Twiggy Ramirez
From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia.
Transsexual porn star Twiggy Ramirez was born (illegitimately, I might add) a really long time ago to 1960s supermodel Twiggy and that one Mexican guy who runs the grocery store down the street. The unfortunate child was abandoned on the doorstep of Darth Maul and his devoted life-partner Dennis Rodman. From that sentence alone you know she/he had a fucked up childhood. You really can't blame her/him for later being attracted to a particular gay, heavily tattooed, cross-dressing freak, but we'll get around to that in a while.
Raised almost exclusively on whiskey and speed, Twiggy soon developed her(his) widely envied skeletal figure, but the awful diet also rendered (him)her effectively retarded and unable to string together more than a few words, most of which were obscene. This made him/her very attractive to the neighbourhood pedophiles when s/he was young, and she quickly became Everyone's Favourite Bicycle ("Even mine!" -Oscar Wilde).
This trend continued through the rest of Twiggy's tragically short life.
Contents |
[edit] CAREER BEGINNINGS
After a long dark period in which he/she was able to recall nothing, Twiggy awoke mostly naked in a gutter in Miami, covered with cooked spaghetti noodles and Astroglide. She/he decided from that point on that (s)he would stop accepting clients unless they could actually pay her. Probably a good move.
This marked the beginning of Twiggy's fantastic porn career. Here's how it happened: After the Astro-Noodle incident, Twiggy cleaned himself up and headed in the direction of Miami's closest liquor store in hopes of finding some food. She/he stumbled over a long, hairy leg which was attached to a person who was sleeping half-in, half-out of a trash can. Twiggy reasoned that this person might be interested in sex (already forgetting his(her) promise to him/herself), dragged the skinny, white person out of the trashcan, and started sucking him off. He immediately woke up and punched Twiggy in the face, breaking her nose.
Right before he could leave, though, he caught a glimpse of Twiggy's adorable, misshapen face and felt so bad that he started fucking him/her to make up for it. They fell instantly in love and would have gotten married THAT VERY NIGHT if it hadn't somehow been completely illegal.
After they were done fucking in the middle of the road, Twiggy asked the man his name.
[edit] MARILYN MANSON
The two super-model named whores quickly became the talk of the town with their tag-team approach to blowjobs and anal (which they gave out free upon request, sometimes while they were asleep). The porn industry came craaaawling to them. To celebrate their first major movie deal, they exchanged body parts. Twiggy got the larger of Marilyn's two cocks, and Marilyn got Twiggy's breasts, which, through a bad grafting, were later rejected by his body. No worries, though. We caught all that jiggly action on tape in "FUCK FRANKIE" the gay trannie porn classic available for only $25.00 through this special offer! Order the sequel, "DIARY OF A SEX FIEND" and get free shipping!!!
The two were inseparable (LITERALLY, hurhurhur) for many years, and starred in countless hardcore porn films together, including the gay classic "ANAL-FUCK SUPERSTAR", the later-banned rape film "I DON'T LIKE THE THUGS, BUT THE THUGS LIKE ME", and the bizarre Christian-themed flick "HOLY WOOD". Twiggy and Marilyn scored many a spread in magazines such as Honcho, Hustler, and Highlights for Children, earning them an esteemed place in porno history.
[edit] MURDER OR SUICIDE?
Here, the story gets really gross. Just so you know. Anyway.
Twiggy's life was cut short suddenly after a fight with Marilyn over Marilyn's slutty behaviour with John5 (a cheap hooker he picked up one night and kept around as pet). The two were screwing like horny weasles at every opportunity, which obviously made Twiggy very jealous. According to our reliable sources, Marilyn just bitch-slapped Twiggy like the ho he was and continued screwing John. Twiggy ran off crying and drowned his sorrows in blow, horse, and speed until he OD'd.
...Or did he?
He was found in a puddle of his own blood and vomit, covered with other people's jizz, which really is rather suspicious if you think about it. The conspiracy theorists believe that either Marilyn, John or both fed Twiggy a bottle of Drano-laced whiskey (OH SNAP, JAMES ST JAMES, FUCKING COPYCAT GET YOUR OWN IDEAS) while they pretended to apologise to him and then had a nice bukkake session on his dead body afterwards. Of course, that could just represent the personal fantasies of the conspiracy theorists.
In any case, Twiggy is definitely fucking dead.
[edit] SURVIVED BY
- His lover and betrayer, Marilyn Manson, who continues to have a successful career in porn, despite recently developing several new chins.
- Courtney, his pet dog, who ran away to become a model and was captured for a freak show instead. Crazy bitch.
- Jeordie White, his lesser known fraternal twin, from whom he was separated at birth. Jeordie is surprisingly sane compared with his sister/brother. His whereabouts are unknown, but last we heard he was gooning around on the moon.
[edit] FURTHER INFO
- For a charming Mommy-Daughter/Son duet, please look up "I Only Want to Be With You" by Twiggy and Twiggy on your favourite music-stealing software
