From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia.
Jump to navigation Jump to search
Whoops! Maybe you were looking for Gypsy, or Greece? How about Holocaust denial, or Turkmenistan? Possibly even Dick?
      This article is about the Central Asia Turkish hordes, a 21st century primitive semi-nomadic area whose influence dominates the inside of their tents. For a turkey that goes gobble-gobble, see Turkey (animal).
Jamharriya of Türkiyâ
LocationAfghanistan.png Turkish National Embleme2.PNG
Flag Coat of Arms
Motto: "Everything is something happend."
Anthem: "The March of Futura"
Ottoman 1683.png
Capital not Constantinople
Largest city Constantinopole
Official language(s) GOBLE-GOBLE
Government Horde-ism, Tribal dictatorship
Padishah ABD-ullah Gule
‑ Führer Rajap Tayyeap
National Hero(es) Gheorghe Hagi, Polat Alemdar, Şahin K, Borat
Established 13rd Century
Currency Million Lira
Religion 1% Islam
Population 12 million (Just counted Constantinopolites, sorry.)
Area tent camp - 1.0 kmp
Population density People feels like Turks (75%), Kurds (20%), Circassians (4%), Assyrians (1%)
Major exports dead Armenians
Major imports Armenians
Internet TLD .IranIstWunderbar
Calling code +900

“Make sure that we have bias referees during our soccer games against Turkey, or else they'll school us!!!”

“Turkey doesn't go Gobble Gobble”

~ Captain Obvious on Turkey

“God forgave the bastards. But I can't do that for your countrymen in my script.... See my movie.”

~ Oliver Stone on Turkey

Turkia (Turkish: Repüblik Gobblestan) is a secular, democratic country and a member of the European Union. Geographically, one can see that Turkey is a peninsula, surrounded by the Aegean, Black, Marmara and Mediterranean Seas making it an international center of tourism. Known as "The Land of Beaches," tourists from all over the world visit Turkey to have sex at various nightclubs, gamble their salaries away and not get caught for anything illegal by the police.

Needless to say that Turkish national birds are Turkey and Chicken.


One of the more popular stories in the Iliad, "Turkey" held a story in which Snickers bars explode with a large impact and splatter their victims with caramel. They were then used for throwing at little children on Halloween to scare them away and make them defecate themselves (again for the growth in population of flies and mosquitoes). The name Snickers was given to the actual candy bar because of the effect it had on the person handling them. One cannot help but giggle as children lose limbs as they try to catch these bars of "candy".

During the war for Turkey's independence, people from countries all around the world came to attack the homeland of the Turkish people. In a war-torn country about to fall, Mustafa Kemal came to the rescue and beat the invaders at the Battle of Gallipoli. When the war was over, his overwhelming about of support allowed him to establish the Turkish Republic, a land where all Turks could live peace and happiness (not to mention drinking, gambling and becoming major playas). His large amount of support also coined him the name Atatürk, Turkish for Father-turk.

Throughout the years of his presidency, Atatürk modernized the Turkish language by rewriting it with English characters (a first step towards Turkish people forgetting their Islamic roots). He also introduced the freedoms of speech, religion and press by abolishing the Islamic courts (oh now we don't even have to be Islamic anymore). Atatürk also established the women's right to vote and made sure that a Turkish woman received rights equal to that of the Turkish male. This means that buying a woman in Turkey nowadays will cost you more than just a goat and six bags of fertiliser. His prime minister was a man of half Turkish and half Kurdish origin, future president İsmet İnönü (which is why many Kurds in Turkey have blended into the Turkish society and stay loyal to Turkey) (Kurds in northern Iraq have tried, but failed to trick them into thinking that they need to start up a civil war).

As time moved on, the Soviet Union became more and more powerful possessing a great threat to Turkey. After World War II, the evil Soviets demanded that Turkey should give them equal control of the Turkish straits. President İnönü gave a speech to the Turkish parliament and thus, received the majority of the vote to ally themselves with the United States and be included in the Marshall Plan. The United States then provided militaristic and economic aid towards Turkey which resulted in strengthening the Turkish government against the threat of communism (WHAT NOW RUSSIANS? Did you honestly think you could take control of Turkey? Turkey is for the Turkish people!!!)


For the religious among us who choose to believe lies, the so-called experts at Wikipedia have an article very remotely related to Turkey.

Ascension into the European Union[edit]

An ambassador of Turkey, disguised as turkey, asking advice from the smartest president of the United States

On December 12th, 1999, the European Union recognized Turkey as an official candidate. During the 2000s, Turkey was successful in a variety of different areas. First, the Turkish soccer team became 3rd in the 2002 World Cup. In 2003, Turkish popstar Sertab won first place in the Eurovision Music Festival. In 2004, Turkey was finally able to gain their long time rival Greece's support for their entry into the EU. In 2005, İstanbul, Turkey became the host of the Formula-1 race track with F1 race cars. All these events finally led to the start of negotiations on October 3rd, 2005. In the years of 2006-2007, many chapters were opened and many steps taken for Turkey's acceptance as a full European Union member, since the Turkish archSultan agreed to publish an order which will hopefully stop Turks from thinking of the toilets as magic wells. However, negotiations were halted as France was elected the president of the EU in 2008. However, the victories of pro-Turkish countries in the following years accelerated Turkish membership to its full momentum by 2012.

In 2013, when Turkey officially became a member of the European Union, it was a day to remember. All the Turkish döner kebap owners began handing out free döners for all. In addition, all the Turks who previously had to pay costly visas to get into Europe realized that visiting Europe is now free. As more Turks started living in Europe, many Europeans couldn't compete with their looks. As a result, they all watched as Turkish guys used their charm to date their hot models, supercelebrities and dreamgirls. After which, you woke up.

Diplomatic relations[edit]

YouTube, in Turkey.


Error 404


and the rest of the world...


A handsome Turk. Istanbul/Turkey

Turkey, is a touristic country. Each year, Angola, Mozambique, Guinea and compete with countries like Libya. Greek ships come to shore every year. Titanic is claimed that the Turkish coast sank in the sea. The biggest downside is that due to Turks' smoking habbits, the beaches now consist of 75% ciggarette buds and 25% other trash and rocks. This has taken its toll from the local economy and many have proposed drastic measures, such as conquering Japan or blaiming the Jews. Also efforts were made to blame global warming, but the only one who could really give a care is Al Gore but he is currently busy telling the truth about kind of serious stuff.

Sport in Turkey[edit]


Galatasaray, the worst team in Turkey

Turkey's top soccer teams are Galatasaray and then Fenerbahçe. However, it is known by the fans of Galatasaray that all Turks are born Galatasaray fans and die Fenerbahçe fans; it is sometimes due to mental problems that they suddenly start supporting one of the other teams. During the past few years, Fenerbahçe and Galatasaray have alternated between the top two spots in the Turkish soccer league. However, there is a conspiracy that a third team, supported by male truck drivers with big-mustaches, exists as well. This team, known to these people as Beşiktaş, has gotten lower and lower each year within the overall ranks of the Turkish soccer league. A common example of a Beşiktaş player is Rüştü, the man who proved himself incapable of saving goals and proved himself able to drag the Turkish national soccer team to defeat in Euro 2008. On the other hand, back when Rüştü was part of Fenerbahçe in 2002, his mastery of saving goals made many consider him the main reason for the 3rd place Turkish victory.


Turkey's top basketball teams are Efes Pilsen, Fenerbahçe and Toronto Raptors. However, it is known by the fans of Efes Pilsen that all Turks are born Efes Pilsen fans and die Efes Pilsen fans; it is sometimes due to mental problems that they suddenly start supporting one of the other teams. Efes Pilsen is Turkish beer.

Volleyball, Tennis and Others[edit]


See also[edit]

Countries and territories of Asia
Euroasia Armenia - Azerbaijan - Cyprus - Georgia - Japan-France - Russia - Turkey (the country, not the bird) - Lebanon
East Asia People's Republic of China - Hong Kong - Japan - Kansai Republic - Korea (north) (south) (pick 'em) - Macau - Mongolia - Taiwan (Republic of Taiwan) - Tibet
Western Asia Arabia - Bahrain - Iran - Iraq - Israel - Jordan - Kuwait - Oman - Palestine - Qatar - Saudi Arabia - Syria - United Arab Emirates - Wherethefuckistan - Yemen
Central Asia Kazakhstan - Kyrgyzstan - Tajikistan - Turkmenistan - Uzbekistan - other-stan
South Asia Afghanistan - Bangladesh - Bhutan - India - Maldives - Nepal - Pakistan - Sri Lanka
Southeast Asia Cambodia - East Timor - Indonesia - Laos - Burma - Malaysia - Philippines - Singapore - Thailand - West Timor - Vietnam
Middle East Countries
Bahrain | Cyprus | Egypt | Iraq | Iran | Israel/Palestine | Jordan | Kuwait | Lebanon | Oman | Qatar | Saudi Arabia | Syria | Turkey | United Arab Emirates | Yemen | The United States of Arabia
Turkic States
Azerbaijan | Cyprus | Kyrgyzstan | Kazakhstan | Uzbekistan | Turkey | Turkmenistan
Countries and territories of The World
Afghanistan | Albania | Algeria | Andorra | Angola | Argentina | Armenia | Australia | Austria | Azerbaijan | Bahrain | Bangladesh | Barbados | Belarus | Belgium | Belize | Bhutan | Bolivia | Bosnia | Botswana | Brazil | British Virgin Islands | Bulgaria | Burkina Faso | Burma | Burundi | Cambodia | Cameroon | Canada | Cayman Islands | Central African Republic | Chad | Chile | China | Christmas Island | Colombia | Costa Rica | Côte d'Ivoire | Croatia | Cuba | Cyprus | Czech Republic | Denmark | Djibouti | Dominican Republic | Ecuador | Egypt | El Salvador | Equatorial Guinea | Denmark | Disneyland | Estonia | Ethiopia | Falkland Islands | Faroe Islands | Finland | Flanders | France | French Guiana | Gabon | Germany | Ghana | Gibraltar | Greece | Greenland | Guam | Guatemala | Guernsey | Guinea | Guyana | Haiti | Hong Kong | Hungary | Iceland | India | Indonesia | Iran | Iraq | Ireland | Israel | Italy | Jamaica | Japan | Jordan | Kansai | Kazakhstan | Kenya | Kiribati | Kuwait | Kyrgyzstan | Laos | Latvia | Lebanon | Lesotho | Liberia | Libya | Liechtenstein | Lithuania | Luxembourg | Macau | Macedonia | Malawi | Maldives | Malaysia | Malta | Martinique | Mauritania | Mauritius | Mexico | Micronesia | Moldova | Monaco | Mongolia | Montenegro | Morocco | Mozambique | Nauru | Nepal | Netherlands | New Caledonia | New Zealand | Nicaragua | Niger | Nigeria | North Korea | Norway | Oman | Pakistan | Papua-New Guinea | Palau | Peru | Philippines | Phoenix Islands | Poland | Portugal | Puerto Rico | Qatar | Romania | Russia | Rwanda | Samoa | San Marino | Saudi Arabia | Serbia | Singapore | Slovenia | South Africa | South Korea | South Sudan | Spain | Sri Lanka | Sudan | Suriname | Svalbard | Swaziland | Sweden | Switzerland | Syria | Taiwan | Tajikistan | Tanzania | Thailand | Tonga | Trinidad and Tobago | Togo | Tunisia | Turkey | Turkmenistan | Ubeki Beki Beki Beki Stan Stan | Uganda | Ukraine | United Arab Emirates | United Kingdom | United States | Uruguay | Uzbekistan | Venezuela | Vietnam | Western Sahara | Yemen | Zambia | Zimbabwe