Tré Cool
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“Tré Cool was drunk when he created the Earth. Thats why its so fucked up.”
~ Oscar Wilde on Tré Cool
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| Term of office: | 19th March 2012 – 1st October 2020 | |
| Preceded by: | Jesus Christ | |
| Succeeded by: | Jello Biafra | |
| Date of birth: | 1969 | |
| Place of birth: | Minnesota (Hell) | |
| First Lady: | His hand | |
| Political party: | The Legalise Marijana Party | |
Tré Cool is the 69th President of The United States. He is famous for his policies on pot, punks, and underage sex. He is also the first person to be scientifically proven to be God. So don't mess.
Contents |
[edit] Biography
Tré was born in Minnesota, then re-inserted into his mother using a spatula and taken to Germany to be born. He then moved to Californiazorz.
[edit] Tré's big Election
After George Bush was removed from office in 2008 by a team of super heros from the past known as the Sex Pistols, Jello Biafra ran for president. He used the campaign slogan "Theres always room for Jello!", and only ran on a bet with the "New" Dead Kennedys, that if he won, they'd disband and literally go fuck themselves. When Jello won he quit a numerous number of times, making him the only person to be listed as more than one president. Finally, when he quit his term as the 68th president, Tré ran for president. He won by 103% (as he allowed foreigners such as Flordians to vote).
[edit] Policy on Emo
Tré banned all stupid branch offs of punk. Anyone caught listening to Fall Out Boy is lined up next to a luleelurah and shot by firing squad.
[edit] Policy on Punk
Under Tré's education reformz, school uniforms now consist of band t-shirts, shiny studed belts, and jeans with patches on them. On casual friday, the Ramones uniform is permitted. All classes revolve around Punk culture and music. Chavs/steeks/greasers are removed and sent to "Uberlame Schools".
[edit] Being God
As Tré Cool is God, he is generally considered to be quite powerful. He was either stoned or drunk when he created the universe, as this is the only possible reason bad things could happen to good people.
[edit] Rape Lawsuit
Tré Cool was once sued by his hand for rape. Allegedly, he once had sex with his hand in a bathroom. Luckily for Tré, however, his lawyers combination of using the Chewbakka Defense and proving that his hand had signed a contract to be his Dominated Love Slave in 1992, he won the case.
“Tré's probably Presient because of his brilliant arguement skills. Hes a real master of them. In fact, hes a master debater.”
~ Oscar Wilde on Tré Cool's Presidency and his Rape lawsuit
