Things the government wants you to believe

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  • President Obama is PURE EVIL. He must be impeached.
  • All of these claims are really true. Seriously, and that sentence is true too. As is this one.
  • We care.
  • Anyone that does question anything we do is absolutely guaranteed to be a terrorist and certainly is not a good guy.
  • A benevolent God supports everything we have done, are doing, and will do.
  • We try to make taxes as low as possible for everyone.
  • Political correctness is a cure for cancer and better than sex.
  • Dick Cheney is not the puppeter of George W. Bush, and isn't, wasn't, and will never be a Sith Lord.
  • 2+2=4837284738
  • It is absolutely necessary that the Canadian House of commons be elected. Allowing it to function the way it has for the last 140 years only benefits evil, corrupt, patronage-ing Liberals.
  • We do NOT and would NEVER even think about paying off the media.
  • There is no area 51.
  • There is no area 52.
  • There is an area 53.
  • There is no area 54.
  • There is no area.
  • Halliburton is an organization thats highest priority is the safety and well-being of all the citizens of the world.
  • No, that's not actually 'fluoride that we put in your water, it's the cream of refugees.
  • Everything we do is for the good of our country and all of its citizens.
  • We are not evil.
  • War is peace.
  • Freedom is gjfghfghgh*Ignorance is strength.
  • Knut Hamsun will NOT be running for president in the next election.
  • The empire in Star Wars is not based on our war on terror or our plans for the future.
  • Our illegal phone-wire tapping? Well, since we did it, it's not illegal, and it was sdfgsgsourselves to bits with nuclear weapons.
  • We are not willing to do anything we possibly can to make money; it's honestly for the gooddfsdfsf compassion, and freedom in general.
  • Compassionate conservatism is not an oxymoron.
  • We the People... As in the People of D.C.
  • We had our heads up our asses long enough for Bin Laden to get away. We are shamed.
  • Everything is cool.
  • Trade Unions give you cancer. (Especially a kickass union).
  • BFMASS is a well-balanced society.
  • Many a mickle maks a muckle.
  • If we do it, it's not terrorism. If Democrats do anything we don't agree with, it is terrorism.
  • Just because you pay into a pension plan it doesn't automatically entitle you to a pension. That's simplistic and naive.
  • You didn't see anything in the sky.
  • Tony Blair is a pretty regular sort of a guy, you'd probably like him.
  • The Royal Family really have no interest in who wins elections, not only in the United Kingdom, but also in the United States.
  • A bird in the hand is worth two in the bush.
  • Paying taxes prevents plaque.
  • George W Bush has never sat astride a nuclear warhead and cried "yippee".
  • You might as well vote us in again, because at least you know where you are with us.
  • Jamie Oliver has now solved the problem with school meals. It's sorted. Didn't you see him delivering a petition? That means it's sorted now. Democracy in action. Well done.
  • Margaret Thatcher and Tony Blair are completely different people.
  • There is no cause for alarm.
  • You should listen to John Prescott. He is not a toy.
  • The British Labour Party lets the rich grow richer faster than the rest of UK citizens do. They practise redistribution as well. If you can’t see that you don’t really understand things.
  • Ben Franklin actually discovered keys, kites, string and funny shoes with buckles on them. He got stuck with that electricity thing cause of that wise-ass Jefferson guy.
  • If everybody has nuclear weapons, the world is actually safer. Think about it.
  • You shouldn't worry your pretty little head.
  • You have a pretty little head.
  • Elections are dignified and magnificent occasions. They are not tawdry, depressing, or the same old shit, and have never been rigged, tinkered with, or cheated.
  • George Bush won a majority of the electoral votes in both of his elections, and thus, rose to the presidency with honesty in mind.
  • Most of the bad things in the past happened because it was, y'know, the olden days. Now we know better. Also, everything is cool.
  • There is no reason why a politician shouldn't wear a cowboy hat.
  • Science is bullshit; Intelligent Design is the truth.
  • Scientists, homosexuals, feminists, abortionists, and democrats are minions of Satan, and we're definitely not.
  • Pat Robertson is not the Antichrist.
  • Global warming isn't real, and if it is, it isn't a serious problem, and if it is... ummm.... well, we DO care!... *muffled laughter*
  • George Bush does care about black people, you, the environment, and our planet!
  • We really had no idea that September 11th was going to happen before it did, and anyone who claims otherwise helped the terrorists who arranged it, and we most definitely DID NOT arrange it ourselves; anyone that claims otherwise about that is directly in with Al-Queda and is good pals with Osama Bin Laden, who most certainly is the leader of it; not second-in-comand to Bert!
  • It is perfectly acceptable that George Bush condemns countries that aren't allied with the United States for pursuing nuclear activities for any purpose, while at the same time owning more nukes then all of them combined. And when the governments of those countries say they're doing so for peaceful purposes, they're ALWAYS lying.
  • The name "Condoleezza" is a perfectly good one. There are lots of people called Condoleezza. In fact I'm probably called Condoleezza.
  • When Nye Bevan talked about a health service that was "free at the point of delivery", he didn't literally mean that it would be free. What are you, some kind of crazy pinko linguistic fundamentalist?
  • Accountability is un-American.
  • Tony Blair has read the whole Qur'an three times. He has. No, look, he really has.
  • New Labour is in some way related to the Labour Party.
  • America and Great Britain are good guys and they think all men are created equal, No, really
  • Racism does not exist in either of the two countries at all, ever
  • The Republican Party is still the same noble, freedom-supporting party it was in Abraham Lincoln's time.
  • It was completely tragic that the Tories won the 1992 election. It was not mainly funny because Neil Kinnock looked like such a twat.
  • We know exactly what we are doing.
  • Fnord.
  • People want libraries to have vending machines, computers, and chat areas. Books are outmoded and inefficient (and they probably give you cancer).
  • Just because a building is listed doesn't mean it's supposed to be somehow "protected". That would be naive and simplistic.
  • Scotland does not really exist. When you hear about policies being tried in Scotland first, it just means they're being tried on a computer simulation or something. It doesn't literally mean that there's a whole country where we just practice our new ideas in case they turn out to give you cancer. Why, that would be sheer craziness.
  • Because you vote, and people are elected, there is democracy: that is, the people's will is paramount (warning: may not apply to blacks).
  • You can simultaneously have tax cuts, more social programs, and a reduced deficit.
  • Keanu Reeves can act.
  • Mitch Hedberg is dead.
  • Oscar Wilde has died over a century ago.
  • Pain is a form of weakness leaving the body
  • Big Brother doesn't exist, and if he does, he's there for YOUR safety.
  • The List of Presidents No One Cares About
  • Out of Republican and Democratic candidates seeking office, ONE of them is honest and law-abiding...probably.
  • "Everything will be different", when Democrats re-take power.
  • Thinking has been proven to be hazardous to your health; you should stop now!
  • Wikipedia is a noble organization that seeks to let the truth be known to the public.
  • Uncyclopedia is a satirical parody of Wikipedia and is filled with blatant lies, besides of course this page.
  • Wikipedia is the only source you can trust for truthiness and reliable facts, besides Fox News, The Bible, and, again, this page.
  • Iran is a threat to our crops
  • All the claims listed in the category linked to below are lies.
  • We want you to know the truth.
  • There really were Weapons of Mass Destruction in Iraq. Those tricksy terrorists just moved them out of the entire area very very quickly.
  • John F. Kennedy was killed by a terrorist
  • We want peace
  • the economy is "doing fine"
  • "the buck stops here, with my assistant, who we all know is a terrorist......"
  • There aren't more earthquakes, but more people in that area.......
  • We never payed off any body to keep their mouth shut about how we actually caused 9-11, which you don't know about either.