The Rock
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“I hate that damn nigger...or wetback”
~ Racists on The Rock
“The Rock sez....”
~ Tails the Straight on The Rock
“IT DOESN'T MATTER WHO THE ROCK IS!!!”
~ Oscar Wilde on The Rock
“Oscar Wilde needs to shut his mouth, go down Know Your Role Boulevard, which is on the corner of Jabroni Drive, and check himself directly into the Smackdown Hotel!”
~ The Rock on Oscar Wilde's quote
“Who wants a nice big piece of my poontang pie?”
~ Creepy Old Lady on poontang pie
Finally, Dwayne Douglas Johnson (born May 2, 1972), better known by his former ring name The Rock (also referring to himself as "Kreishean Louvres" or "Fred Flintstones" and always in the third-person), has come back to Uncyclopedia! The Rock says, that The Rock is, the most, hardy man in sports entertainment today and a current American film actor. Among The Rock's infinite list of accomplishments, The Rock was a nine-time world wrestling champion, being the most quoted by dumb-ass jocks who think they're clever, and winner of the 2000 Royal Rumble. Most importantly, The Rock is Fred Flinstones, the "people" being the millions...*prolonged inhale*...upon millions of Rock fans. The Rock's arch rival is Vin Diesel who has bigger tits than him. When he's on the toilet, he often shouts "DO YOU SMELL! WHAT THE ROCK! IS! DOING!" Then Jim Johnston plays a gay tune.
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[edit] Ethnicity
The Rock's race has been a major object of controversy. There have been spectulations that The Rock is half-grizzly bear and half samoan. Other sources claim the Rock is in fact half-black, half-samoan, half-mexican and half-egyptian. On the set of "Scorpion King" the Rock was overheard saying "can a nigga get some water up in this bitch?!?!" Also on the set of "Race to Witch Mountain" when someone had spilled water on the Rock, the Rock exploded into a tirade in spanish then proceded to body slam the perpatrator. Somehow the Rock is related to Chuck Norris, prompting the possibilty of Cherokee ancestry. The Rock is accepted as "universally brown". Rumours stated that the Rock is actually Turkish, thus explaining his immortal powers.
[edit] Can he defeat a Grue
The Rock is one of the few people who can defeat a Grue, with others being Chuck Norris, the Terminator, and King Kong. After all, a Grue cannot withstand the mighty power of The Rock's bottom. Because of this, he has earned a Nobel Peace Prize, because by killing Grues, he saves Kittens, but everytime he kills a Grue, God hurts Chuck Norris.
[edit] Laying the smacketh' down
The Rock says that The Rock or "The BEDROCK" (as said once by Vince "THE CRAZIEST CRACKY DICKHEAD") was the Greatest, most athletic and uncharismatic, AND I MEAN.. the most uncharismatic wrestler to have ever wrestled in wrestling. Along with his grandfather, several members of The Rock's family are current and former professional wrestlers, including The Rock's uncles, the Wild Samoans (Afa and Sika Anoai), and cousins such as the late Japanese wrestler, Yokozuna and former tag team wrestler Rikishi. When The Rock declared The Rock's intention to join the family business to The Rock's grandfather, The Rock's grandfather agreed albeit reluctantly to train The Rock himself, warning The Rock that he would not go easy on The Rock. With help from veteran wrestler Pat Patterson, The Rock secured a tryout with the local wrestling circuit. Impressed by The Rock's talent and charisma, The Rock was nevertheless beaten frequently, due to The Rock's initial physical condition and general incompetence. But later he transformed Super Saiyan style (like they do in Dragon Ball Z)into the 3rd Rock from the Sun and started electrifying people and electrocuting jabronies like Stone Cold, who liked to get layeth the smacketh up and that's the bottom line because Stone Cold is an asshole.
The Rock started The Rock's successful wrestling career with the WWE in 1996, under the ringname "Flint Rockhead". The Rock, within two years, secured the WWF Nohead Championship through The Rock's plethora of incomparable talent and charisma, rather than through a faked match like all other wrestling matches are.
When The Rock transitioned from Rocky Maivia to The Rock much like a butterfly transitions from a worm, The Rock became more abusive to the mmmmmillions...*prolonged inhale*...and millions of Rock's fans. This tactic was successful in gaining The Rock's approval amongst The Rock's mmmmmillions...*prolonged inhale*...and millions of Rock's fans. Some jabronis, maybe even like yourself, think The Rock is overly charismatic, but IT DOESN'T MATTER WHAT the fuck your mum THINKS!
The Rock, during The Rock's lucrative career as the greatest wrestler of all time, feuding with some of the best in the industry (and Triple H) which include; Mankind, Stone Cold Steve Austin, Wyclef Jean, Ken Shamrock, Hulk Hogan, Kurt Angle, John Cena and Mr. Doodles. They have all gone one-on-one ...*waits for crowd to stop repeating what the Rock says*... with The Great One.
[edit] Signature moves
- Flint's Stones
- Ngeeeeee!!!
- The Rock-shooter(Not stolen from Bret Hart's Sharpshooter)
- Pressure Drop
- Float-over DDP
- Samoan Drop
- Pulling down his pants to reveal his quarter pounder, then he grabs a hold of the base and layeths the smacketh-down! upon his opponents anal passage way.
- Turning various objects sideways and sticking them straight up Jabroni's candy asses
- The People's Eyebrow (an extremely dangerous maneuver, banned by the now PG 12 WWE)
- The People's Testicle Smasher(a running and then elbow on ya' nuts dangerous attack.Randy Orton seemed unnafected)
- The People´s Cooking (seems that The Rock likes to cook, so the attack is throwing food, but I think to smell first it to be effective)
[edit] The Rock and "The Pose"
The Rock's most famous pose, lifting The Rock's gen***ls with a clinched ****, so simple yet so meaningful. As we all know The Rock operates under two simple rules. The first being; The Rock never loses; and the second; if by a freak a nature, an act of god, or a pie to face, The Rock actually loses, then refer the fuck back to rule one jabroni. Don't judge The Rock. In one case when The Rock was twelve, The Rock lost a game of The Rock, The Paper, The Scissors against a class mate. The Rock chose The Rock but the class mate chose The Paper; this seriously upset The Rock ending The Rock's 12 year reign undefeated in everything including strudeling pies. After this shocking event, The Rock of course raised a brow and laid the smack down on that sumbitch.
[edit] (Over)Acting career
The Rock aspired to be an actor for many years. Since The Rock's career interest rekindled, The Rock has submitted several unreturned scripts to various actors, hoping that they might "hook a brother up." The Rock has starred in such award-winning films as The Scorpion King, Walking Tall and Doom(the review had the same title as well). The Rocks wants to do a live-action version of Johnny Bravo soon. The Rock has also had a great deal of interest in hosting The Rock's own cooking program, but television producers told The Rock that The Rock would have to come up with a clever catchphrase. The Rock has had some trouble doing so. The Rock's most recent idea has been, "If you can nasal-l-l-ly detect, what The Rock...is preparing in the Rock's kitchen!"
[edit] Not to be confused with
- The Rock, a nickname for St. Mary's Correctional Facility, a minimum security prison.
- The Roc, a giant bird from Gibraltar, where they speak Gibberish.
- The Rock, a nickname for the island of Newfoundland.
- The Rock, a radio station, founded 1984 BC. It no longer exists, due to competition from newer, "electro hip hop" radio stations.
- The Rock,second year high school student in the Asia
- The Rock, a nickname for a football (as in "why is the rock made out of pig-skin?")
- The Rock, a song by Doctor Who.
- Da Rock, a rock in front of Grandest View College in Des Moines, Iowa.
- The Rock, a nickname for that heavy, stone-like thing outside.
- The Rock, a black man curled up in a ball at the beach.
- The Rock, a hard object that can hurt someome if you throw it at them.
- Rhizopus, a common bread mould.
- The Rock, an epic love story starring Nicholas Cage and Sean Connery.
- The Rock, an extremely impressive hard as a rock; Cock!
- The Rock, An extremely hard shit that feels like one is passing a hedgehog.
- The Rock, The conjoined testicle that nestles inside your Fathers underwear.
- The Rock, a nickname for an orange ball that black people shoot through a hoop (i.e., a basketball).
- The Rock, a solid drug substance.
- The Rock, a stone that people think are magical cure for breast cancer but those people are retards like John McCain. (Its true Cindy McCain, and if you're reading this tell John that we got it on with your mom last night. Hahaha.
- The Doc, 88 MILES PER HOUR!
- The Sock, His good friend (actually enemy) Dick Foley's counter part (aka Mister Socko (aka Mister Cocko))
[edit] See also
