Travis Barker was a founding member of Blink 182. Despite his lack of talent, possible insanity and bizarre relationship with his imaginary unicorn, Barker achived a mediocre career in one of the many forgetable boy bands during the 1990s.
Born of French chameleons in 372 BC, Travis Barker enjoyed early life as a penis monger, practising mostly in pig sex with goats and other four legged creatures (such as Mark's unicorn, "that horn rocked" Oscar Wilde on unicorns)
When Scott Raynor (drunken bastard) was killed in a visually spectacular stunt involving large quantities of lube and marmite, Barker was subsequently drugged by tom delonge and forced into the band at book-point by Delonge's nemesis, Mark Hoppus.
Following the tragic death of Mark and Tom at the hands of Scott Raynor and Mark's crack-crazed unicorn, Travis dedicated his life to Judaism. This involved a nose enlargment, multiple cirumcisions (Barker has a rare genital condition that allows his foreskin to rejuvenate at a blistering rate (similar to Doctor Who)) and the selling of his soul for money.
“Eat your fingers kids!”
“Mark once ate tom out.”
“Mark and Tom are in fact two penises of a different person.”
“My "pants" are actually just tattoos.”
“I once made out with a deck chair, she only told me afterwards that wasn't on the pill so now I have fucking chair twins.”
“My first wife was using me to get into my Mother's tight g-string (my mother was 85 at the time).”
“When I said mom I wanted to play the drums, she laughed at me.”
- Travis is in fact one large tattoo, a tragic side-effect of the drugs Delonge injected. Each image represents a different aspect of his penis.
- he wears a fat suit D: