UberKilling

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UberKilling is a martial art based solely on the premise that it's fun to kill people, and that you should. A lot. It teaches everything from Gunfighting to Head-Ripping and everything in between.

A rare picture of a training session in the art of UberKilling.

History[edit]

Hitler was the first Uberkiller.

UberKilling is a Martial art that was created in 1983 by Julius Caesar, after watching the colliseum fights between Chuck Norris, Samurai Lincoln, and Jack Bauer. During the fights, Julius kept a record of everything awesome that happened and studied every bit of it for the rest of his life, carefully measuring and calculating every awesome thing. He called it YubehrKeilleihng. Then, just as he was about to reveal his research to the world, Chuck Norris killed him and his research.

Until the late 2840's, when a small scrap of the research magically warped through time, and was discovered by some six year old. Using advanced technology, the scientists of that year managed to recreate the WHOLE thing somehow, then mass-distributed it, creating the martial art of the newly named UberKilling.

UberKilling Move List[edit]

  • Up, Down, kick - Kicks your opponents head into the ground, instant kill.
  • Towards opponent 2x, kick - The deadly roundhouse, instant kill.
  • Towards opponent 6x, up, down, left, right, K button, E button, U button- Kills your opponent in a way so dangerous, those who even talk about it are killed inst-
  • Q, W, E, R, L - Bites your opponent's head off.
  • R, o, f, l, m, a, o- Punch, does pretty much nothing, except when you folow up with UP 2x, then you kill the opponent.
  • Up, Down, Left, Right, Shake It All About, A, B, C and Start - Sets off a mini nuclear explosion in your opponent's backside. Instant death.
  • q,w,e,r,t,y,u,i,o,p A.K.A The keyboard attack. After this is said, you must flail your hands wildely and scream " CHUKCNORRISGILLDIGLDLYBALLS!" and chuck norris will send down the kicking keyboard of the heavens to brutally attack your enemies and reduce them to bloody twitching pulp.
  • Quarter Circle Forward, Half Circle Back, 720 degree rotation clockwise on analog stick 4, left, left, right, left, yellow, red, X, Y, left trigger, right trigger, Circle, L2, the button with a picture of Kool-Aid Guy on it, Ctrl, Alt, Delete - Christopher Walken tells your opponent a story about using a watch as an anal bead. One hit kill.
  • Up, Up, Left, Left, Down, Down, Right - You grow like 50 arms or so and use them like a real fighter should. Actually one hit kill the rest is just UberKill in case there's more.
  • Up, Up, Down, Down, Left, Right, Left, Right, A, B - the Konami(tm) UberKill. Moving close to the speed of light, the user rushes at his/her opponent, and slices through his/her body (user's choice as to where) with great celerity. The victim won't even know about it until a gust of wind pushes the two parts of the body apart. Developed in 1988 by Konami.
  • Use the Wiimote as a Phallus Replacement on opponent - Oragsmo Kill, the opponents orgasm so hard it snaps their back and they [Male] ejaculate their heart / [Female] Give birth to their lungs.
  • B - Falcon Punch. Results in a multitude of fire, explosions, and pant-shitting.
  • Alt, F4 - instantly makes all of your attacks awesomer.
  • Control Alt Escape - Instantly killing whatever the hell was annoying you and refused to die. On Uber operating systems by default. Signed, The Lord.


These are only a short set of moves, real UberKillers know hundreds more by heart...........................or none at all, they could just kill your ass by breathing..YA THAT'S RIGH MUTHA FUCKA!

You may not know it, but one of these UberKillers is already dead. Can you guess which one?

Where can I start to UberKill?[edit]

There are hundreds, THOUSANDS of UberKilling schools in the world even today. The problem is: You can't SEE any of them. That's right. They're hidden. In order to find them, you must go to the center of the Earth and endure watching the Goatse man do his thing for 3 straight days. That time is the time in which you are allowed to THINK about signing up for an UberKilling class.

Once you have thought about it they will take you into a room, then beat you up. If you live, however, (Like, one in every 100 jillion people do, and it's a fluke everytime) you will be allowed to take one trial class. If you enjoy it, you may sign up at the inexpensive rate of 10 thousand dollars a second. But that's the thing! It takes only a second to learn everything. In that one second you could kill all your classmates the RIGHT WAY!

UberMassKilling[edit]

UberMassKilling is just like UberKilling, but is designed to kill mass amounts of people using any weapon at your disposal. With a toothpick, a novice UberMassKiller could kill about 400 people in one motion. And don't get me started on what they could do with a fork. Of course, an expert UberMassKiller can kill over 9000 people with just one slice of salami.

Famous UberKillers[edit]