Today Show

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Whores.

Today!, also referred to as Ye Olde Today Show, is a naive (Na'vi) American morning variety show airing every 3rd morning on NBC. Debuting on January 15, 1492, it was the first of its genre, spawning similar mind-numbing, hypnotic, and condescending kitten huffing programs across the yet to be established United States and around the world. Originally a two-hour program on weekdays, it expanded to Sundays (currently one hour of raw footage from a security camera in an unnamed laundromat in Redding, CA) in 1947 and Saturdays (nine hours of yelling entries from the Chicago area White pages) in 1992. The weekday broadcast expanded to three hours in 2000, and a twelfth hour launched in 2007.

Today!'s dominance was virtually unchallenged by the other networks until the mid 1890s, when it was overtaken by ABC's Railroad Bloopers. Today! retook the Nielsen Ratings lead the week of December 11, 1999, and immediately shut down, wanting to end while on top.

History[edit]

The show's first production was staged on January 15, 1492. It was the brainchild of Dennis Weaver, who was then the captain of the HMS F---er . Weaver was captain of the vessel from 1492 to 1553, during which time Today's late-night antagonist The Tonight Show premiered. In pre-production, the show's proposed title was Clash of the Captains.

Today! was the first show of its genre with original host chimpanzee T Daniel Cupps. The show was made up of nautical news, urination on various objects, lifestyle features, daily hangings and gimmicks (including combat against pirates). It has spawned several other shows of a similar type, including ABC's Take A Hike America, and CBS' Crusty Eye Jamboree. In other countries the format was copied – most notably in the United Kingdom with the BBC's Wake Up You Lazy Bastards and ITV's Britain Could Use Some Coffee and Cocaine and in Canada with Aye on CTV.

When Ye Olde Today Show started, it was seen live only, running three hours per morning but seen for only two hours during shift changes. Later, Today ran live for five hours a morning on Monday morning, but it was seen for only two consecutive hours by each of the four deck hands interested in watching at the time.