on Uncyclopedia