Those damn kids
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“"Those damn kids are making the beetus act up on me"”
~ Wilford Brimley on those damn kids
“"Those damn kidth are alwayth making fun of my thpeech impedement"”
~ Boston Mayor Tom Menino on those damn kids
“"Those Damn Kids are an extension of an elaborate government plan. The administration lied again. Don't question my logic and well-formed opinions"”
~ Keith Olbermann on those damn kids
“"I think there's no question, those damn kids are responsible for at least 77% of the evil in this world"”
~ Sean Hannity on those damn kids
“"Get a fuckin job, ya whores"”
~ The Cookie Monster on those damn kids
“"I did not have sexual relations with those damn kids"”
~ Bill Clinton on those damn kids
“"How many of those damn kids does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Hell I dunno, but I doubt those bastards believe in lighbulbs anyway"”
~ Jesus on those damn kids
Those Damn Kids are an unorganized, otherwise unaffiliated emotional and biological terrorist group, bent on the destruction of America, and the death of Wilford Brimley, being that they won’t get the hell off his lawn- (That and the whole diabeetus thing.) While those damn kids have been blamed for many of today’s societal issues, little else is known about this semi-coherent organization. The whereabouts of central leadership, or any type of headquarters is unknown as of yet.
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[edit] From Early Beginnings
In the beginning, all was calm. Old people could water their lawns without having to worry about who would mess them up. Free-market economics was thriving and free from the treasonous damn kids, who felt the need to alter world economics by spreading Communism. Store owners didn't have to worry about those damn kids stealing gum, and firefighters didn't have to worry whether the call about Timmy being caught in a well wasn't another hoax. And then, bam. Every third phone call in the world had the words 'Is your refrigerator running,?' or 'Do you have Prince Albert in a can?'or 'I think there's a problem with my butt- there's a huge crack in it.' Houses began being unexplicably egged, buildings vandalized, and communism spread. The commonly accepted date of the founding of Those Damn Kids is September 17, 1904, when the first prank call ever was made. This is the first recorded attack by Those Damn Kids. The era thereby became known as 'The True Dark Ages' to all who stood for the common good, and freedom from skateboards.
[edit] Today's Damn Kids
Today's Damn Kids pose new challenges to society. Those Damn Kids have been said to be responsible for the SARS scare, and many speculate that a plan is still in the works for a grafiti-ing of a major federal building in April of 2009. Some say that the group's leader may make public appearance soon after well over 90 years in seclusion- some even speculate that the leader of those damn kids may have infiltrated local nursing and retirement homes in the Tampa Bay area, scouting the area for weaknesses in security. No matter, we must be constantly on the lookout for those damn kids, and be there wherever a building is being defaced, a house egged, a car keyed, or traffic obstructed. Those damn kids are everywhere. If you know anything about any of those damn kids,
[edit] Known Criminal offenses by Those Damn Kids
- The spread of communism to eastern Asia
- Shooting paint-balls into Aunt Ethel's room
- Replacing the head on Abraham Lincoln's body at the Lincoln Memorial with the head of Snorlax
- Not staying off Wilford's lawn
- Writing "O'Doyle Rules" on the front of the Zimbabwe Public Library
- Playing their music so loud as to disrupt the frequency of Pat Robertson's hearing aid
- Borrowing "Civil Disobedience" from a local public library and not returning it
- Spraypainting "MegaDeth" on Mr. Anderson's garage
- Creation and later killing of a fictional character named 'Kenny'
- Thinking that Mortal Kombat is better than Donkey Kong
- Laughing at church
- Two words: AL GORE
[edit] See also
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