Troll 2

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Kids have no taste in movies and are idiots
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For those without comedic tastes, the self-proclaimed experts at Wikipedia have an article about Troll 2.

“Troll 2? OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOHHH MYYYYYYYYYY GAAAAAAAAAAWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWD!”

~ The guy working at a failing Blockbuster on Netflix

“I was never in Troll 2... OR WAS I?”

~ Ron Howard on trolling


Troll 2 is the most-awarded film of all time surpassing Brokeback Mountain. A silent film about the life of a lost unidentified animal form, Joshua and his encounters with monsters with bad teeth, greenish skin, revolting hair, and a need to feed on human flesh AKA as Amy Whinehouse your baby mama. The movie was filmed in front of a live studio audience to improve the soundtrack of the movie. Troll 2 is by far the best Family, drama, horror, comedy motion picture of 1990. Not only receiving over 30 Oscars but also awarded a Grammy for this timeless scene where Joshua shows his true talent in this scene. As prominent of a scene that was, the best part of the movie is without doubt this one which had audiences laughing and crying at the same time. As historically epic as the movie was, it started a major flame war on WoW on whether Trolls or Goblins were better which ended in a fight to the "death" in one massive server. The trolls in the movie (No actual trolls in the movie because of production costs) use green food to send the consumer into a hallucinogenic nightmare. The only thing that can stop these man-eating trolls is a double-decker bologna sandwich given to Joshua by his magical dead Grandpa Seth, that stops time by snapping his fingers, and because of the sandwich being loaded with carbs and cholesterol the Queen Goblin instantaneously bursts into flames and dies a horrible death.

Characters[edit]

Joshua - Joshua is the lost boy who is visited often by his reportedly dead grandfather (who is actually still alive, but faked his death for the life insurance). His grandfather tries to get him into a whole mess of trouble, when he convinces him to such antics as pissing on the family dinner or burning down a house with 20+ people including his family. More often though he tried to avoid his abusive father and his steroid ridden lesbian sister. He is also great friends with homeless people, who he will often mistake for his grandfather. he is also a professional skate boarder rivaling sir Tony hawk. and tends to eat hallucinogenic mushrooms that make him see his dead grandpa, seth, who used to pump him full of lead, right after he put led in his pencil.

Grandpa Seth - Grandpa Seth is a convicted arsonist and has gone to trial for several counts of manslaughter and overall devious behavior. He faked his death for the life insurance money, and his family members are now convinced he resides in hell where he belongs. He likes to visit his grandson often and tell him horror stories about how goblins are real and will turn him into plants and whole bunch o' bullshit. He's very undependable, and will leave family members in need to go sleep with hookers and get product from drug dealers. He'll sometimes give you a bologna sandwich, or something off the dollar menu as a parting gift. greatest beard in history. period.

Holly - Holly is Joshua's sister, who is on a heavy amount of steroids and has an infatuation with her own reflection. Her homosexual boyfriend Elliot will only have sex with her if his gay buddies can. However, she's very opposed to group sex and is also coming to terms with her own lesbian ways.

Michelangelo - Joshua and Holly's abusive father, who also happens to be a bed and breakfast reviewer and a large fan of hospitality. He also known worldwide for his ability to fast and is never to quick to say no to a fasting contest. According to the movie he has had "a lot more practice not eating than anyone ever. EVER."

Diane - Diane is the mother of Joshua and Holly and adds absolutely nothing to the movie whatsoever. All she ever does is give half hearted comfort to her children when they're scared, and that's why at the end when she got eaten by the goblin Josh was just like "pssst, that's coo."

Elliot - Holly's boyfriend who is a flaming homosexual and can't leave anywhere without his butt buddies close behind.

Creedence Leonore Gielgud (A.K.A the crack goblin) - Creedence is a meth addict who likes to tend to her plants and seriously needs a haircut. In her spare time she likes to have sex with men she finds in RV's, however a curse causes her to spew popcorn everytime she tries to bump uglies.

Arnold - A horny young dwarf who only wants to take the virginity of a troll. Ultimately unsuccessful, becomes a smoothie. R.I.P.

The Boys- also flaming homosexuals who like sleeping naked (with each other), short shorts, and trying to brag about chicks while blowing each other.

Behind the Scenes[edit]

While filming Troll 2 Elliot (or the artist formerly known as Elliot) became addicted to Methamphetamine. The 9 year old film star was caught trying to smuggle some meth onto the set. Fortunately for the directors one of the interns noticed and odd smell coming from Elliot's anus. Unfortunately the intern now had to retrieve the crystals from betwixt Elliot's "Cornhole." Elliot wasn't the only one with problems on set. The director (M. Night Shamalan) was going through menopause. Everyday he had to cope with extreme pain but luckily for him it was not that bad because he had just been castrated by a flying spear which had been misjudged and thrown towards Mr. M. Night during a stunt. Mr. Shama learned his lesson... When people yell "crow" you better duck. Goblin #136 had problems of his own, not only had he castrated the director, he also got the actor for Elliot's sister's boyfriend pregnant. He had told him that goblins had extremely fertile sperm but the boyfriend wanted Buttsecks so badly he would do anything. Even be the catcher. The crew had its ups and its downs but it still managed to bind together and become the best-selling movie of all time.

Troll facts[edit]

  • Trolls never have sex. Ever.
  • Trolls pretend to have sex.

Movie facts[edit]

  • Troll 2 brought in about 10000 goats equal to around $500,000,000,000
  • No trolls were harmed in the making of the film (but 24 goblins were killed)
  • Elliot represents Jesus in how he comes back to save his family and slay some goblins
  • The goblins teeth were actually thumbtacks
  • SNL, Mac commercials, and the Moon landing were all filmed on the same set with Troll 2
  • They invented movie theaters to show this movie
  • A gallon of body fluid was shed while in the making
  • The premiere was in Antarctica
  • FUN FACT: The town of Nilbog was going to be called Llort before the director on a night of binge crack smoking decided to make a last minute change from trolls to goblins.

Trivia Time[edit]

  • What was the movie troll 2 originally going to be called? Lemon Party 4: Revenge of the Troll
  • What was the double-decker bologna sandwich really made out of? Tofu, Because of the high prices of bologna
  • How were they able to get so many goblins in the movie? They stole them from their families overnight
  • Who edited the film? A monkey named Jo-Jo who was hyped up on crack
  • Is it really worse than Twilight? No
  • Will it ever lose its power over humans? No
  • Who are they eating? Her
  • And then who are they gonna eat? Me
  • Can I say OMG?! Yes
  • OH MY GGGGOOOODDDD!!!!!!!!!!!!