Tiltyu

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History[edit]

Be afraid. Be very afraid.

First incarnation[edit]

Tiltyu comes from a long line of Wiccans, dating back to 2,000 BC. As a child, she was bullied mercilessly because of her special powers. And her bad habit of using said special powers to kill people for fun. When her parents found out about her killing habit they sold her to the Mafia for crack, hoping to scar her for life.

Unfortunately, it didn't work the way they planned. Tiltyu was right at home in the Mafia, where she learned the fine art of killing with knives and hot kinky sex. Her life kicked ass until she was tragically blown up at the tender age of 40, when the sausage factory she broke into was bombed by terrorists

Second incarnation[edit]

In her next life, Tiltyu was a medieval princess who was cruelly oppressed by her jealous sister-in-law Hilda. She spent her days locked in a tower where she composed weepy emo poetry and wore black eyeliner. Many horny and desperate men lusted after the tragic goth princess, but the mean and jealous Hilda wouldn't let Tiltyu love any men.

Tiltyu found out the extent of Hilda's jealousy one night when she woke up and found Hilda naked in her bed. Hilda had been drugging Tiltyu and having her wicked way with her fragile person every night for the past five years!

Disgusted at having been fucked by this stupid whore, Tiltyu committed suicide by shaving her legs in the bathtub with an electric razor.

Third incarnation[edit]

Tiltyu was reborn yet again in 1979 to hippies. Her special powers remained intact, but her love of killing people was replaced with a love of funky fruit hats. She joined the Funky Fruit Hats Gang at school and had a gay old time.

During her high school career, Tiltyu performed in a rock band, drove around the world in a van solving mysteries, traveled back in time, and went into outer space every other weekend. Tragically, the fun and frolics ended when Repo Men took away the van, the time machine, and the spaceship.

Currently, Tiltyu writes cheesy BDSM romance novels under the name Jade Spinks.

For no reason, here's a ferret.

Powers[edit]

Tiltyu has the unique ability to control thunder and lightning, passed down through many generations of drunk and horny mages. She's also skilled at hanging people from trees and pelting them with used tampons, and not bad with a knife. She refuses to use guns because the smell of gunpowder makes her gag.

Sex life[edit]

Tiltyu is an open bisexual, something her wussy boyfriend is both confused and turned on by. She stages sexy parties on weekends and works at a strip bar during the holidays.

Enemies[edit]

Of course, a power-mad sex fiend like Tiltyu has many enemies. Anna Nicole Smith and Barbara Streisand have tried to get her arrested for drug use and cow molesting by planting false evidence in her underwear drawer many times. Eric Cartman hates her for not inviting him to her sexy parties. Teh Cheat is sick of Tiltyu downloading his music without paying.

Trivia[edit]

  • Tiltyu shaves her pubes.
  • Her bra size is 36B, but her bra holster is a whopping 40D, thus making her look even sexier when in uniform.
  • Many of Jade Spinks's novels are being pursued for movie rights.