Tiger Woods
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"He's absolutely amazing at coming in first every time he starts except when Philly Phil plays!"
Good Ol' Carol on Tiger Woods
Tiger "Eldrick" Woods (born Eldrick Woods) (born December 30, 1975) is an American professional golfer whose achievements to date rank him among the most successful golfers of all time. Currently the World No. 1, he was the highest-paid professional athlete in 2008, having earned an estimated $110 million from winnings and endorsements.[6]
Woods has won fourteen professional major golf championships, the second highest of any male player, and 67 PGA Tour events, third all time.[7] He has more career major wins and career PGA Tour wins than any other active golfer. He is the youngest player to achieve the career Grand Slam, and the youngest and fastest to win 50 tournaments on tour.
Woods has held the number one position in the world rankings for the most consecutive weeks and for the greatest total number of weeks. He has been awarded PGA Player of the Year a record nine times, the Byron Nelson Award for lowest adjusted scoring average a record eight times, and has tied Jack Nicklaus' record of leading the money list in eight different seasons. He has been named Associated Press Male Athlete of the Year a record-tying four times, and is the only person to be named Sports Illustrated's Sportsman of the Year more than once.
Since his record-breaking win at the 1997 Masters Tournament, golf's increased popularity is attributed to Woods' presence. He is credited for dramatically increasing prize money in golf, generating interest in new audiences as the first person of African American descent to win the Masters, and for drawing the largest TV audiences in golf history.[8][9][10][11][12
All this success has earned him many endorsement deals from the likes of Nike, Buick, all of which have made him one of the most recognizable athletes on the planet.
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[edit] Tiger's Childhood
In the beginning...
Tiger Wumbasa Urkel Woods is believed to be the illegetamate love child of Mr. Rogers and Bill Cosby. Bill Cosby is believed to have used his sperm to artificially inseminate a Taiwanese prostitute, with aspirations of starting a nail salon in the USC village center, in order to produce Tiger. He would be genetically perfect to play the sport of Golf- black sportsmanship mixed with buddhist concentration. After the birth of the chosen Woods, his mother was executed and fed to piranhas off the coast of Thailand.
Cosby and Rogers decided his name because of his peculiar ethnic background; half Taiwanese, half Nigger, hence- "Ti...ger." When he was only two years old he appeared on popular MTV television show "The Real World" with his father Harry Hamlin and Mr. T. show hitting golf balls with his cute little driver into a huge likeness of Bob Barker, foreshadowing both his awesome golf career as well as his dislike of so-called animal rights. He struck puberty at a remarkably early age, (3 years) which caused many discomforts within his family as it meant that his genitals were as long as his leg.With his genitals nearly as long as his lust for rebellion Tiger decided to stop playing Golf and start a new hobby extreme masturbation (he also continued to use his golf clubs... except for various reasons) He then decided it wasn't for him as he had endured serious hand injuries and went back to Golfing, much to the happiness of his Father Ivegot Woods and best friend and fellow 'golfer', Dave Parr, who took part in the Worst round of golf ever witnessed. The remainder of his childhood is a mystery although friends have later recounted that he spent his teen years living in a very posh cave in Santa Barbara, California. He was also convicted of rape at this time and was seen molesting a golf ball during his math class.It is a known fact that on Tiger Woods's drive when he follows through he gets a turtle head.
It is also well known that he has an IQ of well over 9000 which is much more than Zaib's IQ because Zaib is a stupid grenade hauling terrorist. Mr.Woods was many all time favorites don't be fooled by the rocks that he got his still tiger from the block :)
Tiger's wife is hotter than all ur moms so fuck off
[edit] Tiger's Formative Years
TWith his mind opened to all kinds of revolutionary ideas for the first time during his four years at the super-liberal University of Guantanamo Bay (UGB), all it took was one suggestion from his roommate and fellow golf team member Carrot Top to convince Woods that he was needed in the great fight. He would bring the fight to America itself. Eventually, however his career was halted after his roommate was found molested and dead on Woods' bed while Woods continues to deny such allegations that he was in fact the rapist.
[edit] Sexuality
Tiger woods is truly GAY!! Probably.
tiger woods is NOT not gay
Tiger woods might be gay...
The Gay community wishes Tiger woods was gay.
[edit] The Future
The sky appears to be the figurative limit for Tiger's golf career as none of his fellow golfers appear able to offer anything in the way of resistance to his merciless assault on the record books, and the sky also seems to be the literal limit of his terrorist exploits as his mounds of puppies and kittens begin their eventual onslaught on the heavens.
[edit] Emotions
Apparently, due to the laws of physics, Tiger Woods can not be angry. This is especially true when Tiger walked into his totally hot Swedish wife having sex with a muscular Bulgarian body builder. A well know fact is that all of his covers for his games are digitally edited by Gorge Lucas himself at 5000 trillion dollars due to the massive labor caused.
