Benedict XVI

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Seen here with his Weapon of Mass Instruction.

“I'm going to make you an offer you can't refuse. Full dental.”

~ God to Mr. Ratzinger

“They aren't so bad, once you get to know them.”

“Religious questions? Does the Pope **** in the woods?”

Pope Benedict XVI, aka Mr. Ratzinger, aka His Holiness, aka Cardinal Sin (on Friday nights down at The George), aka Popatine, aka Papa Nazi, aka EPIC BENT PEDO is the Godfather's No.2 man and earth representative -Not to be confused with wrinkly guy off star wars who can shoot lightening, though we acknowledge the striking similarities. He is responsible for handling his business interests, priest watching and infernal affairs and other matters of a flaming nature. He also cleans up after the Godfather's incompetent son who has taken a back seat role since getting himself crucified and who has diplomatic immunity in certain countries. His predecessor was smote down by the Godfather as he was getting a bit too big for his Gucci boots. Pope Benedict was brought forth when the coven of bishops got together for a secret circle jerk of ancient fluids and from the ensuing smoke and dust the new Pupae emerged to take care of things, you catch my drift? Boo ya!!!

Brief Introduction[edit]

He became the new pope after the old one died of "natural" causes.
"Gooood...fresh...communion hosts..."

Pope Benedict has done great PR by replacing the old "baptism by fire" with the newer "head wetting" routine. This has also led to an increase in population. He is considered a genius and is able to play the piano while speaking 7 languages, far exceeding the job requirements of English and at least one other European language. He is yet to master the language of love.

He is considered to be a master of the Dark Arts, especially in the ways of the Sith. He is a Level 3 Sith Lord and is considered very dangerous. He killed a trainee while teaching him due to the lackey's lack of appreciation when he called Benedict "Lord of the Shit!" He ment it as a joke but Darth Benedict wasn't laughing that day. The ashes of his trainee were used as an Herbal Tea for the sick.

Jesus? Jesus smesus! lol!

Biography[edit]

Benedict excommunicating Finland, Norway, and the North Frisian Islands.

Pope Benedictyl was the fourth of eleven children born of a virgin in a garage in Dusseldorf. By the age of 12 he was competing in local genuflection tournaments, and before he was 30 he had won the national transubstantiation championship for a record-breaking four consecutive years. Known to be especially deadly with a censer, Benedict is a level 115 cleric. These incredible achievements did not go unnoticed and the precocious 40-year-old was fast tracked through the Papal Academy of Potential Popes, PAPS. While there he developed a friendship with Carol Waytojoyola. However Carol was way cooler and more fun and after he was voted 'Most likely to Succeed' they became rivals.

Pope Benedict's mother is known to start every sentence with the phrase 'my son the pope'. For example, 'My son the pope likes a pain au chocolat every morning. What times the next bingo bus?'. They have not spoken for 7 years. She has his phone number but he answers only to God. His father runs a pub in Doolin, the Dew Drop Inn, and will not speak about his son.

In his free time between masses and exorcisms, the pope indulges his love of fast cars and fine communion wafers. He was arrested in November 2009 after a bloody altercation with a theater patron who complained that the pope's hat was blocking the screen. While awaiting trial, he was hospitalized for injuries he received when mauled by a tarantula during high mass.

Seen here modeling his day and night looks.

Vatican Inc.[edit]

Come to the Dark Side... we have pants-less boys....

Under Pope Beidictat the Vatican has trebled its profits and now makes over 60% of its gross annual income from merchandising alone. As God forgo a lump sum and gave the Bible publishing rights to Steve Gutenberg in 1972, instead requesting a percentage of each unit sold, he amassed over $180,000,000 in the following decade alone. This, together with the release of the New Testament, the Old Old Testament, the Old New Testament, Testament Times New Roman collectors edition, New Testament of Sgt. Columbo, the bonus edition with the 3rd secret of Fatima and a prologue by Anthony Hopkins and recently The Bible Uncut: What the Gideons Didn't Want You to Know has kept this revenue stream alive.

Official Vatican City ASCII[edit]

This is the only official ASCII art available of Benedict XVI. All others are cheap imitations.

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Preceded by: Pope Benedict XVI
(2005 - ?)
Succeeded by:
Pope John Paul II Fadda Murphy

See also[edit]