Transformers

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Warning This page contains Transformers! So find all the Mini-Cons, destroy the Allspark, stop the Decepticons, reprogram the stasis pods, defend the Autobots, plant the seeds of the future, process all the energon, activate the Omega Lock, open the Matrix, eliminate even the toughest stains, drink 2 gallons of mercury/lead cocktail and light our darkest hour!

“Freedom is the right of all sentient beings...unless they're Gobots, in which case, kill the bastards!”

~ Optimus Prime on freedom and Gobots

Transformers was a popular cartoon series in the 80's about complicated electrical devices designed to transfer energon from one circuit to another paramagnetically. Transformers are often utilized in conversion between "high and low" and "wide and thin" voltages. These devices are also used in changing impedance, as well as producing electrical isolation between circuits. Relative motion of the parts of the transformer is not required for transfer of energy notwithstanding, the apparatus is in fact capable of changing into random mechanical constructs by means of Mr. Fusion and the Flux Capacitor.

Contents 1 Original Concept and Generation 1 2 Different Seasons and Generations 3 Generation One 3.1 Optimus Prime 3.2 Megatron/Galvatron 3.3 Starscream 3.4 Soundwave 3.5 Shockwave 3.6 Bumblebee 3.7 Spike Wickwickywickinessoftheancientwickofthewickwickywickers 3.8 Hot Rod/Rodimus Prime 3.9 Unicron 3.10 Alternative Logos 3.11 Other Characters 3.12 Episode List 3.12.1 The Good Series 3.12.2 Transformers the Movie 3.13 The Terrible Series 4 The Beast Era 5 The Unicron Trilogy 5.1 Characters 6 Transformers The 2007 Movie 6.1 Plot Synopsis 6.2 Synopsis for people with ADHD 6.3 Cast 7 Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen 7.1 New Characters 8 Transformers Animated 8.1 Autobots 8.2 Decepticons 8.3 Humans 8.4 Graphical Analysis 9 What do they look like? 10 See also

[edit] Original Concept and Generation 1

The original concept for the Transformers movie was to feature transgender men and women fighting in an intergalactic war. The studios decided that the idea of transexuals in space would be too far-fetched and promptly changed the movie to feature robots instead as a transparent metaphor. The extreme sexual violence in the original cut of the film was toned down for the preteen audience. The warring transexual robots are formed into two opposing factions.

[edit] Different Seasons and Generations

The first generation was an attempt to outmod Gundam. However, the weeaboo producers fired Optimus Prime because he refused to yell "TRANSFORM" before he transformed. After living on the streets for a couple of months, Gundam Wing found him and raped him in the exhaust pipe. Later, Transformers and Gundam got married aired together on Cartoon Network.

"Beast Wars" changed the Transformers from automobiles to dinosaurs and animals(on a sidenote, dinosaurs ARE animals, to the uneducated wiki editor who wrote this). This was the idea of the producers, who wanted to attract elementary school kids through their obsession with screaming giant clawed lizards and furry things. Megatron was a T-rex and therefore saw the most attention. This caused Optimus Prime (a gorilla) to become jealous. After fighting for thousands of years, the two had fell in love, and promised to kill off the rest of the transformers and run away with each other.

Decepticons, not to be confused with "Emoticons", are irrational homophobes who can turn into guns. Many of these firearms became popular toys in the 1980s, commonly brandished by children to provoke police officers into shooting them. They are mostly colored purple, as the producers confused it with yellow, the color of the homosexual. Decepticons also have a tendency to listen to harder forms of gabber-techno whilst dancing like Arabic kettles.

Autobots, on the other hand, have come to terms with their transgenderism, and have learned to live in harmony with a rag-tag group of human pre-op transsexuals. The leader of the Autobots is Doub-O. With his quick wits and silly speeches of justice, he was sure to spoil their foe's turkey dinner. They sang and made wicker baskets for the Decepticons, and could transform into many useful household electrical items such as:

• Doub-O (Okmatt Okturney)
• A Kettle
• Toastie Makers
• Micro-yam Generators
• Quantum Singularity assisted ovens

Decepticon and Autobot forces are sworn bitter enemies, until the monster planet Unicron ate them all in the summer of 2005 as it made its gravitational pass through the Cybertronic solar system while on extended galactic tour with Planet X promoting the MoonBabies album. ObiWantimus 'Prime' Kinobi exclamed the thoughts of all when he said, "That's no moon!".

The most famous and controversial episode of the series was developed to display the dangers of STDs. Entitled "Mommy, the Robot Raped Me", Optimus Prime had an innapropriate relationship with one of the younger girl humans (they don't have names) and as a result contracted gonorrhea. Fortunately, Optimus is just a robot, and was not affected by this. The episode was banned as it was dull and featured no scenes of nudity, much to the anger of thousands of antisocial nerds, who wanted to see the giant robot strip off.

In the end, after countless episodes of shooting, bad jokes and Optimus Prime dying, the show was cancelled and taken off the air in 1986. The head of the television company was found dead in his house a week later, buried alive by tons of hatemail. But the cast of Transformers live on today, a lot of them returning for future series. Prime ended up as a villain in a toothpaste commercial, Megatron was put in prison for several months for transforming into a gun and was released on bail as a hairdryer, and Soundwave joined a nightclub as a DJ. Unicron's fate is unknown, but his head appeared briefly in the 1996 follow-up to Transformers; Beast Wars.

[edit] Generation One

Transformers has had more cast members than Coronation Street and Eastenders combined. Most left or died during the original animated movie or walked out during the Cybertronian Workers Strike in 2005. Below is a list of notable cast members who starred in the G1 Series.

[edit] Optimus Prime

The leader of the Autobots who transforms into a fucked up truck. His trailer mysteriously disappeared every episode during his transformation into robot mode, but it was revealed that Roller had termites. Prime died fighting a penis in the movie and randomly gave his heart of cocaine to Ultra Magnus, but it was stolen by a hot chick. Prime was revived by a piece of cheese and Skynet to kill the hot chick for being a terrible sex mate.

[edit] Megatron/Galvatron

Megatron is the cruel leader of the Decepticons. He transforms into a gun, which was eventually removed the show due to the early birth of 4Kids. Megatron is a supporter of Fullmetal Alchemist, Michael Jackson and Baywatch. Megatron rapes half the cast during the course of the series, particularly Starscream and Optimus. Megatron kills half the Autobots during the movie but is then tossed out of Astrotrain by Starscream for blowing the Decepticon's money on a new arm cannon. He is reformatted by Unicron into Galvatron, voiced by Mr. Spock. As Galvatron, he watched Starscream die at the Decepticon Barbeque and then tried to take on Unicron with a giant glowing digital watch. He eventually left the show to pursue a career in being a singer. He never sold any records of course. He is also noted as being Gay.

[edit] Starscream

A shrieking retarded Decepticon with the desire to overthrow Megatron. At every given moment, Starscream tries to remove Megatron from his post as commander to become the ultimate villain. It is strongly believed that Starscream might be gay, but it was never proven. He tosses an injured Megatron out of Astrotrain for being a jerk and hosts the Decepticon Barbeque, but Galvatron crashes it and Starscream seems to die thanks to an exploding grill. His soul lived on and possessed several background characters. He screams at stars beacause he gets drunk on Friday nights with Megatron his sex homie. He drinks to much oil ya know

[edit] Soundwave

An emotionless villain who was tragically born without a personality. He transformed into a tape deck. In his chest he kept a host of minor minions to do his bidding including Ravage, Laserbeak, Frenzy, Rumble, Ratbat, Buzzsaw, Mr. T, the Smurfs and Riku. Soundwave was one of the few original cast members to remain all the way to the end of the show, the only others being a revived Optimus and Galvatron. He worked in a nightclub for several years before opening a giant megaplex shopping centre called the Soundbyte. He also started his own rock band. Ravage had to be put down in 1997 due to becoming a Russian hitman. Soundwave wept for days, however he was killed by Vehicondoms in 1999 while Nightscream, the whiny emo bat boy escaped.

There's no justice in the world - that is until he was revealed to be alive, now living in Oklahoma with a woman named Betty who he met on a cargo ship heading for Coruscant. The two somehow made love and had two cyborg babies, who become the Terminator and Captain Hook.

[edit] Shockwave

A loyal member of Megatron's team. He has one large eye on his head to check out the underwear of the female characters. Shockwave lives his life on blatant logic, but in reality, he is a pervert. Shockwave left the show during the movie, wanted by the FBI and members of Greenpeace for apparantely raping the corpse of Judy Garland. He was in hiding for several years until he got a role in Transformers Energon as Shockblast where he discovered Sixshot was his twin. Shockwave was actually tricked into the role by the vice president of America and then someone dropped a giant metal condom on him, killing him.

[edit] Bumblebee

A short yellow guy who has always been picked on for his size. he trys to look like he's best friends with Spike/Sam Wickwicky. He was often picked on by his team mates and was even more humiliated when rebuilt as the lame Goldbug. Bumblebee attempted to commit suicide in 1989, but was saved by Optimus. He was recuperating for many years until recently where he triumphantly returned in the 2007 Movie as a Chevy Camaro. He would have sex with Spike/Sam if the act were not sure to kill Spike/Sam. For this reason, Bumblebee has a lot of pent up sexual frustration in him.

[edit] Spike Wickwickywickinessoftheancientwickofthewickwickywickers

Spike Wickwicky is the origins of many of the annoying human characters developed over the years in the Transformers universe. He asked to many questions and worked with his oddly named father, Sparkplug. Spikey was good friends with Bumblebee and in 2005 he miraculously aged tremendously, trapped in a robotic suit. Spike's role was cut short in the show after swearing in the movie when Unicron ate one of the Cybertronian moons. He was survived by his gun-wielding son Daniel the Prat. He has since been in boxes at Magic Marts across the globe plotting to destroy Optimus for stopping him from committing sucide. Spike's other family members are his father Sparkplug, weird blonde Carly, immature son Daniel the Prat, and his siblings Stripe, Mohawk, Dreadlock, Goatee and Beardy.

• Wicky getting boffed by some buff metal dude http://images2.wikia.nocookie.net/uncyclopedia/images/b/bf/3643799297_e1c4a99a26_o.gif

[edit] Hot Rod/Rodimus Prime

The most unpopular character in the show, Hot Rod was a juvenile street punk who smoked cannibis and repeatedly tried to make out with Arcee. He was deeply jealous of Optimus Prime, and during the movie, he allowed Megatron to shoot his leader multiple times. As Prime died, he gave the Matrix of Leadership to Ultra Magnus. Enraged, Hot Rod later stole the Matrix from Ultra Magnus and became Rodimus Prime. A cynical noob and tyrant, Rodimus reigned over Cybertron for about two years before Optimus was restored to life by Sky Lynx and a Quintesson. Prime beat up and raped Rodimus for his transactions and took back the Matrix. Hot Rod then spent the rest of his days locked in the deepest pits of Cybertron in a chamber with some perverted old men.

[edit] Unicron

A giant planet-eating...planet...that is giant. Unicorn transforms into a giant metal football and the stand-in for the Death Star. Unicorn despises the Matrix, and it is no wonder he boycotted the film trilogy. Unicorn tried to eat Cybertron, only to be attacked from the inside by Rodimus Prime who blew off his head with a glowing disco ball. Unicorn's head survived and floats through space, trying to find the comic con on Naboo. His head passed by the set of Beast Wars in 1996. It hasn't been seen since.

[edit] Alternative Logos

http://images2.wikia.nocookie.net/uncyclopedia/images/9/9a/Il_430xN_59207625.jpg Robots in Disguise in disguise

http://images1.wikia.nocookie.net/uncyclopedia/images/5/54/20081006-transformerbbq.jpg Rohogs in Pigstys

http://images3.wikia.nocookie.net/uncyclopedia/images/5/5c/Bluefuriusprime.jpg Thorbots in Valhalla

http://images2.wikia.nocookie.net/uncyclopedia/images/5/53/Robots-in-disguisezoom.jpg By Jove!-bots in disguise

[edit] Other Characters

The show had a large amount of characters who seemed to be thrown together in five minutes. Most of them died or walked off the show during or after the movie.

• Sandwich : http://images3.wikia.nocookie.net/uncyclopedia/images/e/ee/Transformer.jpg
• Wheeljack: The Autobots resident mad scientist. He invented the Dinobots, pie, the pizza, and the taco bell service. He died in the movie with Windcharger after a horrible accident involving lubricant, a windshield wiper, and Luke Perry.
• Prowl: A police car Autobot who takes things too seriously. He died in the movie, but was revived in the 2007 Movie as an evil police car who took everything seriously. What's the difference?
• Trailbreaker: A guy who has no role in the show and disappeared after the movie.
• Jazz: A music-loving dude who likes shaking his moneymaker. Jazz formed groups such as Abba and the Beatles. Jazz sadly died after the movie, to the song "Murder On the Dancefloor".
• Rock: The autobot brother of Jazz, who loves smashing apart decepticons with a fat rubber guitar.
• Vocals: A terribly ugly autobot who is Jazz's sister, and who kills her foes (and sometimes allies) with ear-ripping singing. She has also been known to sing with her rear-end.
• Steve Talley: The guy who played one of the stifflers on American Pie Beta House. He is one most feared in the series and films.
• Ratchet: The Autobot medical officer. He often quoted Dr. McCoy, saying "He's dead Prime!" He often transformed into an ambulance but in the 2007 Movie he became a green ambulance.
• Ironhide: Optimus Prime's best friend, but a grumpy badassed guy who liked shooting Decepticons. He died in the movie due to leaking lubricants. Played by Michael Ironside.
• Cliffjumper: A fan of Evel Knevel, Cliffjumper is Bumblebee's cousin. He took his own life using a cleaver.
• Cliffhumper: A step-brother of Cliffjumper, Cliffhumper has a bad habit of running off in the middle of a battle to make love to any cliff or canyon he can find. It looks quite awkward in action.
• Hound: A scout with the personality of a gay camp master.
• Husky: Hound's father, Husky likes to roll in the snow and suck on icicles.
• Hauler: Who?
• Necronomicon: Not a Transformer, but man! He'd be awesome if he were.
• Sideswipe: One of two brothers, Sideswipe went on to voice Alphonse Elric.
• Sunstreaker: A pompous guy who loved himself, until he got a scratch and committed suicide.
• Bluestreak: As his name suggests, he paints himself blue and runs around in the nude.
• Tory: English Decepticon who trys to take over the world using his rubbish political powers
• Huffer: The name says it all.
• Lou Reed: http://images2.wikia.nocookie.net/uncyclopedia/images/2/26/6731-transformer.jpg
• Mirage: Mirage was a former aristocrat who transforms into the car of Michael Shumacher.
• Brawn: A strong Autobot with a knack for helping Huffer out of situations. Brawn died after being blasted in the shoulder by Megatron. This happens to a lot of people in violent cartoons.
• Gears: Gears was fired because he continued to rust during filming.
• Rears: Gears' mother, nicknamed "Rears" because of her unusually large...well...you know.
• Windcharger: Windcharger is another pointless character with no screen time. He was killed with Wheeljack.
• Skids: Rarely seen had a screentime of 15 seconds during the cartoon. Voted as Fan favourite character.
• Jetfire: Also known as Skyfire, Jetfire becomes friends with anybody whose everybody if he talks to them for two minutes. One of the twins in the new series!
• Jetstorm:The second twin in the new series: Is famous on Cybertron for his wit, sarcasm and famous prank of dressing himself and his twin as megatron.
• Orgasmatron : http://images4.wikia.nocookie.net/uncyclopedia/images/0/0b/P1420-1.jpg
• Skywarp: One of the many identical jet Decepticons.
• Thundercracker: Another of the identical jet Decepticons.
• Sunstorm: You guessed it!
• Reflector: A rather pointless Decepticon who was made up of three robots. They transformed into one camera. Reflector now takes pornography and also helps out on the Transformers Wiki.
• Sparkplug Witwicky: An oddly named man and Spike's father. He has a hardhat glued to his head.
• Constructicons: A group of six construction vehicles who morphed together to become the gigantic Devastator AKA Gigantor.Previously owned by Bob the builder.
• Grimlock: A dumb Tyrannosaurus Rex in the cartoon (but a godless killing machine in the comics) who leads the Dinobots. His beast mode was later stolen by Trypticon and Megatron II.
• Slag: Actually a Triceratops, his name means nothing.
• Sludge: A useless Brontosaurus.
• Snarl: Gggrrrr...
• Swoop: A flying pteranodon who was the smartest Dinosaur in the show. But that really isn't saying much.
• Shrapnel: A stag beetle who led the Insecticons Insecticons. Tends to repeat himself himself.
• Bombshell: An ugly bug who had a strange outlook on the world, believing Megatron to be a woman.
• Skyfire: Formerly Starscream's sex partner.
• Onslaught: Crazy leader of the Combaticons who transforms into a missile truck.
• Brawl: A tank bot who dies into the 2007 film where he is confused for Devastator.
• Devastator: A tank bot who no one knows what happened to him in the 2007 film where he is confused for Brawl.
• Vortex: A psychotic helicopter bot. Nuff said.
• Blast Off: He did.
• Jack Off: Has a hands-free cannon that shoots stuff so sticky, your mother would be ashamed. Your mother would then be pregnant with Gilbert Gottfried.
• Swindle: A swindling thief who stole most of the props from the set.
• Aerialbots: A quintet of flying jets who had little of a role in the show.
• Alpha Trion: An elderly Autobot whose name goes well if sung in Bohemian Rhapsody.
• Elita One: Optimus Prime's girlfriend. Appeared in one episode. One.
• Stunticons: A group of stuntbots. They are big fans of Evil Knivel.
• Kup: An aged Autobot who liked telling stories of old battles. He was good friends with Hot Rod, but he fell to old age, memory loss and a heart attack all at once.
• Arcee: A pink fembot who killed Wheeljack and Windcharger. She had several relationships with several characters including Hot Rod, Springer, Optimus Prime and Starscream's Ghost. She likes to kick Autobots and Decepticons in the lugnuts. She did this to Sam Witwicky once. He legally changed his name to Samantha. Arcee calls herself a femdombot.
• Springer: A guy who often stated the obvious.
• Perceptor: A scientist who transformed into a giant microscope. That's useful.
• Penetrator: Oh yeah.
• Blurr: Hetalkssofastthatthereisnospacefortakingabreather!
• Ultra Magnus: Prime's counterpart. He says the word "damn" a lot and like Prime, he has had his fair share of deaths.
• Wreck-Gar: Voiced by Eric Idle, Wreck-Gar lives in a junkyard, quoting from Monty Python.
• Wheelie: Wheelie likes to rhyme, in fact he does it all the time. Annoyed, evil and mentally retarded, I'm surprised this jerk has got carded.
• Astrotrain: A treacherous space guy who helped stage the first moon landing.
• PimpMyRide: Autobot who ruins Decepticon morale by seducing their females and BITCH slappin' anyone who pitches a bitch fit.
• Blitzwing: The one on the team who is left out of everything. He eventually left the show and taught Hitler everything he knew. You don't piss off a Transformer.
• Sixshot: A strip dancer with six alternate forms for hours of fun.
• Cyclonus: One of the reformatted minions of Galvatron. No one knows who he was revived from. He's Galvatron's loyalist soldier. Considering the fact he's Galvatron's personal punching bag, it's quite amazing.
• Scourge: A moustached villain reformatted by Unicron.
• Scorponok: A giant Transformer who transforms into a scorpion. How ironic!
• Kaen: A Mustaschoid train with a gay personality.
• Sureshot: Nobody gives a darn about him.
• Sky Garry: Who the heck is he?
• Scooter: He's not a Transfomer, he's a stinking Gobot!!
• Creep: He's a creep, he's a weirdo. What the heck is he doing here?
• Kitticus Mecha Robota Claws - o'tron : http://images1.wikia.nocookie.net/uncyclopedia/images/3/37/Lolcatsdotcomx7qntcsuv7om0pri.jpg

[edit] Episode List

[edit] The Good Series

1. More Than Meets The Eye, Part 1: The Autobutts and Emoticons leave Cybertron in the hands of Shockwave and decide to crashland on Earth for a billion years. Beast Wars comes and goes, as do the dinosaurs. A heat ray wakes up all the Transformers and gives them all vehicle or weapon modes. Megatron and his buddies blow up an oil rig for fun.
2. More Than Meets The Eye, Part 2: The annoying humans invade the Autobots base. Sparkplug tries to remove the helmet glued to his head. The legacy of human stupidity begins when Spike brings Soundwave into the Ark.
3. More Than Meets The Eye, Part 3: The Decepticons try to head out in space. Optimus Prime spends the whole episode screaming "MMMMMMEEEEEGGGGGAAAATTTRRRROOOONNNN!" along with Captain Kirk screaming for Khan. Mirage blows up the Decepticon vessel.
4. Transport To Oblivion: The Decepticons try to build a space bridge to Cybertron. Cliffjumper tries to kick Megatron in the balls but fails. Megs is sucked into the space bridge.
5. Roll For It, Take Your Time: The Decepticons try to steal an antimatter formula from a professor who gives it to wheelchair-bound Chip Chase. Chip amazes everyone by RIPPING A FLOPPY DISK APART WITH HIS HANDS!!!!
6. Divide and Conquer: Prime nearly dies and Starscream gets shiny hands.
7. Fire in the Sky: Starscream and Megatron finds Skyfire, who considers anyone he talks to for two minutes his friend. And there is no fire in the sky.
8. SOS Dinobots: Hooray! New Toys! The Dinobots and build and go on a rampage. Grimlock zaps Teletraan I.
9. Fire on the Mountain: Megatron becomes an eunuch. Spike tries to make out with an Indian girl. There is no fire on a mountain.
10. War of the Dinobots: The Dinobots get angry because Prime ate their pudding.
11. The Ultimate Doom, Part 1: Megatron teams up with Dr. Arkeville, a crazy Nintendo nerd.
12. The Ultimate Doom, Part 2: Arkeville and Rumble start acting like James Bond villains. Megatron causes global warming.
13. The Ultimate Doom, Part 3: The Autobots do some surfing to stop a tidal wave. Arkeville becomes a Borg.
14. Countdown to Extinction: Starscream tries to become leader again. There are a lot of reference to 24.
15. A Plague of Insecticons: The Insections - Shrapnel, Bombshell, Kickback and Dennis Hopper - join the Decepticons.
16. Heavy Metal War: The Constructicons start a Heavy Metal Battle of the Bands. The Decepticons lose by diving into lava.
17. Autobot Spike: Spike becomes an Autobot and goes crazy.
18. Changing Gears: Gears tries to change his underwear, but he ends up becoming Megatron's slave. Team Rocket cameo try and steal a non-present Pikachu.
19. City of Steel: The Transformers take the fight to New York. Crocimus Prime makes a cameo and Optimus must fight Crazy Taxi drivers.
20. Attack of the Autobots: Megatron drugs some of the Autobots and turn them evil. Optimus Prime thinks he is Hassan and peforms karate chops on jets.
21. Traitor: Cliffjumper accuses Mirage of being a traitor but discovers he is gay.
22. The Immoblilizer: Wheeljack stupidly creates a device that can paralyze Transformers. Ironically, the Decepticons get their hands on it and fry Wheeljack. Ironhide becomes a love doctor and gets Spike and Carly together, Bumblebee invents Dance Dance Revolution, and Trailbreaker becomes a transexual.
23. The Autobot Run: The Autobots get involved in an episode of Wacky Races. Megatron and Dick Dastardly use a special device to freeze the Autobots in their vehicle forms. Hilarity follows.
24. Atlantis, Arise: The Decepticons discover Atlantis and its freaky fish people. They decide to attack Washington DC, but they get defeated again. In the process, Bumblebee takes on Grimlock in a football match and Megs becomes Abraham Lincoln. And there is fire...underwater.
25. Day of the Machines: Megatron and Soundwave are locked in a guitar case by Starscream.
26. Enter the Nightbird: An Asian scientist creates a ninjabot called Nightbird. Megatron falls in love with her and kidnaps her, owning the Autobots in the process. Starscream is thrown out of the Decepticons again. Nightbird is sent to kill the Autobots but ends up running away, going lightsabre on everyone. Cliffjumper discovers he can't jump up cliffs.
27. A Prime Problem: Prime meets the first of many of his illegitemate twins.
28. The Core: Starring Aaron Eckhart. The Decepticons try to blow up the centre of the Earth.
29. The Insecticon Syndrome: The Insecticons transform into Pokemon.
30. Dinobot Island, Part 1: The Dinobots, Powerglide, Bumblebee and Spike end up in Jurassic Park.
31. Dinobot Island, Part 2: Things get even weirder when Jack Sparrow shows up.
32. The Master Builders: Prime plays basketball.
33. Auto Berserk: Red Alert teams up with Starscream. Inferno is a nuisance.
34. Microbots: Bumblebee, Brawn and Perceptor get smaller than they already are.
35. Megatron's Master Plan, Part 1: Megatron turns mankind against the Autobots. One guy tries to kill Prime with vegetables.
36. Megatron's Master Plan, Part 2: Megatron becomes President of the USA.
37. Desertion of the Dinobots, Part 1: The Dinobots walk out on the Autobots during a contract dispute, and go beat up the Decepticons.
38. Desertion of the Dinobots, Part 2: The Dinobots continue their assault on the Decepticons, Spike and Carly getting involved.
39. Blaster Blues: Blaster stops the Decepticons from taking over Earth's airwaves to promote Baywatch.
40. A Decepticon Raider in King Arthur's Court: Starscream, Ravage, Rumble and Ramjet end up in Monty Python, and Warpath and Hoist face the Black Knight.
41. The Golden Lagoon: The Transformers all leap into a swimming pool filled with honey.
42. The God Gambit: The Decepticons fool a primitive human race into believing they are gods.
43. Make Tracks: The Autobots return to New York. Starscream shoplifts and a gangster named Raoul tries to kill Megatron with putty.
44. Child's Play: The Transformers make fun of themselves as they become toy-sized.
45. Quest for Survival: The Autobots must face an army of cloning Insecticons, sheep and Homer Simpson.
46. The Secret of Omega Supreme: His real name is Ralph, and he is enemies with the Constructicons.
47. The Gambler: The Autobots face a Batman villain.
48. Kremzeek: The Decepticons unleash the electrical abomination known as Kremzeek, really a drugged up Pikachu. The Autobots don't have a very good day.
49. Sea Change: Seaspray makes fun of The Little Mermaid.
50. Triple Takeover: Astrotrain and Blitzwing toss Megatron and Starscream into a dumpster and have a big party at a football game. They both get laid.
51. Prime Target: Lord Chumley (you couldn't find a cooler name than that) begins hunting down the Autobots, with help from Ebenezer Scrooge and Mr. Burns.
52. Auto-Bop: Soundwave and Blaster get into the ultimate DDR contest.
53. The Search for Alpha Trion: Optimus goes to Cybertron to rescue the first female Transformer character, and his girlfriend, Elita One. Alpha Trion also appears.
54. The Girl Who Loved Powerglide: Powerglide gets himself a girlfriend. The two have sex. But how can that happen when one is a robot and the other is a human!?
55. Hoist Goes Hollywood: The Autobots and Decepticons get to star in a film, but it is ruined by the continuous pestering of Michael Bay.
56. The Key to Vector Sigma, Part 1: Megatron creates the Stunticons with help from Evil Knievel.
57. The Key to Vector Sigma, Part 2: Alpha Trion dies to bring life to the Aerialbots.
58. Aerial Assault: The Aerialbots visit the Middle East. Cliffjumper commits suicide.
59. War Dawn: The greatest episode ever. The Aerialbots go back in time and meet Orion Pax, Optimus Prime's former self.
60. Trans-Europe Express: The Transformers get into another race, and there is no form of train in this episode.
61. Cosmic Rust: Megatron gets a cold.
62. Starscream's Brigade: Starscream creates the Combaticons to try and overthrow Megatron. He fails obviously.
63. The Revenge of Bruticus: Starscream and the Combaticons take over Cybertron and Shockwave is raped by Bruticus.
64. Masquerade: Prime, Jazz, Sideswipe, Mirage and Windcharger disguise themselves as the Stunticons to rape Megatron.
65. B.O.T.: This episode is so terrible and makes no sense that it is not worth describing.

[edit] Transformers the Movie

• Note: This part mentions Hot Rod, Wheelie and Daniel the Prat.
• Another Note: This film features the deaths of all your favourite characters.
• Another Blasted Note: This film also has a lot of Star Wars references.

After 65 episodes of glorious fun, the Hasbro idiots got drugged and decided to "up" the series. Killing off practically all of the G1 character, they replaced with a busload of new crappy and annoying characters. A stand-in for the Death Star, Unicron starts eating planets and kicking ass. The Transformers have been fighting eachother all the way into 2005 and they aren't even bored yet. Prime sends his best troops to Autobot City on Earth, but the Decepticons get the jump on them and kill the crew (Brawn, Prowl, Ratchet and Ironhide). The Decepticons launch a big laser attack on the city and kill everyone except all the new characters and the Dinobots. Optimus Prime arrives and battles Megatron..but then...but then...the most horrific and annoying Transformer arrives - HOT ROD!!! He leaps in Megatron's way and starts leaping about trying to get attention. Prime is shot and dies thanks to the asshole, and no one kills Hot Rod. Prime passes the Matrix of Leadership to Ultra Magnus.

Megatron, Skywarp, Thundercracker and the Insecticons are tossed out of Astrotrain by Starscream, and then anal raped by Unicron who reformats them into Galvatron, Scourge, Cyclonus (and his non-existent armada) and the Sweeps. Galvatron goes to Cybertron and kills Starscream with a barbeque. Unicron gets mad at Galvatron and sends him chasing the Autobots all over the galaxy. Ultra Magnus dies and is rebuilt by Wreck-Gar and the cast of Monty Python who dare to be stupid. Hot Rod and Kup get captured by the crazy Quichtessons and the Sharkticons, while the Dinobots meet the retardicon Wheelie. The Dinobots save Hot Rod and Kup and they all the Autobots go out to kill Unicron. Hot Rod and Galvatron fight in the bowels of Unicron's netheregions while Unicron zaps Cybertron, killing Shockwave and the Coneheads. Hot Rod gets ahold of the Matrix and greedily absorbs its power and becomes Rodimus Prime. He tosses poor Galvatron into space and blows up Unicron. He then declares himself the new dictator of Cybertron. Thankfully, the narrator explains that Optimus Prime will return. Thank Primus.

[edit] The Terrible Series

This series is not really worth mentioning as it is terrible, some might say horrendous and every other word an encyclopedia than goes under the term of "Bad". We have to who knows how many episodes watching Rodimus Prime strut around being a jerk and not knowing what it means to be a good leader, plus he often insults Optimus Prime. Kup becomes more senile with each episode. Arcee is useless. Daniel the Prat and Wheelie are extremely irritating until a maddened Ultra Magnus shoots them with a particle beam, ripping a hole in the universe, sucking the two idiots and several surviving characters into a black hole. Blurr is arrested for being on crack. Galvatron survived his ordeal with Rodimus, but is now deranged and likes shooting and assaulting his own troops, particularly Cyclonus, much to Soundwave's annoyance.

Starscream returns as a ghost, possessing other Decepticons and reviving Unicron briefly, but both are blown off again. Optimus Prime returns also, first as a possessed zombie, and then is revived again by Sky Lynx and a Quichtesson when Rodimus releases a jerk plague across the universe. Optimus locks Rodimus up in a prison cell and becomes leader of Cybertron. The universe rejoices. Japan created a sequel called The Headmasters where Daniel is a main characters and rapes Arcee's brains. Prime, Ultra Magnus, Galvatron, Devastator and Scorponok all "die" in the process. Soundwave walks off set. And so ends Generation One.

[edit] The Beast Era

Ten years or so after the Great War between the Autobots and Decepticons came to a close after Galvatron was hit by the Titanic and drowned, and Optimus Prime grew a beard and renamed himself Hagrid, the Pax Cybertronia was signed. The Pax Cybertronia was a treaty that ended the war, bringing peace to Cybertron at long last. To save on energy, free sex and global warming, the Transformers decided to replace their fantastically huge bodies to more smaller slimlined cheapass bodies. The Autobots became the Maximals and the Decepticons became the Paedocons. While the surviving Decepticons protested, most were drugged and forced through the process. Ravage, Laserbeak, Bonecrusher, the original Predacon team and others were among those who suffered this fate. However, the Maximals were treated with higher regards than the Paedocons, who lived in council estates in the deepest depths of Cybertron.

However, Megatron II, one of the several legal children of the original Megatron, despised the new laws and stole the legendary Golden Disk with a group of incompetent Paedocons. Fleeing Cybertron and crashlanding on prehistoric Earth, the Paedocons and a small group of Maximals, led by Optimus Primal (The munky, not the trukk), battled it out for the disk in what some have come to call the Animal Huffing War or to others, the Beast Wars. Desperate for new forms of sex, the two teams took animal skins for their alternate modes for new experiences. New and old characters appeared during the Beast Wars including Optimus Prime, Megatron, Starscream as a ghost, Unicron's head, and a host of other G1 stars who were drugged and placed in a remake of the Ark. Eventually the Beast Wars ended when Maximal Rhinox rammed an Autobot shuttle into Megatron's crotch and drove him off into space.

The surviving Maximals returned to Cybertron after having an orgy with the prehumans and Waspinator. To their horror, Megatron had survived the Beast Wars and had raped everyone on Cybertron, replacing them with the mindless drone Vehicondoms. The Maximals were given new techno-organic modes after being assaulted by the Oracle supercomputer, really a shell programme for the brain of Bill Gates. Optimus Primal led the rather dull war against Megatron, who changed his form more times than Doctor Who. Cheetor became a self-obsessed asshole, Rattrap became a wheelchair-bound whiner, and Blackarachnia became obsessed with making sexual advances on Jetstorm. These new personality flaws were not helped by the presence of Nightscream, a whiny, emo Batman ripoff, who also got a massive erection in Cheetor's presence. In the end, Optimus decided to do the most universal controversial thing ever. He pushed himself and Megatron into the core of Cybertron, reformatting the very planet into a techno-organic nightmare. The Beast Era ended when the Maximals gained fucked-up vehicle modes. This was going to be called Transtech, but nobody cared and Hasbro was stoned and besides, everyone hated Beast Machines. After seeing his concept art where they replaced his feet with giant wheels, Cheetor left the show for good, taking his catgirl wife with him. With no irritating "kid" personality to piss off the fandom (by this time, Nightscream had taken to heavy drinking and experimental cocaine use) Hasbro had to cancel the line. Horrified at what had become of his planet, Optimus Prime had everyone severely pollute Cybertron's atmosphere to remove the organics and return the planet to its original form. Primal wept in the Matrix while Megatron celebrated. Waspinator, who had become a miniature wasp, was trapped in a jar owned by Nightscream, for the rest of his life. Robots in Disguise followed afterwards, reviving Megatron II as a crazy Predacon with some odd transformations and Prime as a fire truck.

[edit] The Unicron Trilogy

As the new millennium began, the Transformers had a fall out with the Americans and all moved to Japan for a better future. There, they met the Japanese animators who suggested a new trilogy of shows. The Transformers agreed, not realising that the trilogy would ruin most of their careers and include annoying human characters, midget Transformers named Mini-Cons, and the search for the Cyber Planet Keys which opened a giant chest full of porn. The trilogy was made up of three parts - Transformers Armada ("Ow, that hurts!), Transformers Energon ("Why are you doing this to me?!"), and Transformers Cybertron ("Please let me die!").

Transformers Armada is often considered the best of the three, despite the fact it featured the annoying Mini-Cons, and the even more annoying Hot Shot, a street punk with a jAaM addiction and the desire to stick the Star Saber up Optimus Prime's ass. Starscream oddly had a developed role in the show, betraying a revived Megatron (a fusion of the first two) and ending up making out with the girl Alexis. Starscream sadly died during the final episodes, vapourised by the laser eyes of Unicron, who had been rebuilt for the trilogy. The entire fanbase wept for days. Megatron also bit the dust, three times during the trilogy. Optimus died too but was revived.

Transformers Energon had the surviving cast return in terrible cel-shaded bodies. The art of Powerlinking was introduced, where the Autobots touched each other up, while the Decepticons gained 'Hyper Modes' where they achieve multiple erections all over their body. Starscream returned to the show, having survived his death, but now he was a boring ass with no personality that quickly became a newly-revived Megatron's sex slave. Shockwave made his long awaited return to the show as Shockblast, since he was a wanted fugitive. It was here that he learnt that Sixshot was his brother, but when he goes exploring Unicron's nether-regions he gets crushed by the animated pubic hair. Hating this new series, Megatron, Starscream and Tidal Wave committed suicide by leaping into a sun, killing Unicron in the process.

Transformers Cybertron was the last of the trilogy. Cybertron was absorbed by the Giant Black Hole of Japan, so all the Transformers fled to Earth. Due to a worldwide collapse of money, the show was pretty terrible. Megatron and Starscream returned from the dead, and Soundwave appeared in the final episodes - until he, Starscream, and Sideways were blown into another world by Megatron for raping Thunderblast. In the end, the Transformers rebelled against Japan and returned to America where they were welcomed back with hugs and kisses...and by a man named Michael Bay.

[edit] Characters

The Unicron Trilogy had a large cast of characters in its series. Most were criminals, escaped patients from asylums or were just there for the money. Half vanished by the end of the series with a surprisingly large number of deaths.

The Autobots started with only three members but by Cybertron, there were about five hundred members. The Armada team consisted of Optimus Prime who was working as a fireman in New York; JAam obessessed whiner Hot Shot who wanted too seriously shove the Star Saber up Prime's rear; British medic Red Alert who turned out to be Tony Blair hoping to become Primeminister of Cybertron; Smokescreen, a wacky guy who wore a paper bag on his head. He was killed by Megatron when he dropped a bucket of acid on his head. He was rebuilt as Hoist, and now wore a bucket on his head; angry drill sergeant Scavenger who briefly posed as a Decepticon before joining the Autobots to beat up Hot Shot; Blurr, who had turned from a speed addict to a boring nobody; heroic Jetfire, who later migrates to Australia; hyperactive and mentally dead Sideswipe who becomes Hot Shot's whipping boy; and Overload, a mindless battle platform wishing to die.

Energon saw the introduction of a lot new characters, including young juvenile Ironhide who saw both Prime and Hot Shot as his idols (what was he thinking?); bumbling fire-obsessed Inferno who killed himself by leaping into a sun but then returned as the naive Roadblock; Rodimus made his return to the fold as a big-chinned fascist who flagged anime videos on YouTube; Wing Saber, a crazed flyboy seeking revenge after his lover Padlock was crushed by a McDonalds sign, hoping to kill Shockblast and Ronald McDonald; and Omnicons, gassbagging miners who looked for Energon - workaholic Skyblast, miserable Strongarm and berserk Signal Flare.

Cybertron had the biggest number of new additions. Newcomers include senile veteran Landmine; garbage-eater Overhaul who becomes Leobreaker through the power of Greyskull; worrywart and former phone salesman Scattorshot; time-travelling moron Vector Prime and his trio of Minicons pals, annoying Jolt, speechless Six-Speed, and environmentalist Reverb; Evac, a secretive heroic guy who lives inside a dumpster; vampire hunting Crosswise; speed freak and leader of Velocitron Override; immature and brattish Clocker; daredevil Brakedown who likes leaping from high buildings; Backstop, a rhinoceros with little brains; Snarl, a vicious wolf who has issues with a frog that lives in his throat; big daddy of Gigantion, Metroplex; geeky Quickmix; and Signal Lancer who took on the form of a retarded traffic light.

The Decepticons team did not grow much at all and was made up of a bunch of idiots, psychopaths and criminals. Megatron led the group, a combination of the first two Megatrons. Starscream, a whiney attention-seeking renegade betrayed Megatron to join the Autobots, making love with Alexis, before returning to Megatron to be vapourised by eye lasers fired from the Bat Fuck Insane infobox. Other Decepticons included gorilla-like loyalist Demolishor; insane pedophile Cyclonus; skanky greedy scientist Thrust who actually worked for Unicron, but was killed by his master when his crankshaft is chopped off; former Autobot emo Wheeljack, who was apparently abandoned by Hot Shot (a fact that was proven true); and big, dumb and strong Tidal Wave. The Decepticons got very few extras in Energon. Megatron and Starscream returned. Demolishor found himself not knowing who he was, dying to save Megatron and then returning as King Kong; Cyclonus became Snowcat, a professional yodeler, skiier, and kitten huffer; and Tidal Wave became Mirage, a thieving and hateful speedster. New additions included Shockwave, as Shockblast, to hide his identity from policemen, and his brother Sixshot. Both died viciously, Shockblast at the hands of Unicron's netheregions, and Sixshot was pushed off a cliff. Scorpnok, a Terrorcon, was shanghaied into service. Scorponok worked for Alpha Q, a four-faced alien with his tensticles exposed. Both died of problems on the toilet.

Cybertron saw a larger cast of Decepticons. Megatron and Starscream returned after they attempted to commit suicide by leaping into a sun. Newcomers were whimpish Thundercracker; Frenchbot Mudflap who actually dispised his country; roadhog Dirt Boss; The Chuckle Brothers, who became criminals and renamed themselves Ransack and Crumplezone; dragon-like leader of the Jungle Planet, Scourge; shifty Undermine; rock-headed Brimstone; hot femme fatale Thundercracker; beatnik Lugnutz; useless Menasor; and Nemesis Breaker, a clone of Leobreaker, minus the cool colours.

The human assistants consisted of annoying narrator Rad, his homie Carlos who wets himself whenever something dramatic happens, and hot politician Alexis who has a one night stand with Starscream. She later goes on to become the Secretary of Defence. They were assisted by Laserbeak, a rip-off of the original. Energon introduced Kicker, a guy with too many problems. He went suicidal during the last episodes of Energon. Cybertron saw the introduction of Cory, a technogeek, his little brother Bud, and hot but creepy Lori.

The Minicons are of no importance, other than just standing around and beeping. Sideways, a double agent for Unicron, tricks all the characters multiple times, before eventually getting killed by Megatron and Optimus for being a douchebag. He later returns as a twisted politician hoping to rule the universe. Soundwave also appeared as an ally to Sideways, although he disliked this due to his loyalty to Megatron. Unicron also appeared, as did Primus.

[edit] Transformers The 2007 Movie

Spoiler Warning. The Bad Guy Dies

Seeing the chance to make an enormous amount of money in wake of the fact that none of the other summer movies were any good, Dreamworks SKG under the guise of Michael Bay and Steven Spielberg released a documentary of this interstellar event, called Transformers. The film was directed by God himself and made the toy line look even worse than before. Although the movie was leaked to the internet two months before it was to be shown to an uptight crowd in 2007 Cannes Film Festival, it still sucked much less than Spider-Man 3. Unfortunately, the transformers movies took a lot of shine off the other movies going on at the time, so they banded together as a force know as the Decepticons, and overthrew Optimus Prime, Gyro Robo and the rest of the autobots, transformed them into whirlpool washers and tricycles, and then killed them and sold the bodies across North America via the Home Depot.

Critics of the film are mostly yo mama's fans of the old Transformers "anime" series who complains that the transformers don't even remotely resemble what was in the anime, and too close to real life. Their biggest letdown was that Optimus Prime - "Optimus" meaning "unbelievably" and "Prime" meaning "glorious" - looks like a big pile of spare parts in the leftover bin at RadioShack. "It was like watching Robocop while I was supposed to be watching the original 'Transformers' animation," noted notable whining childish film spoiler Harry Knowles XVII.

[edit] Plot Synopsis

Megatron, now with the personality of Agent Smith, starts a pointless war on Cybertron to get his hands on the world's Biggest Rubix Cube, also known as the Allspark. Everyone on Cybertron is mostly killed, so Optimus launches the Allspark into space using a giant catapult, which Megatron pursues. Megatron crashlanded on Earth where he succumbed to frostbite and froze, cursing global warming not being present as he froze. Millions of years on, some random dude named Captain Archibald Wikipedia - the ancestor of Uncyclopedia and Wikipedia - led an expedition to the Arctic to find some nice naked eskimo ladies, but instead came across Megatron frozen. Megs scanned a map to the Allspark in the captain's glasses and blinded him. Good thing he wasn't wearing contact lenses.

Many years after that, Sam Wikipedia, one of the cousins of Wikipedia, bought his first car at Bernie Mac's crappy car dealership - a Chevrolet Camaro that looked like it had been caught in the explosion of the Death Star. This was actually Bumblebee, who was offered $50,000,000 if he did the film. He was not to pleased with the choice of vehicle, but it was later upgraded into a new Camaro. Bumblebee protects Sam from his cheapass father, and helps him rape his love interest, Mikaela (Megan Fox McCloud). Meanwhile, GI Joe rejects, Captain Lennox, Epps, Fig, Donnelly and others are attacked by newcomer Blackout who tries to download an airbase's Broadband without paying for it, but he is disrupted. Ticked off, Blackout blames Lennox and his team and has Scorponok chase them across the desert. Raped, molested, assaulted and reprogrammed into a drone, Scorponok has fun blowing up a small village on Qatar but is bombarded with Bay-haters and abandons his film career.

Gollum-wannabe Frenzy sneaks onboard Air Force One to try and get Broadband for Blackout, but he too is cut off by Australian Maggie Madsen at the Pentagon. He takes his anger out on several guards before escaping to his partner, Barricade. Barricade is actually Prowl, who had a change of heart after watching all the Die Hard films. The two chase Sam, Mikaela and Bumblebee upon learning they have the map to the Allspark. Frenzy tries to rape Sam by ripping his pants, but he is sawed in half by Mikaela when he flashes her. Bumblebee takes Sam and Mikaela to see the Autobots - consisting of a swearing Jazz, Clint Eastwood wannabe Ironhide, a green version of Ratchet, and Optimus Prime himself. Prime explains they must find the Allspark before the Decepticons, otherwise they will use it to destroy Uncyclopedia and enslave Wikiland.

http://images2.wikia.nocookie.net/uncyclopedia/images/e/e2/Spark_plug-l.jpg : The Allspark

The heroes go to Sam's house where a group of Men In Black rejects named Sector Seven arrive and they all have a massive orgy in Sam's room where Mikaela masterbates with him. The Autobots watch intruiged outside Sam's windows. Sector Seven capture Bumblebee, Sam and Mikaela and take them to Hoover Dam where Megatron is used as a giant paperweight. Frenzy sneaks in and finds the Allspark, alerting the other Decepticons - Starscream, Barricade, Bonecrusher, Blackout and Brawl(who thinks he is Devastator). Bumblebee, Sam, Mikaela and the GI Joe rejects make off with the Allspark - both Autobots and Decepticons in pursuit. Bonecrusher transforms on a freeway, blowing up a bus whilst listening to Highway to Hell. He attempts to rape Optimus but gets decapitated for it. Frenzy rapes himself and dies, to which scene the fat sweaty geeky virgin Glen wanks off to and dies upon ejaculation, subsequently satisfying his lewd sickening robot fantasies and fufilling the film staple '1 black must die' law. Bumblebee finds the Allspark, and then solves the world's largest rubik's cube so i just so happens to be the right size to be carried. handy.

In a random city, Starscream painfully amputates Bumblebee's legs, but the yellow robot still fights back by blowing up Brawl. Lennox and his men kill Blackout for stealing their Broadband, but not before painstakingly shooting a missile up his groin. Megatron enters the fray after being freed from his slumber and after quoting so much from the Matrix series, kills Jazz by ripping his netheregions in two. Megatron tries to rape Sam, but he instead gets the Allspark shoved up his ass. Megatron then dies of a heart attack. The surviving Autobots decide to remain on Earth where we see the Autobots perving on Sam and Mikaela as they get it on. I mean seriously can't they get a room. In the meantime Starscream legs it out of Earth's atmosphere. Barricade mysteriously vanished during filming, and he is being hunted down by the FBI for breach of contract with Michael Bay.

[edit] Synopsis for people with ADHD

There are these giant evil robots and these giant good robots. The giant evil robots try to destroy the Earth but the giant good robots want to stop the giant evil robots from destroying the earth (why either group cares about the Earth is irrelevant). The good robots fail, and then the U.S. Army and two horny teenagers have to take over and fix the fucked up mess that was the giant good robots' attempt to save the world. Then they save the world, proving that the human race is better than two massive giant robot armies at getting things done. The End.

[edit] Cast

Shia LaBeouf as Sam Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia: The cousin of Wikipedia and Uncyclopedia, Sam Wikipedia spends half the movie looking about like an idiot and saying "No, no, no!" over and over again. He tries to make out with Mikaela in the back of Bumblebee, but fails, instead getting chased by Barricade and assaulted by Frenzy. Optimus Prime then drops a bombshell (literally) on him, telling him he must find some Specsavers glasses in order to save the univere. Sam is entrusted with the world's biggest Rubix Cube, but he decides to shove it up Megatron's ass, because he is too lazy. He successfully makes out with Mikaela when Bumblebee ditches his crappy Camaro form for a shiny new model that hasn't been released yet.

Megan Fox as Mikaela Bates: A girl who is only in the film to make horny fanboys go nuts. Sam tries to molest her multiple times but fails due to the arrival of other characters. The only thing she actually does in the film is drive a tow truck backwards to help Bumblebee take down Brawl/Devastator/Tank Thing. Mikaela eventually is molested by Sam when she is distracted by Bumblebee's swank new car form. But guess what. Megan Fox's a guy

Optimus Prime as Optimus Hot Wheels (look at his design): Leader of the Autonomous Robotic Orgasms from the planet Cybertron. Prime has died so many times now, that he is practically willing to take his own life to get more money. He gained himself a new longnosed truck complete with flames - why? Because Michael Bay thought it looked bad assed. Prime, despite being an awesome fighter, does very little fighting. He decapitates Bonecrusher, rips the roof off a car, demolishes Sam's backyard and briefly wrestles with Megatron. By the end of the film, Prime is so lost in the bad plot that he completely forgets to mourn the loss of Jazz.

Evil Emoticon as Hugo Weaving: Agent Smith survived the Matrix series and briefly took over the body of Megatron. Becoming obsessed with the universe's biggest Rubix Cube, Megatron wages another pointless war on Cybertron until the cube is catapulted into space. Megs follows it to Earth where he crashlands in the Arctic and freezes over after encountering the Ice Pixie. He is found by Captain Archibald Wikipedia many years later and then sent to Hoover Dam to become the godfather of Earth's technology. He is later released from the dam and goes on another pointless rampage, now giving an ass rat's about Starscream. He kills Jazz, blows up a building and despite the fact he wants the cube, nearly destroys it multiple times. He tries to rape Sam only to have the cube shoved up his ass. He dies of a heart attack and he is cremated by being dumped in the sea.

Josh Duhamel and Tyrese Gibson as G.I. Joe Rejects: Captain Willy Lennox and his black homie Epps are stationed at the SOCKETINYOURMOUTH operations base in Qatar when Blackout attacks in an attempt to illegally download Broadband. The two escape with their buddies Figero and Oblivious Guy, but are chased across the desert by Scorponok. Oblivious Guy is killed when a sharp piece of grass impales him and Figero dies off screen due to speaking too much Spanish. The two later meet up with the rest of the cast to fight the Decepticons in a random city somewhere. Lennox helps to kill Blackout, and then dashes home to his weird wife and child. Epps visits occasionally to have his left cheek touched up by Lennox.

Sam's Car Radio as Bumblebee: Bumblebee has been through a rather traumatising experience during the film. During the war on Cybertron, Megs ripped out his voice box, rendering him mute. Bumblebee travelled to Earth to hunt down the Rubix Cube, instead becoming the "guardian" of Sam Wikipedia. Bumblebee, however, is used as a sex toy by Sam so he can molest Mikaela. Bumblebee eventually is kidnapped by Sector 7, sedated, freed, his legs blown off by Starscream, strapped to the back of a tow truck, assisted in killing Brawl but never getting any thanks, and then got his voice back to find out his new one is that of a British duke. His final insult was to be used as a table while Sam and Mikaela made out on his hood.

Michael Ironside as Ironhide: Ironhide spends his time in the film quoting from Clint Eastwood films, throwing his guns around and threating to terminate everyone smaller than he is. He eventually is scolded by Prime, causing Ironhide to go into a depressed state for the rest of the film. Ironhide does some nice Matrix-styled moves in the final battle after eating a can of super baked beans. Despite the fact he keeps firing his guns about, he never actually kills anyone.

Darius McCrary as Jazz: The only black Autobot in history, Jazz is the best character in the film. Short in size, but cool and stylish, Jazz kicks ass and owns everyone better than Ironhide. He cares deeply for Bumblebee in the film, ignoring Prime's apparent warnings of never harming humans. Ironically, Jazz only participates in one fight scene against Brawl and it is a complete rip-off of Kup's move in the original animated film. Jazz is then beaten by Megatron, severely owned and then ripped in two. Prime doesn't mourn his death.

Robert Foxworth as Dr. Ratchet: The medical officer, chief science officer, and spanking officer, Ratchet like most of the cast has no role in the film other than visual awesomeness. He takes the form of an emergency rescue vehicle that doesn't exist. He has very good perception skills, capable of realising Sam "wants to mate with the female". He loses his brain when he runs into a telephone pole and is electrocuted. Ratchet spends the rest of the film talking nonsense and generally not helping out at all. His only fight involves him cutting off Brawl's arm.

Charles Adler as The Jet Guy With Two Lines AKA Starscream: Starscream has another useless role. Spending half the film asleep, he mobilizes the Decepticons when Frenzy finds the Rubix Cube. Mutated into a mutant human-plane-birdman, Starscream is reduced to just too lines, and even then he is still criticized by Megatron, this time for his terrible design. Starscream eventually flees the set after he gets into a dogfight with other jets. He was found hiding in Marvin the Martian's hideout on Mars and signs a contract to appear in the next two films to be a primary villain.

Frenzy as The Guy Who Was Going To Be Soundwave: A 4-foot tall, skittering little spaz, Frenzy replaced Soundwave in the film, even stealing his CD Player mode. Frenzy speaks gobbityguk and swears a lot, spending most of his time assaulting Autobots and taking drugs. Frenzy smuggles himself aboard Air Force One, the President's private plane to illegally download Broadband after Blackout failed to do so. He succeeds, killing several FBI agents in the process. Frenzy becomes attracted to Sam upon visiting his E-Bay site. Attacking Sam and Mikaela, Frenzy rips Sam's pants off and attempts to rape him until Mikaela performs surgery on him with a powersaw. Frenzy's head is then booted into Mikaela's handbag where he steals her phone. Frenzy has an encounter with a horrible aquatic monster briefly, before locating the Rubix Cube and gaining a new body. He attacks the geeks in a hallway but his crazy flying discs go AWOL and kill him. Soundwave wept for days, having already lost Ravage.

Blackout as The Guy Who Was Also Going To Be Soundwave: A newcomer to the world, Blackout was the second replacement for Soundwave. Blackout and his pet Scorponok attacked some random base in Qatar to download Broadband, but Blackout ended up having some much in destroying things he didn't really care. Blackout then returned to fight the Autobots in some random city, although his role was pointless. All he was cause random destruction and eventually got gutted by Captain Lennox doing an Evil Knivel stunt on a motorcycle. Poor fella.

Brawl as Devastator: The big, bad, green, dumb, tank thing with an identity crisis. There not really all that much to say about him, other than he hardly gets to kick ass due to the questioning of his name. Ironhide, Jazz, Ratchet, Bumblebee and military goons all attack him, Bumblebee killing him by striking him with a missile that had a nametag attached. When the tag was observed, the Autobots discover he is named Betty.

Bonecrusher as Mr. Hate: Bonecrusher is worse than Simon Cowell. He hates everyone and everything and the universe. He hates existence. However, despite he hates everything, Bonecrusher seriously kicks ass. He rips up the highway, flips cars around, blows up a bus full of nuns and football tackles Optimus Prime, battling down a multiplatformed junction. But his shortlived awesomeness is cut short when Optimus blows his head off with a giant finger nail.

Scorponok as Scorponok IV: Scorponok has no role in the film, other than to attack the military chumps in the desert while he actually wanted hugs from everyone. He walked off set after discovering he was not getting paid.

Prowl as Barricade: The cousin of the Terminator, as Prowl discovered, he became the evil teenager chasing bad cop Barricade. And don't bother asking for the good cop, he killed him! Barricade and Frenzy stalk Sam until Bumblebee brawls Barricade in an unseen fight. He later drove off set to chase down John Connors.

[edit] Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen

Due to the financial success of the first film (the 2007 film), Bay and his posse decided to make a second film, twice as loud and annoying. The writers, joined by Freddy Krueger, decided to contact the Original 13 Transformers, the original Japanese toys created in the 1400s. They managed to employ seven of them and the Fallen, the secret lovechild of Makuta from Bionicle, an Alien and Darth Sidious, who acts as the main villain of the film. Completely rewarping the mythos of the Transformers' origins, the writers thought they made up a good story idea and then randomly called popular Transformers via a lottery and added them into the cast list, ultimately having a cast of about eight humans and 300 Transformers onscreen all at once. The film was delayed by the Writer's Meteor Strike in 2007 and 2008, driving Bay to madness and he locked the writers in hotel rooms for two months. Bay also further messed up the "comedy" with everyone humping eachother and Sam's mother getting stoned. Charming.

Newcomers to the film were mostly veterans, including Arcee and her unknown sisters Chromia and Moonracer (her name was never revealed so we have to call her something!), Jetfire who has become old and senile, Sideswipe, the Constructicons and good old Soundwave and Ravage's brother, Savage. Newcomers to Transformers as a whole included a new version of Wheelie, a deranged horny robot from Brookyln, invisible man Jolt, and the Twins, Skids and Mudflap, who were considered evil and racist by about two people. Megatron was also revived for the one hundrenth time in a row. Optimus, Bumblebee, Ratchet, Ironhide, Starscream and Scorponok returned but Barricade went missing. There were plenty of canon fodder again including Grindor, Demolishor, Sideways and The Doctor.

It also welcome the newcomer, Optimist Prime, who believes that everything will always be all right, even when he gets the crap beaten out of him by a very angry weasel. This is the best movie of the fucking year 2009!

[edit] New Characters

• Leo Spit: Sam's roommate at college. He lives up to his name and spits a lot, and is a bit camp. He is played by Ricky Ricardo. Apparently, he spat so much in one take that it took two hours to clean up the waterpool he had left behind.
• Alice: Not the cool blade-wielding Alice from Wonderland, but another dumb blonde who is really a Decepticon Pretender (as in a Decepticon who pretends to be something else). She gets cranky. Portrayed by Isabel Lucas, who takes on the role of "Hot Australian Blonde" which Rachael Taylor played in the previous film.
• Graham: A British SAS guy, his last name is unknown. He may possibly have an affair with Captain Lennox.
• Optimist Prime: Prime's cousin who is forever looking on the bright side of life, like Eric Idle. He is forever happy, in a strange sort of way. He often stands in for Optimus during fights so he can be beaten to death.
• Arcee: The only female Transformer returns to the big screen...as three separate robots, meaning triple the fun for the men. She transforms into three motorcycles each ridden by a reject from America's Top Model. Arcee was cloned to gain two extra bodies, although she wasn't too thrilled with the idea of there being more than one of her, that was until Hot Rod introduced her to her redecos.
• Sideswipe as Stabby Mcwheelfeet: Sideswipe was in retirement when he was approached by Bay to appear in the sequel. Sideswipe jumped to the chance, but soon realised Sunstreaker would not join him after remembering he has committed suicide after getting a scratch. He was given a new body with giant knives attached to his arms.
• The Twins - Skids & Mudflap or Spongebob & Patrick: Two virtually unknown Autobots, Skids and Mudflap were minor soldiers. Skids was a former Decepticon in the G1 cartoon but swapped sides after the show started getting rubbish. Mudflap, originally a French Autobot-Decepticon in the Unicron Trilogy, discovered Skids was his twin brother. They got together and were later asked by Bay to join the cast. Their vehicles modes - an ice cream truck, although they later will gain two snazzy looking cars. Later, in Egypt, Mudflap and Skids almost got fucked-up by Devastator.
• Jolt: An unexpected member to the cast. Jolt was pushed into filmmaking by General Morons, a car company. To Jolt's dismay, he is only in the film to promote General Motor's new car, the Chevrolet Volt, made out of the bodies of dead Pikachu.
• Jetfire: Jetfire is currently 9,107,625 years old and was asked to come back for the film. Now a grumpy old bot believing he is a Decepticon, Jetfire is given a walking stick and a nice jet mode. Too bad he doesn't know who he is.
• Devastator: Looks just like the G1 Devastator... on steroids. Seriously this is one big mean motherfucker!

[edit] Transformers Animated

After having beast modes, living with Mini-Cons and starring in a B-Movie, the Transformers cast were finally offered a new show that lived up to the standards of G1 - Transformers Animated. Many familar faces flocked to sign up to appear in it. In the end, the series began airing at the end of 2007 and now continues throughout the new year. The cast all got the "Cartoon Network treatment", going to a plastic surgeons for several months and getting remodeled. A lot of the cast wound up with rather large chins, especially Starscream.

[edit] Autobots

• Optimus Prime: The main character, as usual. Prime was a good 70 years old when he was approached with the role. He agreed to do the role, but realised he would need to regain his youth again. So, he raced Jack Sparrow to the Fountain of Youth where he returned to his 20's. Now voiced by David Kaye, Prime is surprisingly no longer the leader of the Autobots, and is reduced to a commander of a small team of misfit space junkies who fix spacebridges for fun. He transforms into a fire truck and wields a bigass ax which he uses more as a boomerang than a chopping weapon. He often gives arousing speeches similar to those of Robo-Hitler. He suffered his first death of the series in the third episode, which was technically three episodes in one, only to be resurrected seventy five seconds later. That's a new Optimus death record.
• Bumblebee: After his humiliating role in the live action movie, Bumblebee was given his original G1 body with a couple of adjustments. He became a spunky, speedy but rather arrogant street punk who is much better than Hot Rod anyday. He is proud of his speedy abilities but he has quite an ego. He favourite lover is Sari Sumdac, a girl who wears a bad combination of sandals and socks, although he sometimes cheats on her with Prowl.
• Bulkhead: A big, green friendly giant, and Bumblebee's roommate. At Autobutt Camp, the two spent their time accusing Autobots of being Decepticon spies, which happened to Waspinator. Bulkhead is rather clumsy and breaks stuff a lot, but it is because he drinks a lot of oil and caffeine. He became close friends with Sari, trying to kill Soundwave. He is one of the many characters who wants Blackarachnia. And, in a massive breach of logic, he happens to be the greatest space bridge engineer in the galaxy, proving that clumsy farmboys can trump traditional super-nerds any day (Perceptor and Wheeljack were quite pissed).
• Prowl: Due to the disappearance of the original Prowl, Alfred Pennyworth was hired to portray Prowl as a dull ninja bikerbot. He is fascinated by nature and spends most of his time watching the Discovery Channel, especially Swamp Loggers. He was originally named RoboMiagi but had to change it because Optimus coulnd't shout it dramatically. He is also a fan of Batman due to the way he moves and acts. He is easily annoyed by the incompetence of Bumblebee and Bulkhead.He looks fuckin sweet in samurai armour!
• Ratchet: The old man of the group and medical officer. Ratchet fought in the war on Cybertron as a medic, accidentally erasing Arcee's memory which he has since regretted to this day. Now he has a gut, a bad case of magnetism and bad manners, and often rants about kids these days and their rocket-powered axes, and their speed boosters and their vague G1 reference, etc. He finds a lot of things primitive and barbaric.
• Ultra Magnus: Leader of the Autobots. After Optimus went off to look for the Fountain of Youth, Ultra Magnus, who grown old himself, took command of Cybertron. He may be old but has the greatest hammer in the history of hammers, capable of shooting out lightning bolts and blowing stuff up. Hopefully he won't die as Autobot leaders have a tendency to do that.
• Sentinel Prime: The biggest asshole in the universe. It's hard to say what's bigger: his chin or his ego. Sentinel used to be old friends with Optimus until Elita One "died", an act that was actually caused by Sentinel, not Optimus. Sentinel thinks very little of humans and other Autobots for that matter, even considering Ultra Magnus to be obsolete. However, he is funny, particularly when his body is stolen by the Headmaster. Optimus' response: "HAW-HAW!"
• Jazz: Jazz did not die in the film. He was revived in his G1 form, back to rock the world. He is part of the Cybertron Elite Guard and is fascinated by Earth's culture and objects, particularly traffic lights. He fights with nunchucks - he's just that awesome!
• Grimlock: After spending a good twenty years in hibernation, Grimlock made his triumphant return. He is still as dumb as ever but the hibernation made him rather primitive. Grimlock likes stomping around a lot and can produce a fire sword in robot mode.
• Slag: Slag/Snarl returned alongside Grimlock, although he doesn't say anything due to being frightened by a crazed fan. His name was changed to Snarl because his old one was apparently offencive to Brits.
• Swoop: The third Dinobot to return. He doesn't speak either.
• Arcee: A pink female Autobot. She appears in a flashback with Ratchet, chased by Lockdown to rape her only for her to be blasted by Ratchet's EMP cannon and her memory wiped. She now lives in a recovery home under the name of Sally.
• Cardboardus Prime: The most powerful Transformer in show and leader of the whole Cybertronian army.

[edit] Decepticons

• Megatron: After his stint in the movie, Megatron was rebooted with a British accent. Unfortunately, he hitchhiked and caught a ride with the Autobots, who subsequently threw him out of the ship where he was seriously messed up on reentry. His severed head was found by Isaac Sumdac, who originally used it as a house, then built a corporate empire with it. Fifty years later, Megatron woke up and found he had lost his body. He spent the season getting it back, finally succeeding when the rest of the Decepticons got their act together. Currently, he and the Decepticons are trying to build a bridge between Earth and Cybertron. An actual bridge. This may take a while...well, it did until they gave up and built a space bridge instead. However, Megatron was sucked through it along with Starbob's head and they'll probably run into Unicron.
• Starbob Screampants (aka, Starscream): He's READY! to become the leader of the Decepticons. Same old song and dance. As usual, no one takes him seriously anymore. He was responsible for Megatron's decapitation and exile on Earth. When Megatron got his body back, he proceeded to mess Starscream up, finally killing him. Apparently, all those years of betrayal finally pushed Megs over the edge. On the third episode of the second season, Starscream rose again. Lonely and depressed, he made a clone army after watching Star Wars. They're currently on tour, doing circus acts for oil. However, the tour was put on hiatus when Starscream and his clones (named Patrick, Squidward, Sandy, Mr. Krabs and Plankton) attacked Megatron and were all zapped by Omega Supreme.
• Blackarachnia: Originally Elita One, she got left behind by Optimus and Sentinel on forbidden mission to smuggle high grade energon to their friends at the Academy. Apparently, the buddy system doesn't work with the Autobots. Subsequently depressed, she met a spider who altered her into a half-robotic, half-organic spider and stole her ability to switch forms, virginity, and pocket change. Blackarachnia went a little bonkers after that.
• Blitzwing: Blitzwing is Sybil Dorsett if she was a robot. And a man. And German. Okay, there are lots of differences, but you get the idea. He has three personalities: a icy strategist who once worked for the Luftwaffe, a hotheaded bodybuilder who drives a tank, and a random psychopath who likes to "dance und sing". His icy personality holds a doctorate in military history and strategy, and his random personality knows every song and dance known to man. His hothead personality kills anyone who tries to gauge his intelligence. Of all the personalities, hothead fails the most at life. Blitzwing went through quite a bit to end up as his present self. Alienated from the Decepticons all the way back in the original show, Blitzwing survived the war on Cybertron but went extremely unstable. Crashlanding on Earth, Blitzwing ended up flying through a tear in the fabric of time and landed in Nazi Germany where he was tortured by a bunch of goons, causing him to develop a split personality, the hothead created from DNA of Arnold Swartzenegger. Blitzwing told Hitler he was going to lose the war, prompting the man to kill himself. Blitzwing then left Germany and returned to Cybertron and voila, he is in Animated. He got the icy head from the DNA of Freddie Benson.
• Lugnut: This guy is totally devoted to Megatron. Like, man-crush devoted. After Megatron disappeared, Lugnut dragged Blitzwing around looking for the boss, as he still thought Megatron was alive. Arriving on Earth, he went bad cop on some construction vehicles until Megatron contacted him. Everyone thought he was crazy until they learned Megatron was alive. Do not give him a high five, as his hands can turn into bombs. One must wonder how he eats.
• Soundwave: Pissed that he had been cut from the movie, Soundwave demanded a spot on Transformers Animated. When he found out that he was to be a child's play thing, glorious comrade Soundwave became enraged with the way robots were mistreated by humans. He founded the Communist wing of the Decepticon army, aimed at starting the Robot Revolution, soon to be followed by the Dance Dance Revolution.
• Shockwave: Similarly pissed that he was cut from the movie, shockwave also demanded a role in Animated. This time, he's he's Megatron's inside man on Cybertron, but instead of a wicked laser hand, he stretches himself like Mr. Fantastic. Yeah, that's a fair trade. He's been undercover so long, he probably forgot which side he was originally on. Despite not having a face, he still has a noticeable chin.
• Lockdown: He's a D.I.N.O. (Decepticon in name only) who works as a bounty hunter. Think Lobo and Boba Fett, but as a robot. He likes to swipe personal effects off people he brings in, adding them to his collection. Nothing ghoulish about that at all.
• Swindle: This guy would sell anything, even his own mom-bot...but he already did that.
• Scrapper: Ass-exposing construction worker #1; known for his lust for red sports cars and oil, which he shares with Mixmaster. He's quite indecisive, and often has to be told to "grow a backhoe". Did we mention he loves oil?
• Mixmaster: Ass-exposing construction worker #2. Even more obsessed with oil than Scrapper, and prefers to be called "Mix". His loves are many; cement, red sports cars, oil, general debauchery, oil, building stuff, oil... oh, and oil. Both he and his fellow Constructicon have been blacklisted by the US government, OPEC, and Greenpeace, for obvious reasons.
• Wasp: After almost a decade of being trapped in Nightscream's jar, Waspinator managed to escape (Nightscream was in rehab by this point) and fled to the Cartoon Network headquarters, desperately trying to restart his life. CN agreed to give him a part on the show, and after heavy plastic surgery, deep therapy, and a name change, Wasp was sent to Autobot boot camp. However, Bumblebee suspected he was a spy and sent him to jail, which drove Wasp insane again. He is currently on an asteroid being crazy.

[edit] Humans

• Sari Sumdac: Trademark annoying young human girl who lived with her father, Isaac Sumdac, yet was never allowed to leave her penthouse home and got her education from robots. Strangely, she is not a shut-in. Apart from suffering from a severe case of ADHD, Sari also has a magic key from the AllSpark, the thing which created the Transformers. The Key can heal Transformers, give life to machines, slice and dice, and glow real purdy. When the Autobots reached Detroit, she quickly befriended Bumblebee and Bulkhead. After her father went MIA, she was forced to move in with them after some schmuck with pink glasses threw her out of her house. It was recently revealed that she might be a robot. Or a cyborg. Whatever, it's all okay.
• Isaac Sumdac: Isaac Sumdac is the Bill Gates of Tomorrow. Seriously, he's so rich he doesn't even know how much stuff he owns. Isaac found Megatron's severed head in a field. At first, he used it as a house. Then, he used it to reverse engineer commercial robots. He thought that Megatron was an Autobot, and used his severed hand as a chair (bearings of steel on that one). He was kidnapped by Megatron, and forced to help them build their bridge to Cybertron. He was freed by the Autobots, but now has to tell everyone why Sari's arm is mechanical. Personally, he'd rather be with the Decepticons
• Captain Fanzone: Head of the Detroit Police Department, this guy could teach Bonecrusher a thing or two about hatred. He hates machines, lawyers, kids, his mother-in-law, businessmen, and probably Detroit itself. Thats right, folks, Captain Fanzone, hater extraordinaire, is responsible for making sure you and your children are safe at night. Nothing worrisome about that.

[edit] Graphical Analysis

http://images4.wikia.nocookie.net/uncyclopedia/images/1/1f/Funny-graphs-transformers.jpg

[edit] What do they look like?

Mr Potato head covered in metal shavings, the reason the die is because the auto bots probably eats them for tea. This gives them goodsources of fibre and metal nutrients.

[edit] See also

• Autobots
• Decepticons
• Female Autobots
• Optijesus Prime
• Beast Wars