Timothy Darling

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Timothy Darling is a retired porn-star/beastiality expert who was the lead in such films as Looney Toons: Baggin' Action, Naked in New York, and the Beautician and the Beast. He was also the star of a few dozen James Bond movies. Your mother says he is her favorite after Sean Connery, but she forgets (Guy) Pierce Brosnan. Everyone forgets (Guy) Pierce Brosnan.

Early Life[edit]

Like most boys his age, growing up in West Buggerall-upon-Tyne, young Timothy went through a period of painful metamorphosis which, had he not left to perform a career as sheep herder/fucker up in Twatt, Scotland would have turned him into a poodle. This would have made him not nearly large enough to anally rape the 6-headed goat-beast Fran Drescher in his later years as was prophesized by Oscar Wilde. While he was later able to perform tasks native to humanity, Darling still has a small pink fluffy tail belying his origins.


After numerous mistakes of where to "bury the bone" as he later learned to call it, Darling wandered for many years until ultimately being cast as the lead in Troy Theater's production of Much Ado About Huffing. His performance was hailed as a new age in pornographic dramaturdy, but no one knows for reals. Darling later went on to figuratively and literally feast on the eyes of every person to ever pity him, as he was the star of every James Bond movie, except for the ones he wasn't in. Shame about the Drescher AIDS, really...