Thee

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Thee is the official supervillain of Canada, and the Satan figure in the Ehtheist religion. All Canadians must take a national oath to "stand on guard for Thee". Thee's identity, like that of all supervillains, is shrouded in mystery.

Thee's Plots[edit]

Thee's attempts to destroy Canada always eventually fail, but he has come dangerously close on several occasions.

War of 1812[edit]

In 1814 Thee took a little trip along with Colonel Jackson down the mighty Mississip'. Thee took a little bacon and thee took a little beans and Thee fought the bloody British in the town of New Orleans.

Thee insists that its actions were harmless. At the time, though, the Canadians were bloody British, so even though Canada admits in retrospect that it had no business being in New Orleans, it was not nice of Thee to shoot at them. However, 98.47% of the Earth's popultion (and 68% of Jupiter's) sides with Thee in this particular argument, as no one really likes Canada anyway.


The Quebec Secessionist Movement[edit]

Many have noticed that the Quebeckers, although obviously very devout ehtheists based on the amount of poutine that they eat, seem to be in league with Thee. While English-speaking, or "real" Canadians, take their pledge to stand on guard for Thee, most Quebeckers are heard mumbling something about Protégera nos foyers et nos droits. This roughly translates as "Our protege is a foyer with a drippy nose." While this appears at first to be patent nonsense, Thee does have a pet cat, Thou, who is constantly trying to climb into Thee's fish tank in Thee's foyer.

Stockwell Day[edit]

Thee convinced Conservative Party leader Stockwell Day that he would be able to win both the old-movie-watcher vote and the transgender vote by dressing up like Doris Day. This false advice proved diastrous for MP Day, but since he was a hoser, it worked out well for the rest of Canada.

Thee's Identity[edit]

American[edit]

The only known photo of Thee, fighting a Canadian

The most popular theory by a great deal, at least up until the recent elections. Supporters of this theory point out that Americans are fond of the patriotic song, "My Country 'Tis of Thee", which clearly suggests that Thee is American. Other evidence is that Americans, in fact, did most of the Canuck-killing in the War of 1812, that Americans seem to find the Quebec secessionist movement hilarious, and that they refuse to eat poutine, although they do eat Christina Aguilera. Evidence against is that Americans frequently use the phrase "deez nuts", which is street slang for "Thee is nuts." Then again, Americans have been known to support the clearly insane in the past.

Superman/Santa Claus[edit]

Both are powerful, evil, and have secret lairs. On the other hand, both of them have their secret lair in the Rosewood Gardens Condominium complex in the North Pole, which is where downtown Edmonton is. The thought that Canada's greatest enemy could be living amongst them is too much for most Canadians to bear.

Jesus[edit]

Jesus is on record as hating ehtheists, and has tape recorded several messages with his buddy Osama Bin Laden in which he appears to threaten Canada. Detractors of this theory suggest that Jesus may have ehtheism confused with another religion, and that the word "Canada", in Jesus's native language of Aramaic, means disco music.

See Also[edit]