The Rescuers
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A spoof of a Disney classic, based on the Holocaust, and with Mr. Stalin as Mr. Snoops. |
“I like the sublimal message”
~ Topless woman on The Rescuers
“Faith is like a bluebird”
~ Christian idiot who obviously doesn't know bluebirds are stupid on The Rescuers
The Rescuers (originally Bianka no dai Bōken, or The Great Adventure of Bianca in Japanese) is one of Disney's most important movies ever, and was directed by the notable Wapanese director Don Bluth. The story entitles two rats, Miss Bianca and Bernard, who save an orpan girl named Penny. It was a smash-hit at the box office, and was opened up to bunchs and bunchs of praise. It shows how evil Hitler was, only he is represented by an evil bitch called Medusa. The MPAA, or should I say, the Motion Picture Association of America, had rated this NC-17 due to extreme torture and extreme racism such as Jew, Jap, or spic. No one cared. No really. This was considered one of the worst of all for an animated movie. The movie that followed, however, Kitsune to Ryōken, was, instead of being offenseive, just plain flat-out awesome. That movie has a fox teaming up with a Bloodhound Gang.
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[edit] Plot
The movie starts when a bunch of rats receive a letter from a bottle of Russian champagne with a message inside. Such message was written by an Austrian girl named Penny, who was kidnapped by the evil communist fag Medusa. In order to form a pact between Norway and Swenden, the chairmen sends two lab rats (one from Hungary) to save her (which is absurd, given the fact he could had used the whole army of rats). The two rodents then go to the USSR by using the Italian albatross Orville, sent by Walt Disney. Upon their arrival to the island, Medusa's sovietic army sends atomic missiles; afterwards, her communist slaves, Stalin, Lenin and Trotsky, go after the rodents, only to be murdered by the inhabitants of the swamp the rats managed to convert. It is later revealed that Medusa's plan is to use Penny to get the Tsar's Eye, which contains the Five Year Plans. Fortunately, Medusa is eaten by a Grue and sent to a concentration camp, and Penny is rescued and sent to a caring family. And in the end, she learns that a caring family is better than joining Nazis like Medusa.
[edit] Characters
[edit] Miss Bianca
One of the rats that went to save Penny
[edit] Bernard
The other rat; castrated in the end.
[edit] Madame Medusa
An evil, hateful, arrogant communist whore/bitch who despises anything that doesn't belong to the German/Nazi race (except herself, obviously), and desires to get the Tsar's Eye. She belives she's prettier than everybody else even though she's as ugly as hell. It's also reveled that Medusa has no real eye lashes, and she likes to strip-off in the bathroom. Not to mention she even picks her nose. And her ears. And at one point she even picks Mr. Stalin's nose when she says "You're too soft!". And she says Penny is ugly. PFFT! Ugly my ass!
[edit] Penny
An Austrian orphan girl who was kidnapped by Medusa. At one point she gets hypnotized by Medusa, as Medusa is hypnotizing. She convinses Penny that she is ugly and picks her nose, even making Penny pick her nose. However, she is knocked out with a brick and forgets everything. This typo of scence (villian hypnotizing a girl) is later seen in The Black Cauldron.
[edit] Mr. Snoops
Medusa's sidekick who is only in it to get a share of the Tasar's Eye. But being the bitch she is, Medusa won't share. Fuckin' bitch. Also, he doesn't even have to pick his own nose! She picks his nose for him!
[edit] Lenin and Trostky
Medusa's and Stalin's pet Baikal Seals. They are very agressive, so if you see a seal in freshwater beware or you'll have your butt biten off.
[edit] Rufus
A Jewish cat who lied when Bernard and Bianca asked him what happened to Penny saying that she run away instead of being kidnapped. Well, tectonically she DID run away, but was captured by Medusa and hypnotized into picking her nose. However, because of his actions he was sent to a concentration camp at the end of the movie.
[edit] Evinrude
A Japanese dragonfly who aids the rats. Later murdered by Medusa for not being a Nazi.
[edit] Orville
Mussolini's albatross reincarnation. He died bombed by the sovietic army.
[edit] Importance to Everyone Who Ever Lived
Not only is this movie awesome, it was Disney's first attempt of promoting why Hitler's ideals were evil, a policy that is still practiced. This was later copied by Warner Bros. with their movie Happy Feet, only it wasn't shown as evil.
[edit] Sequels
Disney later made the movie The Rescuers Down Under The Grotto, which follows the adventures of Bernard and Bianca while saving a Korean girl from a monster known as Cthulhu. It had an insane opening night in the USA; this was helped by the appearence of an troll Totoro, something that inspired creationists. It was also praised by the critics, who enjoyed the horror scenes and the other forms of torture.
Then they made the movie The Rescuers Down Under Your Son's Shirt, which follows the adventures of Bernard and Bianca while saving a Serbian boy from a British pedophile. Unlike the first two movies this one had a poor stripper performance in USA, due to the appearence of an eagle Sapeornis, something that pissed off creationists. Still, it was praised by the critics again, who enjoyed the sex scenes and the anti-semetic brutality.
