Thomas and Friends
“I'd pay a million for a ride on him!”
“You have caused Confusion and Delay!”
“In Soviet Russia, Confusion and Delay causes YOU!!!”
My mum thinks that I'm obsessed with writing about my personal lifestyle.
Thomas The Tank Engine is the most famous fictional blue talking steam engine in the world, and is more popular than even the Flying Scotsman, which, as every child knows, doesn't have a face, doesn't talk, and never falls down black holes in amusing ways.
When Thomas hits the buffers, instead of the driver being suspended on full pay, pending a full enquiry and drug-test results, a short fat man in a top hat will talk sternly to the locomotive whilst standing on an orange box and will say "Thomas, you have caused confusion and delay!" The engine will be taken out of service and made to shunt trucks until it is sorry. Only then will it be allowed back on the main line to be a Really Useful Engine again.
The Scarily faced Thomas the Tank Engine patrols his stretch of line screaming in his Ringo Starr Voice at anyone attempting to cross at a point which isn't a signal. He kills anyone in his way, including his Obese Controller.
Despite giving everyone frozen Satanic stares, Thomas and His Friends still run regularly. Chinese brainwashing from The Railway Chairman has them thinking work is a privilege.
The show stars Alec Baldwin as Thomas, Richard Simmons as Percy, Ashlee Simpson as Emily, John Kerry as Diesel, George W. Bush as Toby, Arnold Schwarzenegger as Henry, Carson Kressley as Gordon, Shaquille O'Neal as Thomas' driver and Jackie Chan as Chairman Mao in the season finale.
Government of the Island.
The island, which has no name, is ruled by an obease man who was knighted for unknow purposes. He is known as Sir Topham Hat, The Obease Controler, Sir Adolf Hitler, The Fat Controler, The Phat Controler, and Fatty. The Obease Cotnroler was born on July 45th 12 B.C., and is siblings of Adolf Hitler, Sadam Husein, George W. Bush, Dumbledoor, Osama Bin Laden, the god Hades, and Chairman Mao. After graduating from Dictator University, otherwise knonwn as DU, in 24 A.D., he took control of the island in the year 31 A.D. and imidatly formerd the People Rupublic of The Fellowship of the Obease Controler, which he has ruled since.
As in the name, the main character is Thomas, a tank engine. Thomas has the honor of pulling his hos, Annie and Clarabel. He also has insecurity issues, and his feeling of personal well being is dependent on the approval of others (mainly Sir Topham Hatt). Thomas' self esteem can be crushed by a single instance of criticism from the Fat Controller, and whenever he is told he is a Really Useful Engine he walks around with an inflated ego for at least a week. He lives and hangs with the Steam team:
- James the Obsessive-Compulsive Engine. Duncan started the rumour that he's queer, but this has yet to be confirmed in the TV series. Originally, James' boiler was decorated with solid gold swastikas. However, this was considered offensive to Eskimos, so they removed them and instead James now has an enormous bronze penis strapped to the front of him.
- Percy is Thomas' retarded best friend. Charmingly naive, he is always asking questions like what Money, World Peace, Happiness and Fair Labour are, to which the Obese Controller replies, "Myths, Percy. Myths..."
- Gordon the F***** Huge Engine is 15 miles long when he pulls the hottest prostitute in the land, The Express. He shouts German swear words at the children making them cry. Recently he became Prime Minister of the Railway. Also a black belt in Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu.
- Lady, Thomas's current mistress and James' Daughter. She is a magical engine and can turn the engine's smokestacks around into baskets.
- Emily, an escapee from a mental institution for people with obviously fake scottish accents. Like most of the engines, Thomas thinks she's hot, and vice-versa. Emily usually avoids dating the other perverted freaks by dating Thomas. She's a real bossy bitch until something embarrassing happens to her. Later in the series she converted to Islam and wears a burqa in all subsequent appearances. After complaints from viewers she converted to Scottish hospitality and now wears a Scottish hat and speaks with a new Scottish voice in later appearances.
- Toby is a square shaped engine who loves Stilton cheese and believes he is a schoolgirl from Thailand.
- Toad is the self proclaimed god of all engines, despite being a brake van. His comedy voice and sexy face have ranked him above all the major players. He has the personality of an intelligent 2 year old, or alternatively a dimwitted 50 year old farmer from Surrey.
- Oliver is an escaped POW from an unknown location. Little is truly known about him, only that his nose is the biggest out of any engine or piece of rolling stock ever known.
- Daisy is the most convincing (yet not convincing at all) drag queen to ever exist. She speaks in a fake high pitched New York accent.
- Diesel is a cunt.
- General Ludwig von Iron is a 500-year-old engine that runs on Slavs. He doesn't do any work, and his only job appears to be to terrify the other engines. Only speaks in screaming tones and in an incomprehensible dialect which he claims to have learned from Pootie Tang.
- The Troublesome Trucks are the retarded dump wagons who love making most of the engines crash. There are at least 9001 of them on the railway.
- Com-eng the semi retired train from Connex/Veiola (connex apologises for any inconveniences caused)
- Arthur, Was once an normal LMS Ivatt Class 2MT 2-6-2T , but then he was kidnapped by Israeliens and sent to Israel. He now speaks with a extremely heavy Jewish accent as a result.
- Rosie, the muddy engine who was clean until "Thomas VS. The Runaway Car" where she was covered with Forever Mud. She now is covered in mud as a result. Her model often breaks down (on purpose).
The Hitler Years
During the 1930's, unemployment in the United States had skyrocketed, forcing many to find jobs elsewhere. For Thomas, this led him to Germany, where he is credited with transporting over 500,000 Jews (and other mistakes) to 'Disney Land'. Because of his work in the transport of inferiors, Thomas was personally awarded the Iron Cross by Adolf Hitler. Thomas had PR value in that he had the highest Kill/Death ratio of any locomotive. In addition to this, Thomas remains to this day the only train to run exclusively by Jews as a source of fuel. After the fall of the Third Reich, he went into hiding in Argentina, blending in with other locomotives. He is still wanted by The Hague.
Diesel Minority and others
There are evil diesels who plan on someday ruling the Island. They include Diesel (obviously), Diesel #10 (the bi-Soviet/Australian/Jersey Masonite). (Diesels 2-9 were all "silenced" when they partook in a riot), Salty, the children's favourite diesel boozehound, BoCo and his drag identity Daisy, Derek the mentally retarded diesel (aka Derek the very special diesel, which he isn't), Mavis the sexual commitment diesel who enjoys what she calls Hooking (which means sexing engines of all gender for money, in a scary way!!) and 'Arry and Bert, the twins diesels with necrophilia.
In this group are also Troublesome Trucks. They like Truckin', as their name suggests. Being overworked Factory slaves, they have the highest suicide rate on the Isle of Sod. But the Obese Controller can simply purchase new ones with his money daily.
Other minor engines secretly lust for power but are forced to lay low. Lonely souls include Neville, a former Negro slave engine who tried to date the taken Emily (pictured), and Molly the jaundice engine.
This clique has more power than the Diesel minority. They run their own line, being too small for the big tracks. Being as small as they are, they occasionally vanish and stay gone for prolonged periods. Until they get lost again, here are the current denizens.
- Skarloey and Rheneas, two old engines who were possessed by children. They appeared in the spin-off film The Exorcist.
- Madge, the tranny who secretly performs prostitution. Put simply, everyone's ridden her!
- Peter Sam the Jinx. He has on on/off relationship with Female Rusty. He was called Stuart until he realised Rusty's mom was also named Stuart, so he changed it.
- Sir Handel, who was knighted for reasons unclear. He used to be called Millenium Falcon until George Lucas sued the producers for copyright infringement.
- Rusty the gender-confused and bi-curious diesel.
- Duncan, a pottymouth engine. He was banished for his hate speeches against the other oddly coloured engines.
- Siamese twins Mighty Mac.
- Fearless Freddie, the senile World War II vet and Madge's pimp.
- Stepney is NOT A NARROW GAUGE tank engine that has the number 55.
- Duke the Lost Engine, the freaking blind engine that got lost in Knapford Station. He is also Madge's pimp and does her when high on pot.
- Smudger the Terrorist Engine, responsible for various derailments and bombings of several Sudrian landmarks. Is thought to be from the UAE.
Finally, we have Chairman Mao, the Obese Controller. He refuses to give the engines water or coal-or coa-rrr as he calls it-unless they work all day long. He hires The Railway Inspector to watch the steamers while he eats, which is 80-percent of each day. Yes. He only Eats, Watches Porn, and sleeps. He was killed by Thomas the tank engine when it was found out he ate engines by turning them into chocolate fudge sundaes.
Thomas and the Island of Sodomy
In the year 2000 the traditional "Trad" story was upgraded so that the whole world would not have to think and could be be bling and hip. This is the new story:
In circa 200,000 BC, a stumpy fat man searched for ways to make money. He went into a scrapyard and used voodoo chants to have souls possess the ruined engines. Now, with their disturbingly happy faces, the engines puff across the Island of Sodomy, making products to get their controller rich off of. The idea of Communism was originally implemented, but Gordon sought for higher control, which led to Lusts for Power from several other engines. Over the next 100000 years, the engines worked their buffers off,never meeting the technologic advances of the future as They Deliver Food Across the Island of Sober for thee Obese Controller.
However, all was not well in the Island of Sober. Due to the British Government's poor transport funding, the Obese controller eventually lost the rights to his locomotives company, which went into liquidation. Thomas was sold off for scrap and his carcass has been spotted in Bangladesh, where he currently serves as a housing estate. Annie's current whereabouts are unknown, but rumours of her engagement to Stevie Wonder are not unfounded. Clarabel went on the run after her long career of prostitution was discovered by the local police.
Ever since, British tabloid papers such as The Sun have seized the opportunity to make tasteless headlines such as 'Runaway Train!' and 'FORMER CARRIAGE IN SEX SCANDAL HORROR - WE BLAME PRINCE HARRY'.
The Engines' Drug Abuse And Departure
Even after Thomas was scrapped, all was not well. The other engines discovered his collection of crack. James,Percy and all the puffers quit smoking and tried Thomas' secret stuff. Unfortunately,order on the Island collapsed, and accident rates went up. By the year 2004, most engines were scrapped after overdoses. Others left to find work in democracies.
The Obese Controller outsourced the railway to India. He buys a couple of new engines now and then, and always keeps an engine to paint blue,to ensure the young ones that Thomas lives on.
Edward the Blue Engine And His Relationship With Richard Gere
Mistaken for the role in the X-Files as the bloke agent (not the one that looks like a man the real one), Richard Gere's career soared, and eventually met Edward at a Shaft convention in 1922. Gere (born 1643) wooed Edward with a Ferrari which Edward gave to Thomas who wrote it off during a 14 hour police chase. Edward and Richard had 5 children (3 of which were black and one of which was green (see Gere-Percy Scandal) and one of which fell out of a tree and broke its funnel, leaving it to suffocate). The divorce which followed in 1994 led Edward to drink and 'Misadventurous Spaz Running' which left Edward's boiler severely under-bitched. He left the show when Gere sued him for 'sass-riding' outside his home in Gollopsteriptonville, Iowa. Edward died in 1996 after a severe dismantling, his body sits next to Lenin's in the Kremlin.
The Fat Controller's Affair With His Butler
In the episode The Fat Controller Screws The Butler, The Fat Controller was discovered to be having a gay sex affair with his butler. His wife found out about this and promptly began divorce proceedings. Two months later, The Fat Controller was arrested for sexually assaulting three trains and many more carriages. He was sentenced to fifteen years in prison. Upon his release, it was discovered that his beloved butler had died of a broken anus. The Fat Controller eventually sunk into a state of deep depression, and eventually took his own life by jumping in front of Thomas as he headed to the station. Thomas didn't stop, as Thomas was one of his victims. The Fat Controller's son, the Morbidly Obese Controller eventually took over his role. He eventually did it with ur mom
Gordon's Solo Career
In 1861, Gordon launched his solo career by founding a Gin brewery in Tunbridge Wells. After having no less than 12 hit singles during the 80's, he was publicly humiliated when news of his alleged affair with America's First Lady circulated among the media. Unfortunately, 20 years after his shameful exit from show business, Gordon committed suicide on 10th October, 1492. His son Ogadei went on to establish the Khanate of the Golden Horde, but this was short lived due to complaints from others in the neighbourhood.
Every Single Episode
Every single episode of Thomas ever created goes something like this (note: this isn't a real episode, but it could be):
It was spring on the Island of Sodor. The birds were singing, children were playing, and Thomas was puffing merrily down the tracks! (engine sounds)
"Peep! Peep!" whistled Thomas merrily to Gordon.
"Hmph!" Gordon chuffed. "You are not even a proper engine! You're just a rolling pin on wheels."
This made Thomas very angry. "Rolling pin on wheels!" he huffed. I'll show him."
Thomas went faster, and faster, until he reached the top of the hill. He tried to slow down, but he couldn't!
"Slow down! Slow down!" yelled Annie and Clarabel.
"I can't! I can't!" cried Thomas.
Thomas applied his brakes, but it was too late!
(tremendous crash off screen)
The driver was very cross! He saw that Thomas applied his brakes!
"Oh no," said the driver. "Sir Topham Hatt will not be happy!"
Nor was he. "Thomas, you have caused confusion and delay!" he said crossly. "From now on you will work in the quarry, shunting troublesome trucks."
"But what about my branch line?" asked Thomas.
"Percy will handle that," said Sir Topham Hatt.
"But sir," exclaimed Thomas, "I'm a Really Useful Engine!"
"Well unfortunately, Thomas, you are NOT a Really Useful Engine! You are causing confusion and delay!" Sir Topham Hatt said crossly.
The next day, Thomas began work in the quarry. He hated it there! It was hot, and noisy, and smelly, and the trucks would not stop singing! Thomas could see Percy pulling Annie and Clarabel. "Oh, why did I ever try to show off?" he moaned.
Just then, a coupling broke. The trucks were headed down the hill, straight toward Percy! "On, on, faster, faster!" they cried.
"Hurry!" said Thomas. "Hurry!" He headed down the hill, stopping at the junction just in time! "Quickly!" he told the stationmaster. "Switch the points!"
The stationmaster instead dozed off
Percy's driver applied the brakes but it was too late!
(another tremendous crash off screen)
"Oh no!" cried Thomas "You bumped me! Now I will biff you back! So there!!!"
Percy was so surprised and Thomas biffed angrily into Percy and Percy came off the rails! As Thomas puff crossly away from him, Percy was very cross!
"That's it!" he said firmly, "I'm going to tell Sir Topham Hatt on Thomas!"
His driver telephone for help. That night, Sir Topham Hatt spoke severely to Thomas!
"Thomas the Tank Engine! You have caused confusion and delay again! You bumped Percy really hard!"
"SHUT UP, FATTY!!!!" yelled Thomas rudely. Then he rudely ran all over Sir Topham Hatt!
"I did it! I killed the Fat Controller! No one can see him again! I'm a Really Useful Engine!" said Thomas in delighted.
List of Episodes
- Thomas and the beginning Thomas in his beginning episode.
- Thomas and Tony Blair: Tony Blair decides to retire to the Isle as the newest engine! Therefore, Gordon steps up.
- Gordon takes a Tumble: The engines quickly learn banana peels aren't that funny anymore...
- The Green Controller: Green engine Percy takes over the railway...
- Sir Handel and The Burger King: Sir Handel is appointed by the king.
- James the Red Engine: U.S. Senator Joseph McCarthy visits the island with something to say about red engines/injuns
- Respect for Gordon: Nobody cares about Gordon's love-life.
- Snow Engine: Oliver and Toad are pushed into a snowman and get frostbite, forcing them to cut off each other's buffers and wheels. Viewer discretion advised.
- Buffer Bother: The fat Controller puts weapons of mass destruction on the buffers in the quarry.
- Diesel's Guide to Dating: WARNING: NEVER WATCH THIS EPISODE
- A Big Day for Thomas: Thomas loses his virginity, and he tries to rape Emily. Fortunately, he fails miserably, resulting in Emily becoming the badass protagonist of this episode.
- The Railway Inspector: The railway inspector comes.
- Stepney Comes Out of the Closet
- Thomas and the Blair Witch: Thomas decides to quit his job as borderline misogynist and helps a Minecraft villager murder Tony Blair.
- Stepney Goes Back Inside the Closet
- Thomas and the Bridge
- Thomas and James
- Smudger and Duncan
- Thomas in the railway
- Fatty vs Thomas
- Bulgy:A bus who hate Duck and Oliver
- Smudger's revenge
- Bulgy rides again
- Thomas Comes To Breakfast: Thomas barges into the Phat Controller's morning orgy.
- Daisy the Stereotypical Diesel: When Micheal Bay dehumanizes women, Daisy destroys his house using the Allspark.
- Rusty and her Bomber: Rusty tells her side of the story of what she did during the events of Daisy the Stereotypical Diesel
- Why Thomas Laughs At Your Mistakes: Why God, why does he laugh?
- Despite for the Diesels: The engines despite the diesels from the Other Railway.
- Thomas Runs Over the Phat Controller: He tries to, but he never dies !!!
- Daisy and the Blue Chicken: Daisy finds a Zombie Chicken that can turn its head 360 degrees and befriends it.
- Oliver gets the Bird
- Thomas the Youtube Engine
- The Way Thomas Was Blue...
- Calling All Engines: The engines of the Island of Sodom get annoyed when Percy tests out his new cell phone...
- Chickens to School: Thomas is drunk and took the kids to the farm and the chickens to school by accident-or did he?...
- Thomas joins Uncyclopedia: WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!
- James and the TV Producer: We see how it began
- Peter Sam and Rusty: Luckily, Rusty's gender change kept PBS from deleting this episode...
- Duncan and the Propaganda: Duncan attempts to stop the Diesels from running his line.
- Busy going Backwards: Toad the Brakevan Sees some amazing things going backwards...
- Oliver's Find: Oliver finds a Very Special Place.
- Calling all Engines!: The Obese Controller summons his engines to build an airport. That way his very important cargo can be transported by air. But everything goes WRONG!
- Diesel anYESSIRThe diesel minority rebel against the Isle's racists.
- Harvey and the IKEA Route: Harvey buys an oddly named piece of furniture.
- Salty's Lighthouse: Sailor Salty pulls a prank on the tugboats by knocking over the lighthouse.
- Civil War: Skarloey convinces the little engines to separate from the Obese Controller's line.
- The Narrow Gauge Railway: All does not go well in the new government.
- The Runaway Elephant: Duncan unleashes an elephant on the Obese Controller's section of the Isle.
- Gordon Goes Foreign: The Prime Minister goes to the Narrow Gauge Line to meet with Skarloey's board.
- The Thin Controller: The little engines clone the Phat Controller and slim him into the Emaciated Controller.
- Mighty Mac: The Emaciated Controller buys Mighty Mac, a hideously deformed mutant. He is later attacked by Skarloey in an act of xenophobia.
- Thomas's Day Off: Thomas heads to a "special place" on his day off, but is delayed by Dennis the lethargic engine.
- You Can't Do It Toby: Toby found a girlfriend, and needs help.
- Peace and Quiet: Stepney hunts for a good place to be 'alone'...
- Thomas and the Circus: Evil Clowns escape from the Circus. Thomas helps out
- Thomas the Thomas Engine (made for YouTube use, "Thomas" is the only word used in this episode)
- Don't Tell Thomas: Emily finds a new boyfriend, but what will Thomas Say!?
- Duncan's Bluff: Duncan lies to Thomas that he is now dating Emily.
- Thomas and the Tube: Thomas sues Youtube for illegally uploading episodes.
- Three Cheers for Thomas: The case was won!
- Thomas and the Rainbow: Thomas sees a rainbow and develops a real fascination with rainbows. He then gets a rainbow paint job and heads off to the mardi gras.
- Pwn3d!: Thomas gets pwn3d.
- Toby Feels Left Out: It's love season and Toby's girlfriend just dumped him.
- Fatty's New Grue: In this crossover with "Grue's Clues", The Obese Controller buys a pet Grue!
- Thomas and the Toy Shop: Thomas and Jack set up a trap for the children.
- Rheneas and the Dinosaur: The feud continues when Rheneas reanimates a dinosaur to attack Thomas' line..
- A Smooth Ride: Rusty is caught with Sir Handel - cheating on Peter Sam!!!
- Special Funnel: Peter Sam brags about his funnel being the biggest.
- Emily Knows Best: Emily decides to go back to Thomas, proving she doesn't know best.
- The Case of the Singing Bushes: Singing Bushes take over the Isle.
- Thomas Realises That There Are Actually Birds in the Bushes
- Mighty Mac and the Ninjas: The Siamese twins must stop the ninjas.
- Which Gender Now?: Rusty is caught in a decision, and decides that he needs a Vagina like Mr. Garrison.
- Neville the Black Engine: Thomas spreads a rumour that Neville is Black.
- Thomas' Frosty Friend: Thomas leaves Percy in the snow and he gets frostbite.
- A Close Shave: Duck has to think of an excuse for his razor cut to tell his prostitute.
- Pimp My Engine: The Phat Controller sends Thomas, James and Percy to the workshop for a repaint and replaces their funnels with throaty exhausts. He then gathers all his friends and they all go racing down the line in the new pimped up engines.
- Pirate's Life For Salty: Salty unfortunately stayed too late at the nearby pub.
- Refreshing Steam: Thomas secretly had his water tank filled with beer the night before.
- Refreshing Steam Part 2: The engines steal Thomas' idea, and the Island starts falling apart!
- The Thomas Crown Affair: The first episode with Pierce Brosnan as narrator.
- Toad Stands By: Toad Stands By When Oliver is thrown into Afghanistan.
- Come Out Henry: Henry won't come out of the closet because he is in denial.
- The Sad Story of Henry: Too late.
- Oliver Owns up: Oliver gets pushed into the Turntable because he didn't pay off his loan.
- Escape: Oliver and Toad Escape from fattys scrapyard because fatty wanted to turn them into a nice Grill.
- The Death Of Gordon: Gordon gets killed, after crashing into a ship.
- Thomas and the Thetans Thomas converts to Scientology.
- Rusty's Decision: Rusty decides to stay with his original gender.
- The Accident: Thomas, James, Percy, Gordon, Emily, Henry, Edward and Toby all crash into each other at once.
- The Other Accident: Rusty, Peter Sam, Duncan, Skarloey, Rheneas, Sir Handel, Mighty Mac and Fearless Freddie the really, really, really, really, really, really, really old engine crash as well.
- The Other Other Accident: Every single character that ever appeared on the show ever all crash into each other at the same time.
- Emily's Accident: Emily has to Pee and races to the restroom, but remembers that engines can't pee when she doesn't make it in time and wets her wheels.
- James the James Engine (Also made for YouTube use, same as "Thomas the Thomas Engine", but with "James" instead as the episode's only word)
- Rusty 1/2: Rusty tries to become a gender-bending ninja, but then remembers he has no hands or feet.
- Bugly is back:Bugly gets revange
- Writers Strike: The writers of the episode were on strike so the whole episode was just the engines, staring at one another in an awkward silence.
- Thomas, Percy and the Imported Coal: Coal imported from Chinese toy factories sickens Thomas and Percy
- Percy the small Engine
- Thomas visits Australia: Thomas visits Australia and realises that its much larger than he originally predicted.
- Family Guy: Percy watches three episodes of family guy, gets hooked, and is killed by Seth McFarlane
- Sir Handel's Bad Day: Sir Handel's court case finally comes around, and despite the other engines testifying for him, he is still sent to the gibbet for beating up R&B singer Rihanna
- Toad's hefty load: Toad finds himself in a sticky situation when he prematurely ejaculates over Annie's back when he catches a glimpse of her funnel.
- Thomas the Spanked Engine: Thomas finds himself sexually aroused when the Fat Controller punishes him for leaving the island
- Rheneas and the Rhombus: Rheneas comes face to face with Sodor's most renowned serial killer, nicknames the Rhombus. But can he save his passengers from the nonsensical slashings of the Rhombus?
- Thomas the Wank Engine Thomas finds himself speaking in a Wacunian accent after his time on the railways there, but can dictation lessons from the partially deaf James REALLY help him?
- Tiny Tim the Tank Engine Part 1- Tiny Tim visits the Island of Sodor
- Tiny Tim the Tank Engine Part 2- Fatty eats Tiny Tim for no reason at all except he was "tasty".
- We'll miss you Thomas, Not!: Fatty sends Thomas to Germany' but Thomas is deported back to sodor after using counterfeit money. The Fat Controller tries commiting suicide with a jelly bean gun.
- Thomas the Frank Engine: Thomas gets a recurring guest spot on "Oprah" when he begins to tell the engines exactly what he thinks of them
- Diesel's New Face: During a "technical difficulty", Diesel's face falls off, so he teams up with Lawrence Llwelyn Bowen to find a new face. In the end he brutally murders Bowen and steals his face.
- Edwards Bad Day: Edward is stood up on a date with Molly. Then his great grandmother dies, he is rejected for a bank loan and eventually ends up getting horrifically maimed by Laura Davis.
- Diesel Does it Again: Diesel goes over to the Playboy Bunny Ranch.
- Bulgy- Oliver finds out that Emily has breast cancer. Then Emily goes to the cancer center and finds out she is part bus and explodes.
- My Name is Oliver: The sequel to Bulgy, Oliver wakes up from a coma after realizing Emily was part bus. He then wrote down all the bad things he had ever done and tried to make up for all of his mistakes.
- Toby the Toby Engine: For God's sake, Prequal to Percy the Percy Engine, Which Was Never Screened Because it was gay.
- Thomas Goes Forth: Thomas tries to get a part on Blackadderbut fucks it up completely.
- The Fat Controller Screws The Butler The Fat Controller has sex with his butler before killing him.
- Kikansha Thomas no Yuutsu: Haruhi Suzumiya comes to Sodor because she was bored, and hopes the engines can provide her with some entertainment! Then she overthrows the Fat Controller and attempts to run the railway, with the SOS Brigade assisting her, it doesn't last.
- Thomas the Abridged Series: Thomas wants to make an abridged series by poking fun at everything on the Island of Sodor. Unfortunately, it only lasted 5 seconds before the Fat Controller showed up with the police!
- Thomas: Back and Forth: Thomas runs back and forth across the island!
- Thomas and JayJay: Thomas finally meets someone scarier than him!
- Thomas the Photoshop Engine: Thomas discovers Adobe Photoshop, and attempts to change himself and everyone else on Sodor which results in chaos!
- Tickled Pink: James gets in touch with his feminine side.
- It Sucks To Be Broken Shoelaces, Said Toby: Here is the episode.
- The Fat Controller Gets Stuck: The fat controller gets stuck between Percy and Gordon.
- Thomas and the Computer: Thomas discovers a computer and explodes.
- Thomas the Abridged Series 2: Thomas tries again to make an abridged series, and tries to copy Yu-Gi-Oh! The Abridged Series, but he gets sued for copyright infringement.
- Thomas' Pokemon Cards: Thomas sells fake Pokemon cards but he gets arrested. Guest stars Ash Ketchum from Pokemon as the costumer.
- The Worst Accident Ever: Everyone who appeared on the show crashes into each other and explodes.
- Thomas' second to Last Episode: All of the tank engines quit when Emily dies in a car crash... (This episode was made in memory of her)
- Thomas the Timelord Engine: Thomas discovers Dr. Who? and attempts to travel back in time to save the series from ending, but fails to even correct the future, and sucks the earth into the null void!
- Million Dollar Fart-Off: Thomas enters a fart contest using baked beans instead of coal.
- Damn it, Fatt Ass Won: Sequel to "Million Dollar Fart-off", when the engines almost kill Fatty, again.
- Thomas III: Thomas watches the Lupin III anime, and is inspired to steal stuff (such as the Fat Controller's food!)
- Thomas and Percy:The steam team must finds Percy
- Douglas Smuggles Hispanics into Sodor: Douglas finds out Emily faked her own death to escape into Scotland, so he goes there and they start smuggling hispanics into Sodor.
- Cheezels: The Fat Controller and The Butler get hit by the Batman and Robin symbols and become Fatman and Bultobin. After that, Diesel becomes "Die Cheezel Train", but Fatman eats his face.
- Thomas and the Flying Ship: The gang see the flying ship. But James and his blood brother Eagle blow the ship up. Can they repair it?
- James and the Laptop: A laptop lands on James' buffers and he plays with it.
- Crossed Lines: Murdoch is bringing the newly-built Peel P50's to the docks to be shipped to the UK in autorack cars made of rusty decommissioned flatbed cars with a fold-out second floor, made from disused deckchairs, used to carry cars, monster trucks, scrap, and tractors. But then his bogies go on different lines when he was halfway over changing points, and he derails, ploughing into a satellite providing Exede TV to a switchtower.
- Thomas and the Magic Railroad: Thomas' first film, in which the magic died as soon as the script was changed.
- The Great Discovery: Thomas discovers that the entire series is just make-believe.
- Hero of the Rails: Thomas attempts to become a superhero but ultimately fails at it. Also Thomas' first CGI film *shudder*
- Misty Island Rescue: Thomas gets lost at sea and meets a group of hillbillies from a deserted island named Dash, Crash, and FERNANDO.
- Day of the Diesels: The worst ever movie in Thomas history. Complete with a blue Standard 4MT tank with WATER CANNONS?! Seriously, water cannons?!
- Blue Mountain Mystery: Thomas at his dumbest; dumber than he was during Season 15, only just as dumb. And the end of a much-hated era.
- King of the Railway: The film that restarted a purely nostalgic era.
- Tale of the Brave: OMG OLIVER IZ RETURMING AND SO IZ TEH LITTLE WESTURN!!!!!!1!11!!! Actually, it's not going to happen until S18. Deal with it.
- The Adventure Begins: A direct-to-DVD movie, which further benefits the interests of former and current Thomas fans alike.
- Sodor's Legend of the Lost Treasure: OMGZ BEST FILM EVAR ARLESDALE IS COMING TO THE TVS REX BERT AND MIKE ARE IN THE TVS NOW AND SO R DOLAND AND DOUGLAS!!!!11!!!!!111!1!!!!
- The Great Race: Thomas turns the world into a musical (actually Duck did because he was the first to sing).
- Journey Beyond Sodor: Ganon and his minons have seized JAMES and now Thomas has to meet up with some failed experiments to stop Ganon and save Koridai. Also bouncing.
- Thomas and Henry go to White Castle: After burning a hopper of Jamaican green coal, Thomas and Henry become Rastafarians and attempt to find a White Castle on the isle. After 85 minutes of them crashing into each other and running over kids, the Controller tells them that trains don't actually eat. They proceed to laugh so hard they fall apart. Contains a special guest appearances by James Earl Jones, who chugs 40s of Midnight Dragon until he passes out and shat himself, and Adam Sandler who trades insults with Toby as a recurring subplot.
- Thomas Meets the Wario Brothers: Thomas meets the Wario Bros. The Wario bros. wreck havoc on the railways. After this, the companies that produced the movies and series closed.
- The Adventures of Thomas: A cancelled feature-length movie initially set for release in 2014/5
After the series became a big hit with children, the ass at HiT Entertainment created two spinoffs to the series. One titled the Fatty Show, and the other, My Name is Oliver. Both are based off of copyrighted shows.
Behind the Scenes
The show was made by many fat people or gay women. They buy expensive Gauge 1 (1:32) scale models and fuck them up with faces made out of modeling clay. It has been rumoured that the shows creator, The Reverand W. Awdry possesed these models with evil souls. This is most likeley true because James acts like a Cereal killer. In order to keep their mouths shut about this theory, the Rev. W. Awdry superglues their mouths shut, limiting their movements to rolling their eyes, and their wheels moving while a 35mm camera films them, and they get voiced by George Carlin, Alec Baldwin, and Ringo Starr. The show is soon to be switching to CGI next year, causing major Cramps and Floods of tears by fattass fanboys.
Where are They Now?
Many believe that the coal featured in the final episode of the Season is what led to the untimely scrapping of the star. Anyway, all the episodes written in this colour were heavily edited after the finale and reaired as a new show. All the other episodes were stored away to be eventually redubbed as a documentary on Chinese labour.
On the Isle of Sod(or) today, the new and brightly coloured engines run the line to attract children and consumers. The original actors are scattered in places including Scrapyards, Asian Factories, Rehab Centres, Garbage Plants, the set of The Bill and the Obese Controller's stomach. Speaking of which, the Railway Chairman went down with James as he fell from a broken bridge. His last meal was a week long.
Characters that never saw the light of day:
Jack The Possibly Homosexual Engine: The Studio saw this character as offensive to the Homosexual population of both England and The United States, so the engine was never created.
Osama Bin Laden: A mysterious engine from a far off island called "Iran" who attempts to kill the Obese Controller.
George W. Bush: Osama Bin Laden's swarn enemy. On many occasions he has been heard spewing the line "Fuck you Osama, you little piece of shit!" It is THIS line that kept the studio from ever creating this engine.
- Isaac The Tank Engine
- Thomas the Tank Engine: The Movie
- Darth Vader
- Your dad
- Ringo Starr
- George Carlin
- Alec Baldwin
- Pierce Brosnan
- Ringo Starr Thomas