The Sandman

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Dr. Phil was a young man from the town of Illinois, America, and had a reputation for rapping. He was commonly known as Dr "The Sandman" Phil, since his raps were usually very soft and hyponotic, like sands in an hourglass. Not much is known about this person, as he stayed mostly to himself and didn't have many friends.


Dr. Phil was born on March 9th, 1992, to a small family of country folk who had a very large oven. He was bought up from an early age on music, as his father would play soft music during the day on his classical guitar which was named gilbert. This has led to much speculation on how this influenced his rapping career. One day in 1998, Dr. was hit in the head with a baseball bat for saying the wrong things to a gang of thugs. He grew a big bruise on his forehead and was taken to hospital within a hour. After this incident, it seemed Dr. gathered a vast amount of intelligence.


When Dr. was only 8 years old, he ran for parliament but got rejected due to being underage, although the majority wanted him voted in as he was the best man for the job. This isn't an example of Dr.'s massive amount of intelligence, something that all were surprised at. He also participated in the famous "Best Damn Hamburgers" competition in Idaho at the age of 10, winning by 6 hamburgers. His opponent was Mike "Burly Joe" Urquhart, who proceeded to throw a rampage after the event at the local park, injuring 6 stand-byers who were caught in his wrath. Rapping is obviously Dr. Phil's biggest achievement. The Sandman has made such valuable musical contributions such as "Who the Fuck was That", recorded in early 2000. It sold a whopping 200,000 CDs, which was big for someone who had lived fairly poor all his life. Another popular song was done in mid-2002, entitled "Jonathan Stole My Fucking Coffee the Bastard". This sold considerably less than Who the Fuck was That, but Sandman claims he enjoyed making his second single better.

Criminal History[edit]

Sadly, in 2005, Dr. "The Sandman" Phil was imprisoned for causing the death of 17 New York citizens, including 6 teenagers. Dr. was walking towards his car when suddenly 6 gang members tried to rob him. According to his testimony, "I had the thoughts of those boys who beat me when I was young, and I just lost it". Sandman pulled a pistol from his pocket and fired, narrowly missing one gang member to accidentally hit an elephant who was passing by in a New York parade. "The elephant just went crazy then, almost as crazy as when I showed my homie Marcus my giant pe--" Sandman suddenly stopped in his tracks, as his lawyer told him to sit down. The elephant went wild, and immediately stomped on 5 marching band members to a horrible gruesome death. The elephant went around stomping and killed an additional 6 members of the band before it rampaged towards the gang and squashed them all. Luckily, Sandman had climbed into his car and left before the teens could comprehend the situation. On Feb. 6th, 2006, Dr. Phil was sentenced to 8 years prison, with no parole.