The Queer Famine of 1792

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The Queer Famine of 1792 was a severe, worldwide famine that caused the near-extinction of the world's queer population. As a result, the minority heterosexual population wrestled power from the ruling queers.

Possible Causes[edit]

The origins of the famine are still under dispute, but many bored people have invented a number of lies about the famine to pass the time. The most generally accepted theory, first codified by Belgian Prime Minister Alan Alda[1] is that the famine had something to do with the Nile's water withdrawing from its shore much earlier that usual during its yearly inundation, resulting in fewer babies from the local populace for the Queers to eat. However, this theory perhaps fails to account for the worldwide impact of the famine.

"This is your final test!"

Besides the aforementioned Nile bullshit, it has been theorized that Rosie O'Donnell sent her droves of vagina panty monsters (also known as "Mini Rosies"; pictured right) to destroy all male queers, but that the Mini Rosies turned against both sexes of homosexuals.

Effects[edit]

For the two weeks that the famine was taking effect, the worldwide economy was thrown into turmoil. Haiti, then the world's richest nation, quickly lost its standing in the world after they lost access to their designer shoes. Calvin Klein, a straight fashion designer, tried meeting the world's fashion needs in the queer's absence, but his products were of lesser quality and didn't properly accentuate the Italians' ass in their jeans. The famine is widely believed to be the first root of the First World War, as it put Moussilini into power.

Trivia[edit]

  • Over 43 billion fags and dykes died in the famine, drastically changing what used to be a primarily homosexual world. It was not until the Fag-Straight War that the world returned to its pre-famine natural homosexual ways.

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References[edit]

  1. Alda, Alan, Beers, Steers and Queers: How 'the Love That Dare Not Speak Its Name' Once Ruled The World Princeton University Press, 1959