Tree refueling

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Tree refueling is a course taught at liberal arts colleges, most commonly in the United States. Particularly Vermont.

Tree refeuling is one of the unique courses found in liberal arts colleges that has absolutely no relevance to life after college, and is designed never to be practiced in the real world. Other courses of this nature are Egg nog smithery, conversational binary, and cloud gazing. These courses were invented by educators in the early 1900's to 'round out' things called 'core requirements'.

Tree refueling is generally taught in one of two methods, the Rorschach and the Wendigo.

[edit] The Rorschach Methodology

The Rorschach method involves the students approaching a tree and, in a seemingly random series of jabs and pokes at the tree, produce recognizable shapes and figures. These holes and wounds in the tree are then used by students as the refueling points, in which sap and pith are pumped into the cavities to replace the gradual loss of these vital elements by tree-tappers. Tree-tappers are evil people who suck the sap and pith out of trees, particularly Maple trees, for their own greedy wealth and gluttonous consumption.

[edit] The Wendigo Methodology

The Wendigo method is the ancient Northern Canadian method practiced by the indigenous Candaian peoples, from which the modern Rorscach Method is derived. Seen as a spirit quest, the young (usually male) of the tribe in their seventeenth year would wander into the mighty forests of British Colombia, singing all the way. On a particularly creepy night they would scream with all their might 'My burning feet! My burning feet of fire!' and using the tools they'd brought with them make a single bore into the largest tree they could find, (usually done with a caught herring) and calling upon the spirits to give them strength, manually refuel the venerable tree's sap and pith, lost to age and the winds of time.

Tree refueling nowadays is often misunderstood, and as a collegiate offering from smaller liberal arts schools mistrusted by larger universities and Ivys. There have been 46 documented cases of students who have received full academic credit at their liberal arts college for Tree Refueling, but whose credit did not transfer to more 'prestigious' schools. Generally such courses now focus on the Rorschach method for practicality, although it is rumored that the Wendigo method is employed at the more radical Bennington and Hampshire colleges. No surviving accounts verify this claim, however.