Thingie

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“I hearby conclude my statement about Thingies with a.”

For other uses of a thingie, consult the user's manual

A thingie is related to the whatchamacallit, the doohicky, the doodad, and Michael Stipe. It is a shorter, more formal version of the word thingie-ma-bob. Said to be the devious emanation from the unclean mind of Satan, a thingie is commonly used to ritually sacrifice unbaptized children, Coke bottles, Russian techno bands, animals named Zeke, and, again, Michael Stipe.

Origins[edit]

The first thingie was recorded on clay tablets in cuniform, the ancient writing method of ABBA.(This can be seen on their first major LP, Yodeldeeyodeldooyodeldaydoodlyday). Scholars and other noted pop icons have studied these tablets, deciphered them, lost them, found them again, spilt coffee on them, used them as fashionable vanity license plates, re-ciphered, re-deciphered, re-de-reciphered(No backsies!), then finally gave them to charity with a note reading "We have the Megadeth. Mos Def to America. Death to Israel Regardie. Alan Alda is Great."

It is believed that one of the thingies was first adapted by Whatshisname in his famous junk, The Tragedy of Doohickey, in front of King Whatsitsname (that's his real name). His Majesty was so shocked that he ordered every thingie bought and burnt, but unable to recall the name of the piece, called it "Whatsitsname" instead and so got bought and burnt himself. People were so whatnot at the incident that shit happened.

To date, these tablets have never been translated into any of the languages of men. However, they are available in the popular "fantasy language", Portuguese.

Thingies in Modern Times[edit]

Since the dawn of the Renaissance period (1015, the date that Christopher "Peter Fauk" Colombo sailed the oceans on his luxury liner, the U.S.S. Sesame Street and discovered Mexicans), there have only been three known thingies, with any others being clever forgeries.

  • One such thingie was in the possession of U.S. President George Jefferson, and it was said to have given him such mystical power over the space/time continuum, that he was able to go back into the past to pay his rent on time.
  • Another was found in the ribcage of former Russian tsar Nicholas Cage. Scientists have studied this thingie and have acknowledged that it was the source of the Tsar's "mad ups" when shooting b-ball with Grigori Rasputin.
  • The last known thingie was said to be kept by a reclusive Dean Martin near the end of his life. People close to him said that it contained the essence of Sammy Davis Jr., however mystical scholars claim it only held a half-eaten ham sammich, and was not a genuine thingie at all.

This hasn't stopped the language of thingie to infiltrate our everyday language. In fact, it has become quite common, especially in instruction manuals for complicated machines or whatnot.

Example of thingie in a recipe[edit]

==========HOW TO MAKE METH IN YOUR OWN GIZMO==========

1) To prepare the ether, first add equal amounts of
   water and thingie (that you can get at your local
   K-mart) in a foobar. Shake well and extract your
   ether from the top thingamajig.

2) Add 1.3 oz water, 0.6 oz HCl and all 12 gadgets that
   got from the chemist, knead well and squeeze the
   resultant crap into a thingie. Filter the oil.

3) In a separate jar, add some crystal X to this and
   shake until cloudy. Let it stand for some minutes,
   repeat if not cloudy by then.

4) After thingo had settled, use a hodad to collect
   the top layer and throw the rest away. Add 10 drops
   of kajigger and an equal amount of water, cap and
   shake well.

5) Remove the top layer again, evaporate the kludge
   on a widget in whatsitcalled (it MUST be a
   whatsitcalled!), and finally...

6) YOU NOW GOT METH!

Warning:    Never doodoo in the same room or you may
            ignite the doodad fumes and die.

Disclaimer: Yadda-yadda-yadda-yadda-yadda-yadda...

=================END OF INSTRUCTIONS==================

Clever Forgeries[edit]

Due to the rare nature of the thingie, many people have constructed clever forgeries, in order to profit off of the unsuspecting public. Some of the more famous ones include: