Toddlers
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“Oops, I stepped on something. Oh wait, it's just a toddler. Good riddance.”
~ Oscar Wilde on Road Kill
Template:Whoops!
Toddlers are a race of communist child-like humanoids who are notorious for being inferior in every aspect to the average human. Adult toddlers, for example, are barely a fourth of the size of an adult human, are unable to speak well, and consistently test lower on IQ test than humans. This is one of the many reasons for the repression of the toddlers by humans and for booster seats.
Though toddlers are found worldwide, there are certain locations that they favor. Any toddler who breaks free from human control is very likely to find its way to one of these places:
- The Toy Store
- In highway traffic - during rush hour
- The Ice Cream Shop
- Australia
- Outer Space
- The Neverland Ranch
- Underwater (usually dead)
- A strip club
- The Moon
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[edit] Natural Habitat
However, humans have many systems for recovering toddlers that have run away, including the Children Recovery Helpline and GPS devices.
[edit] Toddler Revolutions
Toddlers have many times tried to end their persecution by the humans. Most revolutions, however, failed due to inferior planning, inferior strength, inferior motivation, inferior supplies, inferior numbers, and to diaper rash. To this day, it is not known if they've given up or not. Who knows? Maybe one day, they'll succeed...
[edit] The Children's Crusade
The Children's Crusade was a valiant effort by the toddlers to find the Holy Land. 10,000 toddlers escaped from their human captors and made a brave dash for Jerusalem. However, raiders led by Benoit captured them and sold them into slavery. Many historians believe that Benoit mistook them for children, and that he would not have enslaved them if he knew they were toddlers. This explanation accounts for the misnomer in the name Children's Crusade. It has been suggested that it be renamed to the "Toddlers' Trip," but everyone is too lazy to change the name.
[edit] Child Labor Laws
When Child Labor Laws were passed, they contained a flaw that prohibited any toddlers from getting a job. Though the labor laws were a major blow to coal mines and factories, which used child labor for the good of mankind, the laws actually helped in this instance. Previously, toddlers had disguised themselves as illegal immigrants in order to obtain jobs. The inferior jobs performed by the toddlers devastated the economy, and was one reason for the decline of coal mines. With the Child Labor Laws, however, any toddler caught working was put to death. This decreased competition for the real illegal immigrants, who were paid less as a result. Everyone wins!
[edit] Famous Toddlers in History
Toddlers have appeared numerous times as famous historical figures. Anyone famous for doing a terrible job at things is usually considered to be a toddler or to be related to one. Here are some examples:
- George W. Bush
- Gandhi
- Steve Irwin (though this is often disputed, it is generally believed that only a toddler can be killed by a stingray)
- Bill Gates
- Steve Urkel
- Gordon Brown
And many others.
[edit] See Also
