U.S. Constitution

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The U.S. Constitution, which should be confused with the Constitution of the United States, or, "Old Ironsides", consists of a series of lettres d'amour between Thomas Paine and Alexander Hamilton, which were often carried between the star-struck lovers by their mutual friend Thomas Jefferson. Jefferson frequently opened these little notes and edited them for content.

The backs of these three gentlemen form the "tripod" upon which the tabletop of American Democracy rests. They wrote under pseudonyms, calling themselves "Joyful Justice," "Lady Legislature," and "Ejaculatory Executive." It is not known to this day which of them was which, or if, indeed, they actually traded roles to fend off boredom.

They spent most of their time bickering over who would be the top, constantly exchanging whip lashings and bondage gear in attempts to work out their differences.

Historically, we have been led to believe that the end result was a tie, and that each of them should wield an equal amount of power. It has become apparent, however, that various clauses and positions required in order to fashion this happy little menage a trois have resulted in structural deficiencies and the gradual usurpation of the warmer, middle part of the bed by the member known as Executive.