Tv3 New Zealand

From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia.
Jump to: navigation, search
Tv3's proposed 2010 logo which is far more appropriate to the stations programming

“Where the fuck did Toni Go?”

~ Random Person on Tv3 Weekend Weather

TV3 is a large sexual tv station in New Zealand. It was the first privately owned free-to-air action sex studio in the country. TV3 is part of the MediaWorks NZ group, which also operates MTV wannabe channel called C4 and its iconic white sex studio. MediaWorks also own all the actualy good radio stations within New Zealand.

When the station first began broadcasting in 1989er, its slogan proclaimed 'Cum home to the feeling' - The following day about 60 percent of Sheep Shaggers "came" to TV3's regular broadcasts.

3 News[edit]

The so-called real version of their logo

3 News is Tv3's own news show, which infact runs the whole station (see 'V8 Supercars' below). Tv3s reporters and news anchors typicaly features some of the hottest milfs on new zealand television.

Tv3's news programming typicaly consists of:

  • Sunrise
    The current Sunrise presenters table.
Tv3s new weapon against TVNZ's breakfast show creativley called Breakfast. While Tv3 may have stolen the name Sunrise from an Australain Show of the same name, Sunrise makes use of a huge and extremely long table, so long you could park new zealands airforce on it at least twice.
Situated at the table are humours presenters, milfs, a dog, and live casts from a suspiciously flamboyant weather boy.
This is a huge contrast to TVNZ's Breakfast, where the meaning of 'dumb blonde' can be found sitting on a boring couch, next to the theoretcally funny Paul Henry as they partake in idle mindless chatter.
  • 3 News at 12
News at 12, launched when Sunrise was launched in order to steal what was left of TVNZ's viewers.
  • 3 News
The classic 6PM news hour that features Barry Hillary and Mike Mcroberts.
Not that they mean much when the average viewer waits for the empowering sex goddess of weather Toni Marsh to begin her 10 minute take on what "tickled her fancy" and what part of the country did not experienced "8 inches they were promised last night".
Also, 3Sport news presenters are proud to have a clean criminal record and dont partake in $100,000 'cashie' payouts and domestic violence, contrast to their opposition TVNZ's OneSport.
  • Campbell Live
Bugger. Marvelous. Answer the question. Ponder This.
The Enemy Called Sainsbury the unshaven walrus (Who can also land the RNZAF's new Nh90 helicopter on his mostauche) has got nothing to compete with this legend of Debate and Political Satire, John Campbell and his MARVELOUS current affairs show.
  • 45 Minutes (New Zealand TV series)
The new zealand version of 60 minutes, renamed 45 minutes after one complaint(s) with the Broadcasting Standards Authority that the show infact does not run for 60 minutes as it contains 15 minutes of advertising.
  • ASB Buisness
A 6:30am Buisness programe hosted by Micheal Wilson. Wilson was captured by TV3 during the Inter-broadcasters Breakfast/Sunrise war. TV3 captured Wilson and used him against his former organisation.
Wilson since has been fully converted to the 3News team, and has brought with him his valuable viewers.
  • Nightline
A Nightly news half hour Hosted by the extremley gorgeous Samantha Hayes and the mysterious "nightline team".
Nightline brings fun into the most dull day of news - you become seduced by Samantha's smile or find yourself dying of laughter during David Farrier's internet wrap and his unnessasary dramatic pauses "Im David Farrier........... 3 NEWS!".
  • Sports Tonight
"yeeeeeeeeeees its sports fuckin' tonight!! Hi Im Dobbo" Dobbo hosts this late night sports program. Dobbo cums after nightline - often seen talking with Samantha Hayes just before the show begins - Lucky son of a bitch.

3 Sport[edit]

Sexy Milf weather presenter Toni Marsh doing her stuff... Watch her doing a typical report here [1]

“Some of us have to work in the morning!”

~ Unemployed Bogan on 3Sport's late night V8 Supercar coverage
  • A1gp
TV3 currently owns the new zealand rights to the A1GP, it involved a fierece battle between the main broadcasting stations in New Zealand.
Crude weapons made from office equipment and the use of the 3Sport SAS consisting of TV3's Pulp sport mascot and a chain gun managed to convince the other broadcasters to back down.
TV3 previously held the delayed free-to-air rights to physics and rugby union, but lost them when The Sturmabteilung Imperial SKY Network Television forces invaded the new zealand television market. Notably it purchased the unheard of Prime Television.
Winning sport coverage rights left right and center, The Sturmabteilung Imperial SKY Network Television forces (SISKYNTVF) had a firm control over popular sporting coverage in New Zealand Thus Using the sports rights the SISKYNTVF decided to create hundreds of digital sport channels on its satlitte TV network, and used these channels as a marketing tool to lure customers to its digital money stealing cult.
Physics or "Cricket" now features on skys sport channels for hours on end with little to no viewers and genrally clogg sky's channels for up to 3 days at a time.
  • V8 Supercars
Tv3 holds the broadcast rights for the highly popular V8 Supercar series, TV3 faught its most bloodiest battle, and used much of its budget on military spending to fight the SISKYNTVF and also attack the previous owners of the rights, arch enemies TVNZ.
TV3 won the battle, and 3Sport had aqquired the V8s, howver civil war broke out when 3 News prevented 3 Sport from bringing live coverage to its angry, well armed, highly intoxicated petrol head fans.
3 Sport has turned to allies the C4 sex station to bring live coverage in the future.

Local Entertainment[edit]

TV3 offers a range of locally-made programming, this includes:

  • New Zealand's Next Top Model
Feauting the most beutiful sheep from the southern hemisphere
  • Outrageous Fortune
A trademark TV3 drama that can beat anything in TVNZ's arsenal. Full of sex, drugs, the funny maori dude and hot chicks and milfs. Surpisingly this show has had little problems compared to complaints against Californication.
  • Deal or No Deal
Yehh they got complaints for this too.. But good ol TV3 kept the chicks in the sexy dresses.
  • Downsize Me!
Morbidly obese D grade NZ celebrities get yelled at by that blonde trainer with the mint set of tits.
  • Target
A show where secret cameras are placed into peoples rooms as the shows crew frame builders, painters and cleaners for stealing choc chip cookies, vodka, and going through personal dildo collections. Oh and its hosted by this blonde milf.
  • Wa$ted!
A hipicritical, non-factual environmental show that makes big claims but fails to provide evidence for its actions. Probably the only tv3 show that diddnt feature a milf.
  • Pulp Sport
A collection of Man Love Moments. Large Animal orgies are frequent.
  • Money Man
An angry bald guy with a mostauche and some DPM camo pants yells at people for spending too much money. He sleeps in a pup tent indoors, and forces home owners to eat porrige.
  • Inside New Zealand
Renamed after the first version, Inside Samantha, received a large number of complaints from Family Trust organisations.
Inside Samantha was a weekly documentary, using 'inside cam" technology to bring us live, deep from the caverns of Samantha.
By the way Samantha is a mountain range off the coast of Mexico. The Family trust complained only because the jagged rocks of the mountain face resembled male genitalia.

Imported Entertainment[edit]

TV3's international shows have a tendancy to be crime dramas and invistagtive dramas.

Inernational Shows include:

  • America's Next Top Dickhead
  • Auckland Legal
  • Criminal Intent
  • CSI: Crime Scene Investigation
  • CSI: Miami
  • CSI: New York
  • CSI: South Auckland
  • CSI: Otara
  • CSI: Sesame Street Masacre
  • Heroes
  • Home and away
  • How I Ate Your Mother
  • Home (A more affordable version of 'House')
  • Law & Order
  • Law & Order: Special Victims Unit
  • Law & Order: Otara Meth Lab
  • My Name Is John (campbell)
  • NCIS
  • So You Think You Can Suck
  • Survivor - Seriously guys how long is that fucking show going for?

See also[edit]

  • TVNZ Arch Enimes
  • SKY TV The Sturmabteilung Imperial SKY Network Television Forces.
Nuvola apps important blue.svg This template is blue because this article needs cleanup.
Please make spelling, grammar, or punctuation corrections, reorganize the content, or delete bad content and clichés so this template will cheer up.

Incorrect usage! Please sign with timestamp: {{Cleanup|~~~~~}}