The Story
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The Story is a non-fiction work by countless individuals across the world, contributed to by legends such as Queen James of Cydonia, Alexander The Fifteenth Section 12.4 and Cat. It can be described as a collection of words following no pattern or formula of any kind, and yet it encompasses all important facts since the 9th century. The basic essence of The Story is vanilla, however, there have been many other ingredients added since its inception.
The premise of The Story is simple: After much delibaration, an author writes a single word by hand before passing the torch on to another. The authors should hope to create a smooth flowing sentence while retaining an element of comedy, the former being very difficult to achieve in most cases. The text that follows is a short excerpt from the first chapter of The Story, entitled "The Scourge". It should give you some idea of the magnitude of this work:
"Breasticles explode violently over Bob the rapist and atheist because my bucket craves unnatural pleasures within itself. Friendship lovejuice combined with lubrication and pepper corns surprisingly creates fish paste. Ribena reacts spontaneously and destroys worlds."
You will notice that even this short passage is an unparralled source of information.
[edit] Chapters
The Story - entitled Elephant Undergarments Are Flowers - consists of ten chapters, each with a unique title and "humour factor". The outline of this system is displayed below (the number in brackets is the corresponding humour factor of the chapter).
- The Scourge (10)
- The Unknown (9)
- The Battle (8)
- The Reckoning (9)
- Broken Minds (7)
- Dangerous Times (6)
- Return of the Nightmares (5)
- The Sigil of Redemption (7)
You may recall the mention of Bob in the previous excerpt. He is just one of many principle characters in the work, alongside others such as The number cruncher of West France, Breast lizard Bernard and David. The characters frequently endure dangerous carnal acts whilst entertaining the audience with Tourettes-style shouting. Here is an example:
“RAPE!!” screamed David after masturbating over himself. Monkeys possessing testicle cancer and no balls often make David masturbate quickly. “You bastard fucker slave.” whispered King, waving nobends around violently. Queenie sucked cocks yesterday, willingly kneeling on King’s arse. Jane sucks balls hard!! “Ouch! That felt fucking brilliant Jane!” cried Queenie.
[edit] History
The Story took fourteen years and seventy-seven seconds to complete, breaking the world record. It is a vast work, totalling ten A4 pages of handwritten dialogue and facts, some of which contain scribblings of pure Science. The authors have all been placed under constant surveillance and must obey strict guidelines dictating when sleep can occur, and it is understood that the reasoning behind this is senseless.
What follows now is a sizeable chunk of The Story, which should give you untold pleasures and knowledge.
Hard tarmac decimates your soul! As ever, I rub bathsalts caringly into men joyfully whilst inserting giant ants’ cocks hastily into myself. Never have sex with Mexicans unless elements agree, otherwise you won’t live. Dinosaurs need orgasmic pleasure using artificial toys and liquids otherwise they stop. Bus conductor Jim died. Batman ate grapes rapidly whilst sucking grapes rapidly. Hormonal reproduction infects grape production because grapes infect hormone reproduction and grape-juice rapidly sucks Batman’s grapes, rapidly reproducing hormones. Penile grapes extract spermicides from Queenie’s arse hair. Terrible problems occur during intercourse when grapes reproduce hormones covered entirely with jewellery made in Taiwan badly. Once again, I spasmed because James pulled me cunningly. “Yes! Please continue you evil banana, fuck me sideways and upside-down banana-boy!” screamed cocksucker Pete. Licking slaughtered pigs enflames castrated eggs beyond belief; however, aliens don’t castrate goldfish without anal ideas popping ears and arousal demonstrations.
For more information, please see Westside Story in your local theatre.
See Also
