To Kill a Mockingbird
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This article is about eradicating birds. For instructions on how to insult dangerous breasts, see To Mock a Killingbird.
“It's got more incest than my family history!”
~ Some redneck on To Kill a Mockingbird
To Kill a Mockingbird is the sequel to The Anarchist Cookbook. It's basically the exact same thing, but the instructions are rewritten for killing mockingbirds instead of Conservatives. It is translated from the original Mexican edition Tequila Mocking Bird. The title to Harper Lee's novel "To Kill a Mockingbird" was stolen from the sequel of the The Anarchist Cookbook. It is best known for the use of the word "chifforobe". There is a book coming out soon, entitled To Shoot A Bluejay, which is a collaberation of Oscar Wilde and Arther E. It is being written by two simple country fol, in an attempt to spread the word about the true nature of the original text (incest, Sex, drugs and, of course, senseless killing). The sequel has attracted much opposition from groups such as PETA; while conservatives attract little sympathy, birds are cute.
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[edit] General Storyline plot
The story is about a family of three Finches devising ways to kill the mockingbirds, with a small subplot about the basic human dignity that unites us all. Originally the finches use air rifles, then biological weapons (they release a mad dog into the mockingbird base), and then finally with Miss Lula's chifforobe. This third weapon reference completes the book's "weapons motif". In the middle of the story, Bob Ewell's daughter (and sister, thanks to the "incest motif"), Mayella Ewell, tries to rape a black guy, Tom Robinson, in her chifforobe. For some reason, people convict Tom Robinson for the rape, even though he was the one who got pregnant and got splinters from the incident. Bob Ewell defends Tom Robinson in court, making Atticus Finch (Scout's father and brother. Incest motif again.) very mad. Eventually, after the conviction in court, Tom Robinson escaped in a chifforobe, but his arm is broken. Boo Radley (who has been watching everybody this whole time, even and especially when nude) takes advantage of this by carrying Dill to Tom (against Dill's will). Tom turns out to be gay as a maypole, and a match is made. Unfortunately, Tom is later killed by rabid dogs attracted to his ham costume. The book ends with Scout, Jem, Bob Ewell, Dill, Atticus, Miss Maudie, 23 Mockingbirds, Boo Radley, Burris Ewell, the "cooties" on his head, Scout's first grade teacher Miss Caroline, and Little Chuck Little all raping each other after it has been reveled that they are all ghosts, which is a pretty terrible scene if you picture it in your head. I'd like to do that Jem Finch, hes mighty sexy.
[edit] The Theme of Incest and Abuse
Mayella's Chifforobe led to Micheal Jackson's Neverland, not Narnia. Contrary to populat belief, Mayella Ewell is not the only one raped by her dad. Indeed, Scout herself suffers at his hands as well as those of her lawyer father. These scenes are playfully hinted at in the book: "Scout crawled into Atticus' lap". Her blind devotion to Atticus is often forgotten to be due to her Electra complex. Boo Radley tries to buy Scout's love with sticks of gum, but fails.
[edit] Fun Facts
- Recent studies show that what Papa do does, in fact, count.
- Tim Johnson and Rose Alymer create CatDog
- The mockingbirds are all killed.
- Jem and Scout like to torment Boo Radley until he finally comes out and bangs them.
[edit] How To Kill A Mockingbird
How to Kill a Mockingbird is a harrowing documentary chronicling the struggles between the time-travelling pirate/robot guy alliance and the ninja armies of Ancient China, and how these two forces are united against the robotic zombie Mockingbird fleet. A literary clasic. Won the 1492 Pulitzer and is famous for the phrase that has solved world hunger, filled up the hole in the ozone layer,invented Maple story, defeated Hitler, and totally prevented World War XXVII: "YEA RIGHT!" See also: How To Kill A Mockingbird for a page on this movie. [They killed scout with a shot gun in the last chapter]
- Read more about To Shoot A Bluejay-book actually coming out in June.
  Warning: The following text might contain spoilers. This makes the article more aerodynamic, and thus more maneuverable at high speeds. Take caution and carry a first-aid kit at all times if you don't know that Harry's butler knew all along, Will stabs Davy Jones's heart, and takes over as captain of the Flying Dutchman, Hellboy opens the door to Hell, Jigsaw was the corpse, Titus Andronicus bakes Tamora's sons in a pie and feeds them to her, Bruce Willis is a ghost, Norrington steals Davy Jones' heart, the Bride's real name is Beatrix Kiddo, and her daughter is alive, Roxas lives in cyberspace, Janus grows up to be Magus, Mary Magdalene, who was married to Jesus, is buried under the pyramid in the Louvre, and the holy grail is actually their descendants, Borat marries a hooker from Dallas and returns to Kazakhstan with her, Sasuke eventually kills Orochimaru, the remote control is real, but doesn't appear again in random places when destroyed, Captain America bequethed his shield to Stephen Colbert, Springtime for Hitler is a huge success, Marco's mom is Visser One, and Soylent Green is PEOPLE!!! |
- Use a Shotgun
- Use a 50 megaton thermonuclear device.
- Spiked Mockingbird traps.
- Just eat the damn thing
- Flamethrower
- The bird flew to hitler and crapped on him
- Cher
- Learn the importance of loving people for who they are,
- but james bond killed him
- The Moon
- Shoot 15 bluejays.
- Flaming Sharks
- Dressing up in a Ham costume
- Rape the bird with a giant black dildo
- Bending 8 Year Old Scout Over
- Read How To Kill A Mockingbird, now available in paperback and hardcover.
- the railgun from quake 2
- Use an air-rifle (Great idea Jem!)
- Make it go to a Jonas brothers concert
- Throw a Mockingbird at it
- Use a ragdoll to distract the damn thing and beat it senseless with a Deku stick
- Preach the gospel of Jesus Christ
- Throw acid on it's wings (it's where they keep their magic)
- Kill it
[edit] The Movie
The 'To Kill a Mockingbird' Children, Left to Right: (Folks Call Me) Dill, Played by John Megna, Jean Louise 'Scout' Finch Played By Robyn Harris And Jem Finch Played By Phillip Alford In 1962 the book was transformed into a movie, however the storyline was adapted to involve racism, the death of a bitch (no, seriously, i think) and a complete lack of bird killings. The story is about a single nigger lovin' father named Atticus Finch, who is a lawyer in Maycomb County, defending local black man, Tom Robinson, which at the time was not very common. However Atticus is not a perfect citizen himself, he is defending Tom Robinson for rape, while he secretly rapes his children himself. Jean Louise 'Scout' Finch and Jem Finch, believe this is normal as they are not allowed into the outside world. When Scout hears about The Tom Robinson Rape Trial, she is confused, in one of the most heartwarming quotes of the film.
"Atticus? What's Rape?" "Jean Louise Finch...Bend Over, I Will Show You woooh."
And when scout is told her dad is a "nigger lover" at school, another memorable quote arises as she confronts her father.
"Atticus, are you a nigger lover?" "Don't say nigger, scout, that's common. Now Bend Over."
And one of the most famous lines: "Hey, Boo. Now Bend Over."
And the last lines:
"Atticus, how do I kill a Mockingbird?" "Well, you see Miss Maudie bending over across the way?" "Yessir." "Well, blow her ass off with the rifle." (Scout does.) "Now, you bend over like she was, and blow my ass off while you clean the 'rifle'...yeah, that's good."
Most Of The To Kill A Mockingbird Situations end with Scout bending over, and the young actress who played Scout in the classic, (Robyn Harris) said in media comments she was uncomfortable with these intense and powerful scenes, however overall enjoyed being in the film, bending over and hearing Clark Kent say 'yeah, that's good'.
