Theories of Existence

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There are six main Theories of Existence, these are as follows:

  1. Theory of Creation: A set of rules dictating the effects that a creation has on the universe.
  2. Theory of Reality: That reality is what we perceive to be real.
  3. Theory of Negativity: That negative things have power.
  4. Theory of Intelligence: That if you add the collective intelligences of the entirety of existence you will get a minus number. See: Theory of Negativity.
  5. Theory of Magic: If anything is unexplainable, it must have been magic.
  6. Theory of Randomness:Some sentient beings have the urge to do something completely inexplicable, with no justification such as "love", or "rage".
  7. Theory Of Bullshit:Everything Is In your head and you are a rapist, nuff said.

Theory of Creation[edit]

The principle behind the theory of creation is easy to understand, everything in the universe has to have been created, so everything in the universe has to have been created for a purpose (even Mrs. Blair) and anything with a purpose follows a set of rules and patters, so it is possible to predict the effects anything will have on everything else. Those effects that have been proven to be consistent have been written in a list of rules, which are as follows:

Created Effect
The Human Race We ask seemingly obvious questions like why are we here. (to see the answer to this question, see the theory of reality).
The Animal Kingdom We destroy it.
Television We watch it.
Television We wait for the end of a program to go to the loo, so there will always be a queue for the toilet when people eventually go (and by this point they are all desperate).
Computers The internet is created.
The internet A website of ultimate knowledge is created.
Wikipedia A website is created to make fun of it.

The list is in its infancy, and so only has a few rules, feel free to add more rules of creation to the list.

The Theory of Reality[edit]

Reality is what we perceive is real, so whatever we perceive to be real is of course reality. This has confused scientists for decades, until one finally went mad and believed he was a talking chicken, and remarkably (since everyone else who knew him also believed this, because they were also mad) he spontaneously changed into the world's first talking chicken. This means that whatever we believe is true will become true. In fact, this is so true that modern policing relies completely on this to catch criminals. If they can make enough people believe that you are a criminal, then you become a criminal in accordance with the theory of reality, and they arrest you.

The Theory of Negativity[edit]

This theory is the idea that any negative concept is more powerful than a positive one. And that paranoia is always correct. If you think a girlfriend is cheating on you, even if they are not, they will start because of the negativity of the thought.