Uchiha Itachi
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“There seems to be some amniosity between these two brothers.”
~ Captain Obvious on Sasuke Uchiha and Itachi Uchiha
“I'd really prefer Naruto...”
~ Uchiha Sasuke on Uchihacest
Itachi is a ninja from Konoha (you know, the village of leaf fires). Unfortunately, the village was really lame, and he was really EVIL; it never would have worked out between them. The story of their seperation is said to go as follows:
Itachi was the preferred rent-boy of the Uchiha Clan due to his phenomenal sexual prowess and ability to use his Sharingan to copy sexual techniques, even from seedy hentai series such as LA Blue Girl. Meanwhile, his younger brother, Sasuke Uchiha, spent his childhood suffering from barely repressed homosexual tendencies. This, combined with Sasuke's frustration at not being able to use his Sharingan (or his penis), drove him into a depressive incestuous funk that he dealt with by trying to catch up with his brother. He attempted to learn to perform the Katon: Gokakkyu-no-jutsu flame technique that the Uchiha Clan specialised in, but with no pubic hairs to help fuel the blaze was unable to perform it as well as Itachi, whose proficiency with it was so high he used it to remove all his body hair with no adverse effects. Little did Sasuke know that Itachi was deeply bitter about being used as a fuck toy by all the men in the village and one dark night when the moon was full used his new found power of the Manloveyou Sharingan to rape everyone in the Uchiha clan to death.
When little Sasuke ran home later that night he found his parents' slumped on the floor with their asses exploded, seemingly from severe overdose of anal rape. When the culprit stepped out of the shadows it was none other than his own brother Itachi, who admitted to Sasuke that he had obtained the power of the Manloveyou Sharingan only by raping his best friend, Uchiha Shisui, to death. Itachi then used one of the techniques available only to Manloveyou Sharingan users, the Tsuckmeoffi, a genjutsu that allowed Itachi into the mind of the victim and allowed him to rape them in the ass for up to three days straight. After a mere few seconds in this strange world of illusory penetration Sasuke broke down and said now he knew how goatse felt. When he asked Itachi why he would do such horrific things he merely replied "I wanted to test the limits of my penis". Or something like that, Sasuke was very distraught at this point and sunk into a deep state of emo depression...mmm pero lo que nadie sabe es que Zabuza se lo cocha.
