Travis Barker

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Travis Barker was a founding member of Blink 182. Despite his lack of talent, possible insanity and bizarre relationship with his imaginary unicorn, Barker achived a mediocre career in one of the many forgetable boy bands during the 1990s.

Early life[edit]

Born of French chameleons in 372 BC, Travis Barker enjoyed early life as a penis monger, practising mostly in pig sex with goats and other four legged creatures (such as Mark's unicorn, "that horn rocked" Oscar Wilde on unicorns)

Entry Into Blink-182[edit]

When Scott Raynor (drunken bastard) was killed in a visually spectacular stunt involving large quantities of lube and marmite, Barker was subsequently drugged by tom delonge and forced into the band at book-point by Delonge's nemesis, Mark Hoppus.

Life After Blink-182[edit]

Following the tragic death of Mark and Tom at the hands of Scott Raynor and Mark's crack-crazed unicorn, Travis dedicated his life to Judaism. This involved a nose enlargment, multiple cirumcisions (Barker has a rare genital condition that allows his foreskin to rejuvenate at a blistering rate (similar to Doctor Who)) and the selling of his soul for money.

Quotes[edit]

“Eat your fingers kids!”

“Mark once ate tom out.”

“Mark and Tom are in fact two penises of a different person.”

“My "pants" are actually just tattoos.”

“I once made out with a deck chair, she only told me afterwards that wasn't on the pill so now I have fucking chair twins.”

“My first wife was using me to get into my Mother's tight g-string (my mother was 85 at the time).”

“When I said mom I wanted to play the drums, she laughed at me.”

Trivia[edit]

  • Travis is in fact one large tattoo, a tragic side-effect of the drugs Delonge injected. Each image represents a different aspect of his penis.
  • he wears a fat suit D: