Tim Curry (actor)

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“He's my favourite hot Curry!”

~ Oscar Wilde on Tim Curry
Mmmmmm. I'd like to be "frank" with his "furter" any day of the week. Wouldn't you, ladies?

Tim Curry aka (Time For Curry) was raised as a minion of evil by the Demon Lord Mark Gotleib and was a powerful and dangerous threat to all good. He is the anti-ego and arch-enemy of famous motivational speaker Tony Robbins. He has a strong fondness for cake and other such bakery products. However, he isn't too fond of er...bees...

Despite his camp mannerisms, louche attitude and coterie of close female friends who feel "really safe" with him, he is not actually gay, but is as straight as Kevin Spacey.

Appearance[edit]

In a rare photo we see Curry without any movie make-up on.

He is known to have two forms. The first is his original, more commonly seen humanoid gay state. He may transform into his other, more monstrous, and even gayer visage by using all of his power in one go, although afterwards he is left exhausted and out of puff. Incredible as that may seem. In this maximum state he can be differentiated by Tinkerbell fairy wings, long blue claws and a pink llama. It is in this state that he can be found devastating entire star systems, laying waste to various Paradises, and shopping at Asda. He's famous for taking on the role of Jeremy Beadle in The Bearded Horror, despite having ten fingers. The difference only becomes apparent when he opens his mouth. Or waves "Hello". Or just breathes. "Watch out, Curry's about..."

Look at that face. I'm just putting it out there.... "Come on Guys.. I think we can can trust Tim Curry". I mean, that's a face that would never lie, never tie a lady to a railway line, never kidnap your puppies and then threaten to shoot them and never ever in life send Kirov Airships at America.

History[edit]

By day prolific actor, by night demonic soldier. Created by the demon lord Mark Gotleib, he was trained over thousands of years to be a powerful demonic warrior and is nearly the equal of his rival, the demi-god Bruce Campbell, peace be upon him. He also won the Battle of Gettysburg.

Musical ability[edit]

Unknown to most historians, Tim Curry is a well-established flute player. He won the annual cunt blower contest for three years running and was praised for his dexterity and distinctive three-finger hold, producing low moans of unique melody. His abilities as player of the pink oboe have also been praised, and audiences often leave his performances with a happy smile. Along with his flexibility in the flute department, he has also been professionally playing the Kazoo since he was 5 years old. He offered to blow Kevin Spacey's Kazoo once, but he politely declined.

King of Mondas[edit]

Tim Curry came into power on the planet Mondas by marrying the widowed Queen. His rule enacted such laws as the NEW law of gravity which states that European Swallows actually CAN carry coconuts from Africa. His royal guard consisted of just one annoying French guy that was afraid of ducks. While on Mondas, he had a daughter named Sally Curry. Unfortunately, he pissed off a Doctor who specialized in bionic replacement body parts.

Coup D'Etat[edit]

The Doctor he pissed off turned out to be working as an advertiser for Cyberdyne Systems; so, they beat the living shit out of that one inept guard and threw King Curry into the Void (Doctor Who explains it as a gap between dimensions, some races call it hell). Fortunately, his daughter got into the Witness Protection Program and changed her last name to Acorn (Don't ask). She now lives off the grid while Mondas is being "upgraded" to "Mondas.2". Tim Curry escaped into 1973 with the help of Sam Tyler and now is back on Earth getting his life on track.

Current Status[edit]

He is currently undergoing Ninja Pirate training alongside his now friend, Bruce Campbell, learning under Campbell's father, Hattori Hanzo.

He enjoys the odd game of hopscotch, and is in talks with Jimbo Wales about being the captain of Togo.

Teaching[edit]

He is the founder of "Prepare to Die!", the principal school for arch-enemies located three miles outside Pinewood. Here, prospective supervillains learn how to master clipped British vowels and camply salivate over phrases like "Are you threatening me, master Jedi?". Previous graduates include General Zod, Pinhead, Emperor Palpatine and Tony Blair, although none have yet mastered his wide-mouthed archness and ability to swallow whole sets without chewing.

Etymology[edit]

Curry owns the copyright to the phrase "Mwahh-hah", after three years of litigation from Ernst Stavro Blofeld, although he still has to share credit for the phrase "I'll get you, my pretty..."

Filmography[edit]

8 the rocky horror picture show frank n furter

  • Command and Conquer: Red Frankfurt 3