Ubergrue

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An Ubergrue [Hellicarnatussi Shittidiekill] is a creature resembling a Grue, and a member of the Grue family (though not actually a Grue itself). They got their name because they were originally thought to be Grues, but like Eurgs and the Anti-Grue, they are not. They are made of both normal awesomnium and antimatter awesomnium, hence the uberness. They are the most powerful animals in existence. They are so powerful that the mere mention of them caused all the characters in Harry Potter to have a heart attack and die. They are SO powerfull that they could not only eat the entire Universe, they could eat every universe, including all of time, and keep themselves alive. The only known suvivor from a Ubergrue encounter is Domo-Kun, don't ask how, cause he won't explain and he'll just try to eat you instead.

A typical Ubergrue in its natural habitat.

Common traits[edit]

There are approximately 12 Ubergrues universewide, which is even less than there are Eurgs. These numbers are obtained by dropping video cameras into their natural habitat, as no one has ever seen an Ubergrue directly and lived. Like Eurgs, they could be added to the endangered species list but those who wanted to say anything died out of fear of the mere thought of an Ubergrue. Despite this there are still environmental groups who want to create more Ubergrues, even though they have a bad impact on the environment. Typical environmental groups. Their presence can be felt when severe earthquakes occur and everyone in an area asplodes without explanation.

They can survive anywhere. At all. One of their most common habitats (perhaps a vacation resort) is the void. Those which prefer to hunt Eurgs live in the nothing belt. The Ubergrues have no natural predators and so they walk around killing everything. It's a lot of fun, too. Can you imagine walking around as a giant monster crushing everything? Sadly you cannot become an Ubergrue, so you'll have to settle for being a fatty.

Birth[edit]

No one knows how Ubergrues are created, although there are several theories concerning it.

  • When a Grue and an Eurg come in contact, the collective pwnage causes them to merge into an Ubergrue. The theory of universal asplosion is a myth created by people who were afraid of Ubergrues. I mean, come on, you think Grues and Eurgs never came in contact? Pfft.
  • An Ubergrue is the offspring of a Grue and an Eurg (this would imply the Grue is the male and the Eurg is the female). This theory was rejected because of the nature of Ubergrues to eat Grues and Eurgs.
  • Ubergrues are immortal and have been around forever. Although it's generally agreed that they are immortal, this fails to explain their increasing population.
  • They are the offspring of Adolf Hitler. However scientists claim this theory as Bullshit.
  • It is said that Tacgnol has created an Ubergrue and maybe even it's opposite before. He has created a few Anti Grues though.

The ubergrue named Dread Cthulhu was apparently the offspring of a whale and a squid; however, scientists suspect that Cthulhu was actually the offspring of a whale, a squid, a grue, and an eurg. That's one crazy orgy.

The Grue God Screwed up (THE REAL STORY)[edit]

When God was high on something, (possibly kittens) he invited Domo-Kun, the most famous Grue,over for a conversation, and while they were talking God decided to create some super Grue that pwns regular grues. Obviously Domo-Kun wasn't happy with this idea, so he left, leaving his species to get pwned by God. God then went to the heavenly pub and drew a prototype. He thought the prototype was kick-ass so he went with it...

But he was wrong. The Ubergrue design is majorly impractical for these 2 main reasons:
1. Their (unnamed) sex organs don't mix well with regular grue's hormones, (see above) if joined in the act of sex, both species of Grue's genes will not mix well, and is unlikely to concieve.
2. Because of their large claw on both hands, they are unable to use guns to snipe humans in the dark as an alternitave option than eating them whole.

Behavior[edit]

Just as Grues eat humans (and to a lesser extent kittens), Ubergrues are so powerful they can even eat Grues. Unfortunately this still doesn't spare you from being eaten by an Ubergrue. If you are fortunate and the Ubergrue is full from eating Grues all day, he won't eat you. He will, however, crush your skull in with his foot so he can come back and eat your rotting corpse later. These corpses are often eaten by Scavenger Grues.

As Grues live in the dark of caves or dungeons and Eurgs live in whatever habitat best suits them at that point in time, Ubergrues can live in both the light and the dark. They cannot be killed with standard Grue-killing or Eurg-killing weaponry, or even extreme sarcasm. They have all the strengths of both Grues and Eurgs, and you cannot become immune to their attacks. This means you are basically screwed. Ubergrues are screwed when they meet Petunia.

What to do When an Ubergrue is After You[edit]

Die. There is a 99.99% chance of the Ubergrue successfully eating you and a 100% chance of death. If, however, an Ubergrue is not after you (which is probably the case since you are not yet dead), there are a few proven methods to kill an Ubergrue.

Ways to kill an Ubergrue[edit]

  • Use Ununoctium against them. Ununoctium is their weakness. But Ununoctium is so insanely high on the periodic table that the only way to get it is through a particle collider, but good luck getting one of those. If by some chance you do get it you need to be fast since ununoctium got a half-life time of about a millisecond. Good luck.
  • Bionicle. The sheer cheesiness, lameness, boredom, extremely horrible jokes they have to explain, and epic amounts of failure will overpower the Ubergrue, causing it to die. This is because the Ubergrue has developed a resistance to bionicle, everything else within a 50 mile radius will die twice. Including you. Make sure it's a movie or comic book, action figures won't work and just cause you to waste money.
  • The T-80 can kill a Ubergrue by activating its flight mode, then land into the Ubergrues faces, the driving around, then flying again, then repeating this process until the Ubergrue tells you that the Chuck Norris Meme is getting old (Which is true), then you fire the cannon at him (Not because he said that Chuck Norris was getting old, just because he wanted to eat you), this will usually work, if it doesn't, then the Ubergrue will sprout out something offending towards Oscar Wilde, in which case you just park on top of the Ubergrue, then hit of the head with a Lead Pipe.
  • The Dread Tiamat is Capable of even killing the fabled Devil-Grue, This ship makes ubergrues into it's bitches every time they meet. It uses capsules filled with win [aka. nukes] to power all of it's weapons, the greatest of which is a beam made of pure EPIC WIN. The only problem is that it belongs to the american empire, which would never give you the keys after that incident with the soviet whorehouse.

Things that cannot kill an Ubergrue[edit]

  • Any human beings. No matter how smart/stupid/strong/weak/good/evil/powerful. Not even celebrities, but we encourage saying otherwise since no one likes them. (Note: This does not include anyone that is related to jib, or Chuck Norris, Kratos or Kenny McCormick)
  • In fact, no one even vaguely resembling a human can kill them.(Note: This does not include anyone that is related to jib, or Chuck Norris, Kratos or Kenny McCormick)
  • Ubergrues cannot kill themselves, or even get paper cuts. Their skin is made of small diamonds (one of the hardest metals)((because, as we all know, diamonds are a form of metal)), unless a large, preferably nuclear weapon is used.
  • Anything of less power than a gigantic nuclear black hole explosion cannot kill an Ubergrue. Gigantic nuclear black hole explosions can, but good luck getting one of those.
  • DON'T misspell the name of the Oobergroo. It just pisses them off until they hunt you down and drag you to hell an-HOLY SHIT!!! GAH!!! MY ARM!!! AAAAAARGH!!!CHEESE!!!! <crunch>

What to do in the extremely likely scenario that you are confronted with the near-mythical Ubergrue that is about to eat you[edit]

  • Die. Yes, that is literally your only option.
  • Summon a God. Like summoning a small child to escape Grues and Eurgs, this will add a few seconds to your life. But given your ability to summon Grues, you should be able to keep doing it over and over until the Ubergrue gets full and crushes your skull. At least you killed some Grues. Provided they don't eat you first, which they probably will. Unless you're on a cliff and you summon Grues over the edge so they fall and cant get to you.
Relative size of Ubergrues, Grues, and humans. Or at least a stick figure, but he's the same size as a human. This image also accurately depicts the food chain.

Comparisons With Other Members of the Grue Family[edit]

  • Ubergrues eat Grues. Ubergrues eat Eurgs. If an Ubergrue meets the Eurg-Itna, since the Eurg-Itna is taking things way too far the Ubergrue will kill it and eat it. Please DON'T disregard the information in the point above. Weird Al found out that it was an idiot who wrote that point down. Weird Al, having the Universe in backup, found out that when an Ubergrue meets the Mega-Gruyurg, the Ubergrue scampers off like a scared kitten. Don't ask me why, no one knows for sure, but it sure made a good choice. The Mega-Gruyurg just mutters to itself, calling the Mega- coward a Stone-headed Coward and trots off somewhere else.

Mythical Variations of Ubergrues[edit]

The discovery of Ubergrues led to several myths about them, however there is only one type of Ubergrue (although many subspecies). Below are the supposed variations of Ubergrue, proven false.


The only known image of an Eurgrebu. Because the person who took this picture died a slow and painful death. No remains of the man left, because no one decided to find the Eurgrebu, atleast the people who are alive.
  • The Eurgrebu. Possibly the most common mythical Ubergrue, this makes no sense. Since Eurgs are the opposite of Grues, a Eurgrebu would logically be the opposite of an Ubergrue. However since Ubergrues are a cross between Eurgs and Grues, the opposite of an Ubergrue would be itself. So therefore all Ubergrues could also be Eurgrebus, however since Ubergrue sounds way cooler we use that name. However, this has a flaw. Grue-combination is not commutative. Eurgrebus = Ubergrues with a cooler color scheme. Legends say that the evil anti opposite of Longcat, Tacgnol, has created a Ubergrue along with a Eurgrebu.

In popular culture[edit]

  • In the computer game Abyss, An Ubergrue is the "final boss", but it has been renamed the "Ultra-Grue" Because clearly Unfocom didn't like the word "Uber".

Famous Ubergrues[edit]

The grim reaper reaper is a famous Ubergrue who kills grim reapers. Domo-kun is a Ubergrue created by the God of the Grues to look like a ordinary Grue, unite all Grue species and sub-species, then lead them against Amy Rose, Chuck Norris, Mr. T, and all other entities that would stand against the resultant Grue Galactic Empire, with Domo-Kun as Emperor Palpagrue, and the Grim Reaper Reaper as Darth Grueder.

Cthulhu is the only ubergrue to ever go to college. It currently resides in its sunken vacation home in R'lyeh.

Garith Hwrang, a blazing red ubergrue, is the only ubergrue that has university degrees. Genetics, Sociology, and Physics. He even took it to the Quantum Physics. This allowed him shape-shift. He's the only one in the entire grue family that doesn't not eat humans... Rather he's a vegetarian.

último Grue[edit]

If you meet this thing, you are eternally screwed. There is only one of its entire kind. It also has only been encountered 5 times. It also only happens to have the abilty of speech in the Latin language. This grue will not eat you when encountered, but will instead use you as its toothpick for eternity(unless you have an IQ below 170); imagine that for eternity. Luckily, however there is one upside of this, the ununoctium in its saliva will turn you immortal. Its saliva was used to create so called "ambrosia" to turn the local farmers in to so called gods in ancient Greece. How they got its saliva is unknown due to the known fact that the último Grue will incinerate everything on an entire planet, Greeks alao have an average IQ of -170(the exact opposite IQ required for being used as an eternal toothpick). So this event that occurred is logically impossible.

It has long been theorized that the último Grue was created between a near impossible merge between an Ubergrue and an Eurgrebu. How this is possible is not known because these two things hate each other, plus the universe would asplode.

It's diet consists of ubergrues, anti grues, eurgs, grues, eurgrebus, Domos, emperors(galactic ones), people with an IQ of 169 0r less, idiots, bakas, n00bs, fools, YOU, Sonic the Hedgehog, Haruhi suzumiyah(if it meets her), the author, mudkips, other Pokemon, Hitler(if it could), Nazis, Germany, moons, entire planets, stars... The list goes on for an insanely long time, and if you are stupid enough to find out, it will take over 9000 years to read (basically they eat almost everything ).

See also[edit]