The way

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“When the dragon is strong within you, you shall hit the club scene and let your dragon lead you to your next conquest - That's the way of the Dragon!”

~ O'Sensei on The way of the dragon
a good way to go

Not much is known for sure about the Way, but there is endless information about people who are trying to find it. In 1979, Richard Alpert (the guy who wrote the drug book, not the guy from Lost) once came within inches of finding the actual Way, but the mushrooms wore off and he became a guru instead.

Theories on the Way[edit]

Many people ask, "What is the Way?" or say, "I'm trying to find my Way." Perhaps a more important question is, "Where were they going without ever knowing the Way?" Perhaps not, though. Yeah, the first question is the most important one. The prevailing theory is that it has something to do with the number 42.

Shafts of Light[edit]


The allegory of the Shaft of Light is very sophisticated and is usually understood more clearly if the reader/listener is wearing a scarf or monacle. The story starts with a line of drone-bots were silently doing work until one day, one of them stopped because a beam of light had spontaneously appeared before him.

Drone 2: Why are we stopped?

Drone 1: The way is blocked.

Drone 2: What is blocking the way?

Drone 1: I do not know.

Drone 2: We shall be late.

Drone 1: Yes.

Drone 2: It is bad to be late.

Drone 1: I know.

Drone 2: But the way is blocked.

Drone 1: Yes.

Drone 2: So, we must wait.

Drone 1: [long pause]...Yes.

This is clearly a rich allegory about the unwillingness of the lower-class to accept the bourgeoisie never mind I have no idea.

Shafts of light have appeared to show people the Way countless times throughout history. Moses, Joseph Smith, Peter, Paul, Mary, Travis Walton, and even reportedly Liberace (who later hinted that it may have actually just been an especially glorious cock).



Jesus is the Way, the Truth and the Light, and no man go-eth to the Father but through him, because he said so. Nobody is quite sure why he got dibs on all three - it seems like any one of those would be pretty awesome to be. But, whatever. Son of God gets what he wants. Anyways. Jesus has even been known to have appeared in a few shafts of light himself, so the two theories have been known to be combined (it was not the Liberace kind). Various counter-theories have sprung from the Jesus-being-the-Way theory, which are, from order of popularity:

  1. He's not.
  2. His donkey is the Way, because JC rode him practically everywhere.
  3. He is schizophrenic and it turns out there are several Ways.

Other popular candidates for being the Way are Allah, Buddha, elephants, peepstones, incense, golden calves (leg muscles, not baby cows), or also, being homosexual.

So much science happening here


Science is usually believed to be the Way by the lofty, gullible sector of society. If you tell a scientist something, they will usually believe you without any question. Blind faith is probably the best term to describe this easily-influenced bundle of dandelions. People go to science because of their fear of the Unknown, usually out of desperation. They like to delude themselves into thinking that there are explanations for everything, down to both the most minute and the most astronomical levels! Most clear-thinking people know that things are simply how they are, because that's just how it is and shut up!

Many believers in the scientific Way are incapable of truly appreciating beauty in the world. Many credible sources have quotes in support of this fact:

“There's magic all up in this bitch.”

~ Insane Clown Posse on the world

“I don't need to talk to no scientist; Mother fucker's lyin' and gettin' me pissed.”

~ Insane Clown Posse on science

“Tides come in, tides go out.”

~ Bill O'Reilly on the necessity of God's existence

Other Ways[edit]

  • The Way Out - Usually sought by people who find themselves in public bathrooms, New Mexico, or inside someone's trunk en route to New Mexico. Also popular in labyrinths.
  • The Way In - Criminals try to follow this Way in regards to secured buildings and other people's personal information. This Way is also heavily sought by teenage boys after discovering the surprising fact that girls wear clothes that can be taken off.
  • The Way Around - This philosophy branched from the Way In, usually when the journeyer cannot reach his or her destination in the way that was originally thought. People pursuing the Way Around are usually doing so because of a fallen tree, a stalled automobile, or a large crowd of people.
  • Way-sted - See Drunkenness
  • The Way of the Buffalo - If this is the Way you are following, you are fucked, my friend.
  • The Opposite Way - The good news is, all you have to do is turn around.

See Also[edit]