The War on Cute

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“May God help us all.”
~ Oscar Wilde on The War on Cute
“The heck with that! You're on your own this time!”
~ God on Oscar Wilde
The airport terminal shooting spree.

It has been accepted by widely that the exact start of The War on Cute began when a kitten started a shooting spree at an airport in New York state, the kitten acted in response to the growing act of Kitten Huffing. Already slightly into the Human vs. Kitten War, the public outcry spawned a round up of anything with fur. Fear that kittens maybe disguised as little woodland creatures or dogs led to the horrible genocide, known today as the Night of a Thousand Furs. This event in turn caused the banning together of several species to strikedown mankind in a single blow. Thus began the War on Cute.

The Axis[edit]

The Kitten Front.
Kittens: Kittens have displayed tremendous resistance to counter attacks by the Human Front and they generally make up the majority of the force. Their tiny claws and purring have made many a soldier go mad and blow himself up. If encountered by a kitten it is best suggested that you fired every single bullet you have in your defense to flee with at least three of your limbs still attached (yet horribly mangled) and live. If you are not a member of the army or have run out of ammo then you are already dead and rotting. Sucks to be You!

Bunnies: Bunnies have sense of stealth unmatched by any regular human. Their ability to hide is only matched by Ninjas and Waldo. Not much is known about them as they are rarely seen on the battlefield due to their ingenious camouflage.

When hiding, bunnies are virtually undetectable if they are wearing a pancake. Here is an enhanced image of a possible bunny possibly wearing a pancake.
" you don't see me but youd like to".

Squirrels: The level of damage your average squirrel can do is minimal, but this doesn't mean they're harmless. Squirrels have been known to tear a man clean in half and had no sign of remorse by doing so. The role they play, however, is limited due to their participation only happening in areas with plenty of nuts.

A typical squirrel.

Butterflies: More pretty than cute, butterflies have been itching for an all out assault against humans for those displays that feature them with impalements through the abdomens of their fellow comrades. Their role is usually as an air attack with consist of their razor sharp, delicate wings being used to pierce the neck and spinal column of unsuspecting civilians.

The Allies[edit]

We're f*@#ed.
This is the part where you start crying.
Die painfully and slowly.


Ah, La Resistance! Fighting for the survival of mankind are normally the greatest threats to us all. But due to several circumstances, their is a decent chance that people worldwide won't become slaves not fit to even clean the mold off the filthiest toilet known to the entire Universe.

Xenomorphs: Normally content with mutilating people and killing innocent creatures with extreme prejudice- the Xenomorphs have been agitated by an invasion onto their territories by the Axis. Not a huge help considering they slaughter and spill huge amounts of blood on both sides and pretty much kill as much of us as the enemy. But some help is better than none.

The Fat Kid: How we got this desperate we will never know.

A Three legged Heart: Where would we be without it?

Smegmuffin: What the fuck is that anyway.....

What's next? The Grues,Eurgs, Anti-Grues, or the almighty Eurg-Itna?