Trekkie

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For those without comedic tastes, the so-called experts at Wikipedia think they have an article about Trekkie.

Actual trekkie, accompanied by a random jock

A trekkie is usually regarded as someone that does not have a life, aside from watching Star Trek, talking about it on the net, and going to conventions. These Star Trek conventions have grabed some attention as of late, being officially recognized by the Guinness Book of Records as the largest gathering of virgins in the world.

[edit] Origin

The word "Trekkie" is actually a bastardization of the Latin word trequelodite meaning "basement dweller". This term soon became obsolete after the fall of the Roman Empire; however when Star Trek came out, a term was needed to describe the huge amounts of virgins obsessed with the show. As the series went on the ranks of the trekkies grew. Sociologists, historians, and psychologists have produced many theories regarding the rise of the Trekkies. Although they disagree in many ways, there is one common theme between these many theories: Star Trek, and the community it created, filled the void in many of these people's lives. With no friends, sex, or a life for that matter, something was needed to keep these people busy, and Star Trek filled that role. Although the original show ended long ago, and the follow up series sucked to even the most hardcore of trekkies, the movement is still going strong. Huge gatherings of virgins occurs several times a year to discuss everything star trek. This is also one of the few chances for human contact for trekkies. Little more is known about these gatherings, as no one who has been laid cares about star trek enough to go to a convention.

[edit] Trekkism

There are several stages in which Trekkism can occur. The most important stages are:

Stage 1: Often referred to as the "sleeping stage". In this stage, Star Trek is only an entertaining show to said subject. The subject in this stage has to be woken up by the ultimate truth: Science Officer Spock is God.

Stage 2: This is the stage in which most Star Trek fans are: they respect the fact that Science Officer Spock is God, but don't worship him that much. In other words, they have some life outside of Star Trek.

Stage 3: Now, the Trekkie-ness gets really out of hand. In this stage, the Trekkie will not accept the laws and values of the country he lives in and only accepts the leanings of the Prophet McCoyhammed. This is the point that the trekkie will start analyzing the show for minute unimportant details, for example, discussing the design and blueprints of the Enterprise, or memorizing every word of every script of every show of the series. The Trekkie will also masturbate everyday to a picture of Deanna Troi or Beverly Crusher. The Trekkies in this stage are called "Trekdamentalists". If the said trekkie has not had sex at this point in his life, he will stay a virgin as long as he stays on the path of trekkiness.

Cliche Break: Your typical Trekkie is actually a college educated man, usually in some kind of technological or scientific career. Few are as far into it as the media portrays, in fact, I've never met anyone who has a pair of rubber vulcan ears. Or who has been to a convention. Most fans of Star Trek are just that, fans. Being smarter then average, they can naturally remember details that would make lesser folk think they must be obsessed. But rattling off the Enterprise's serial number (NCC-1701) comes as easily to us as rattling off Pi as "3.1415926" or the Norman Invasion as "1066". However, knowledge of one's world and knowledge of an enjoyable show has not been proved to preclude sexual relations. ^[1]

[edit] Habitat

Standard-issue equipment for any self respecting Trekkie. These specific items are currently banned in 34 U.S. states.

The natural habitat of any Trekkie is as follows:

• Star Trek Convention (naturally)
• Star Trek memorabilia store
• Dark basements huddled around a tv, not mowing their mom's lawn like they promised.
• A place where human interaction is unlikely, as of course they fear women.
• On their computer looking at porn. ^[2]

Reality...

• Developing computers, cell phones, and dozens of other inventions.
• Loving their families, and being loved. ^[3]
• Beating their wives, screwing whores and gambling away their kid's college fund. ^[4]
• Mowing their mom's lawn, then huddling around the TV in the basement! ^[5]

[edit] See also

Typical trekdamentalist humor. Like two pies in the face, and one in the Delta Quadrant.

• Star Trek
• Virgin
• You again
• You (just in case you missed it)
• You (come on, you're a Trekkie and you know it)
• Bill Gates
• Jean Luc Picard
• French
• Nerd
• Trekkie Monster
• Spock
• You (I know your a Trekkie, just give up resisting)
• Cheerleaders
• Pussy

[edit] Footnotes

1. ↑ I will confess that jacking off to Beverly Crusher, and wishing that she was having breakfast with me...or having me for breakfast...was fun!
2. ↑ They are virgins after all.
3. ↑ After all, if one must have a vice, isn't watching silly scifi better then wife beating, whoremongering or gambling?
4. ↑ Hey, I never claimed we Trekkies were perfect!
5. ↑ We're responsible!

v • d • e Fundamental Stereotypes

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