Thomas Dowting

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For the religious among us who choose to believe lies, the "questionable parody" of this website called Wikipedia think they have an article about Thomas Dowting.

Thomas Dowting (-15 CE - 2100 CE), also known as Shaft, is one of the lesser known, though still widely respected animals, and the principal villain of the early 20th century. His nefarious deeds have included the invention of wax, the twelfth invasion and occupation of Hertziaustrovakia, and attaining and holding the world record for parking violations. He is also the principal authority on native north American species of trouser snakes.

Early Life[edit]

Thomas Dowting was born in Zambia to parents Dick Cheney, an octopus, and Harrison Ford. By the age of seventy, Dowting had learned and mastered the art of cave painting, and achieved great renown among the three people in the immediate vacinity when he was reported as to have exclaimed in his native tongue of Polishish "By jove, I've learned and mastered the art of cave painting!"

From then Thomas Dowting went on to become an infamous prostitute, and later pirate.

Invention of the flu[edit]

Dowting is often accredited as the inventor of the Flu. Scientists and scholars speculate that Dowting was in fact trying to create psychotropic drugs, but through a collosal error, gave birth to the bacterium Influensus Maximus Wildernus. Due to his stern dislike of people, Dowting released the bacterium into his father's sock drawer, which consequently resulted in the collapse of the USSR.

Occupation of Hertziaustrovakia[edit]

Dowting originally came to the small principality on a big game hunting excursion, however upon recognizing the nation's vulnerability owing to their near complete lack of soul he declared publically his intention to assume the position of Postmaster General, and thus mastery of the national armed forces. There was surprisingly little resistance as many were utterly baffled by the odd nature of Mr. Downing's trademark corn-cob hat, and for the next fifteen minutes Dowting possessed absolute rule of the nation. He used this time to raid the national trust, impregnate the daughter of a notable Shaman, and let loose a particularly maniacal laugh before escaping in a zeppelin formerly belonging to Robespierre.

Other Dubious Acts of Infamy[edit]

  • January 7, 200 AC: Dowting robs the Special Olympics
  • December 7, 1870 AC: Dowting bombs Pearl Harbor
  • February 14th, 1932 AC: Dowting kidnaps Richard Pryor, holding him for a ransom of seventeen dollars and eighty-four cents, but is eventually apprehended by Robocop and forced to spend several days at Guantanamo Bay spa and health club in Oslo, Norway.