U.S.S. Jimi Hendrix

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The U.S.S. Jimi Hendrix, in all glory.

The U.S.S. Jimi Hendrix is the United States Navy's most expensive LSD-powered aircraft carrier, part of the Sandoz class naval ships. It is named after legendary guitarist Jimi Hendrix. It is considered one of the most technologically advanced ships in the Sandoz class, and has a very impressive battle record.

Specifications[edit]

The U.S.S. Jimi Hendrix is capable of firing laser-guided guitars over a distance of 3,000 nautical miles. During their flight, the guitars play notable solos from Eddie Van Halen and Eric Clapton; it appears that the music created by the guitars propels them forward towards a target with deadly accuracy.

Aside from that, the carrier can launch every US naval aircraft available, and currently holds the infamous squadron who were subject of the 80's documentary, Top Gun (Maverick, Iceman, and the like). It rumored that the U.S.S. Jimi Hendrix is "indestructible", as suggested by a 2004 incident when a Chinese nuclear submarine fired Roseanne at the U.S.S. Jimi Hendrix. The U.S.S. Jimi Hendrix withstood the attack, and fired back Elton John, thus sinking the submarine. The U.S.S. Jimi Hendrix is also noted as having sunk the Mayflower.

WARNING: The following paragraph is extremely random, and is probably an unfunny inside joke. Please add the words "in bed" after every sentence as you read it to make it amusing.

During a standard test of the aircraft carrier's engines, the U.S.S. Jimi Hendrix was attacked by a rogue agent of an unknown pirate clan. With his employee tag as, "Harry", the agent tried to attach explosive 'miers' onto the back of the naval vessel. Fortunately, radar picked up the criminal, and the U.S.S. Jimi Hendrix fired 13 tons of pimple-be-gone spray at the "Harry". The corpse was never found.

NOTICE: It is now safe to resume to regular reading conditions and return to Earth.

The U.S.S. Jimi Hendrix has some very fancy internal structural specifications as well, such as a buffet for all the sailors, and an onboard sex-shop, complete with Paris Hilton. Let it also be known that the U.S.S. Jimi Hendrix has never anchored for repairs or refueling; it relies solely on the infinite energy source that is LSD.

The U.S.S. Jimi Hendrix has been credited with 45,000 kills on opposing naval ships, and an estimated total of 67,802.43 total kills on opposing sailors. The following is a list of the U.S.S. Jimi Hendrix's uses in both combat and humanitarian efforts:

War[edit]

Humanitarian[edit]

N/A

See also[edit]