The Yardbirds

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Yardbirds Biographical information Homeworld Crawdaddy, Queenland, USA Physical description Species Too Cool for Art School Gender Male Height 1965 Hair color Mixed Chronological and political information Era(s) 1960s Affiliation Mickey Most, Simon Raper Bell, Georgio Golmolski, Peter Grant, Tim Leary, Ho Chi Minh, Gen. Giap, Ms. J. Edgar Hoover, Slim Harpo, Chuck Berry, and Illuminati
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“You're FIRED!”

~ Yardbirds to Jeff Beck

“I QUIT!!”

~ Jeff Beck to Yardbirds

“Cause he's FREE!”

~ Director explaining why he chose Jeff Beck over Pete Townsend to smash his guitar in the cult stinker "Blowjob"

“Lead guitar!”

~ Yardbirds when asked what part Religion plays in the group

“Someone said I should be proud tonight; and I bloody-well am! Because I kicked them out. Fuck me!”

~ Jeff Beck speaking at the Rock n Roll Hall of Fame induction of The Yardbirds

The Yardbirds were created by God as His back up band. At the dawn of creation God said "let there be rock!" and the Yardbirds immediately became manifest, along with 'COOL', mod gear, hash and Rizla papers. Originally called "The God Blues Band", The Yardbirds joined forces with God Himself when they accepted the love of Eric Clapton (who, being all-powerful, transformed later into Jeff Beck and then Jimmi Page).

Renamed The Yardbirds, they developed as a sacred musical cabal from Crawdaddy Village in the USA State of Queenland (Species: TooCool4ArtSchool-sapiens), who are mainly noted for launching the careers of the "Super Three" or the three greatest BASS players in history, viz., Paul S. Smith, Jimmi Page and Chris Dreja, aka "The Bass Gods".

The Yardbirds invented Psychedelic Music, e.g., Shapes of Things, and occasionally Shit Rock such as "Ha Ha Said the Manager". Their music often incorporated "fuzz tone" and "feedback" and "noise" as well as the infamous "Rave Ups" (don't ask).

They are held in the same esteem as the Virgin Mary. Their numerical sign is "999". They are one of the only rock bands ever accepted for sainthood by the Church of Rock (so far only Keith Relf has come forward to receive the award) along with stalwarts like Hendrix and Joplin.

The Yardbirds practically influenced more garage bands than any other group in history. The Yardbirds even influenced The Beatles who were just too damn tight, and The Rolling Stones who were just too damn loose, until they heard The Yardbirds. Thus The Yardbirds are the most influential band in the history of universal creation. Believe it!

Contents 1 Guitar Interference 2 Founded hippie music & hard rock by accident 3 Mathematical History of The Yardbirds 4 Crime & Punishment in Yardbirdism 5 Yardbirds Trivia: 6 Famous Yardbirds Quotes 7 Yardbirds' Hit Songs 8 Current activity 9 Also See 10 External Links

[edit] Guitar Interference

Inspired by guitar feedback, distortion and noise, the band managed to record some hits. Unfortunately the band was forced out of business when the guitar interference grew too sever. In an effort to save the band the members checked into the Mickie Most rehabilitation clinic, but Most deemed them to be Count Rockula and pounded a commercial wooden-nail through their hearts. This unholy union resulted in the devil child, Little Games album, which spawned the worst song in the world, e.g., "Ha Ha Said The Manager."

[edit] Founded hippie music & hard rock by accident

They are credited with starting hippie music by accident. The Yardbirds are the only band who are considered founders of Yardbirdism which transmuted into "Psychedelic Music" which further degenerated into hard rock. The final power cord ending the solo on "Shapes" reverberated around the cosmos giving birth to a new sound: METAL.

Check Out The Yardbirds

[edit] Mathematical History of The Yardbirds

• Mud + life = VirginMary
• VirginMary + Yardbirds = EricClapton
• Yardbirds − EricClapton = JeffBeck
• JeffBeck − Yardbirds = JimmyPage
• JimmyPage − Yardbirds = LedZeppelin
• LedZeppelin − JohnBonham = Mud

[edit] Crime & Punishment in Yardbirdism

• Charge - not digging the Yardbirds. Sentence - terminal uncoolness by tomato throwing squad.
• Charge - thinking anyone is a better guitar player than Clapton, Beck & Page. Sentence - One week locked in a room with Twisted Sister playing "We're Not Gonna Take It!" live.
• Charge - thinking any band on earth comes even close to The Yardbirds. Sentence - you are prohibited from listening to the Yardbirds for 3 solid years.
• Charge - thinking any guitar solo is better than "Mr You're a Better Man than I". - Sentence - two weeks locked in an echo chamber with Dick Dale playing lead guitar.
• Charge - thinking the Clapton Yardbirds were as good as the Beck Yardbirds. Sentence - Three weeks locked in a room listening to Layla.
• Charge - thinking the Page Yardbirds were actually the Yardbirds. Sentence - One year listening to "Ha Ha Said the Clown" 100 times daily.
• Charge - thinking The Yardbirds came from the blues. Sentence - locked in a room for two weeks listening to Robert Johnson thumping on a wash board.
• Charge - thinking that Clapton is NOT really God. Sentence - you must join The Moonies.
• Charge - thinking that Jeff Beck WANTED to break his guitar in Blowup. Sentence - two years marching backwards in the Polish Army.
• Charge - thinking any song to be MORE innovative than Shapes of Things. Sentence - one year in a room discussing Voidism philosophy with G. Gordon Liddy.

[edit] Yardbirds Trivia:

• Singer Keith Relf was not electrocuted playing guitar, it was a harmonica.
• Like, Jeff Beck invented the lead guitar solo. Dude!
• According to the Yardbirds feedback and distortion are GOOD.
• Keith Relf was the first person to sing "I'm A Man" like a women.
• The band appeared in the movie "Blowjob" featuring the three bass-gods at once.
• When a Yardbird's song is played backwards you can hear parts of the Dead Sea Scrolls.
• The existence of the music proves the Yardbirds are NOT a myth (Exhibit A: Music)

[edit] Famous Yardbirds Quotes

• "I'll wear a bleedin' bird cage on me head with a parrot on a perch shoutin' 'fuck off!'"---Jeff Beck in 1967 describing his relationship with the fans at the next gig - to The Misunderstood's singer, Rick Brown.
• "What do you bloody mean, 'No lead guitar' in For Your Luv?"---Eric Clapton (also see God)
• "Thomas Edison MIGHT have discovered electricity, or gravity, or whatever; but I discovered feedback"---Jeff Beck
• "You don't need money! No, no, no!"---Band to the World
• "You don't need money! No, no, no!"---Manager to the Band
• "I ran out of frets!"---Beck explaining why he devolved into noise at the end of I'm a Man.
• "Why did I make you do that!?"---Jeff Beck to Keith Relf after smashing his harmonica.

[edit] Yardbirds' Hit Songs

The Yardbirds had many hit singles. Some of the most memorable are: 1) For Your Glove, 2) I Ain't Got Glue, 3) Da Allah is Blue, 4) Soul Full of Heart, 5) Got Luv if you like it or not, 6) Light-stack Smoking, 7) Mr your a goddamn asshole, 8) Straight, straight, straight, straight, 9) Shapes of Things (to come), 10) Hopeless 10 Months Time From Now, 11) Talk, talk!, 12) Still I'm Poor

[edit] Current activity

The Yardbirds, particularly Jeff Beck and Samwell Smith, have repeatedly reformed the Yardbirds to perform charity shows for the Illuminati, "New World Order" PR concerts in support of the Amero.

In a later album of old Yardbird covers, viz., Birdland, they invited all the world's greatest guitar heros to try and emulate Jeff Beck on his solos from the mid '60s, but this proved a dismal failiar, and only adds further proof to the belief that neither Jeff nor Eric are actually God.

[edit] Also See

The Misunderstood whom Rolling Stone Magazine called "The British Yardbirds."

[edit] External Links

• THE Yardbirds Get Real