Thai
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File:Snaketiecomic.jpg A Thai, commonly misspelt as tie, is a rope that is around the necks of people who like to wear casual clothes. It's a gesture of politeness, so as to show "If I behave like an asshole, pull it and I'll die". First worn by Nikola Tesla in 1929, it became popular with bankers during the stockmarket crash, as it was a convenient way to hang themselves.
In one country in the world, Thailand, everyone, both men, women, and children, wear thais. The most common greeting in the Thai language is: Those who are about to die, greet thai, referring to the rope around their necks.
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[edit] The Danger of Thais
Some believe they make wonderful gifts and are the perfect present for any man with a neck, however, the thai is the most dangerous article of clothing, rivaling that of pants. The thai wraps itself around the poor defenseless neck. It then injects The innocent man (or cross-dressing whore's) neck with a polyester based neurotoxin, causing itchiness, breathing problems, and an overwhelming desire to wear paisley. As the toxin progresses through the body, the victim of the cheap, polyester based thai will submit to the man.
Silk based thais, however, are a whole 'nother ball game, as it were. The thai, being made of silk, is very slippery and can wriggle out of almost any person's grip, hanging a person by itself instead of merely making them wish they could. However, the silk-based thai is much more comfortable when worn around the neck and is not as itchy as their polyester counterparts.
[edit] Safety Thai's
For those too clumsy and/or uncoordinated to safely wear a thai (the accident prone who can hurt themselves in a sand box) the safety thai was made. This thai, commonly refered to as a clip-on thai, does not go around the neck and will easily release the wearer if it is pulled or gets caught on something. Besides those seriously needing safety thai's only sissies and wimps and possiblely cross dressers wear safety thai's.
[edit] How to Use
Tie a noose in the thai (if you are in a hurry just use a slipknot) lower over head until it rests on shoulders, tuck thai under collar and tighten until snug. There are many acceptable knots that may be used with a thai, check with a boyscout or buy the "Thai's for dummies" book.
[edit] Alternate Uses
Thai's can be used to gag people, tie people up, tie people to the bed, replace an engine belt, bandage wounds, leash the dog, pull a water-skier behind a boat, make a funky bandana, make a snare for Godzilla, fix a leaky showhead, soak up fluids (water, blood, coffee, oil, etc.) better than a sham-wow, repair a tennis racket, be placed on a bedroom door for privacy, make a bow (for use with an arrow or for fire starting), as a book mark, the uses are nearly limitless. Thai are the swiss army knife of clothing. They can be worn tradionally around the neck, they can be used as a belt, they can be carefully aranged and knotted to make a bikini or undergarments, they can be wrapped around the head to make a turban, etc.
[edit] Cooking Thai
Pad Thai is a popular noodle dish in Thailand. The noodles are of course shaped like little nooses (and of course bowthai pasta is shaped like a bowtie).
[edit] See also
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Commonly misspelt as tie, is a rope that is around the necks of people who like to wear casual clothes. |
