Uchiha Sasuke

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Yep, he's gay.

Sasuke, or Mr. Uchiha as some call him (his imaginary friends) is well known for constantly having a large cloud hoving overhead (believed to be of emo decent) and for being the main character of the "hit" anime series "Naruto". Sasuke has brought a new emo style to the world (a first amongst his gaggle of emo); even though he is a suprisingly loved emo, he returns that love, with hate - like most other emos. The blue streaks in his hair are believed to be natural, since after Itachi killed his family and burned down the house (most likely while plastered) Sasuke has lived face down in a gutter. This gutter he lives in is the envy of all his emo "friends". While fighting he is known to have bloodshot eyes, possibly because he is an underaged drinker, or because his sensei provides him with it in order to get him to go into the sex cave/waffle house. When not being forced into child labor by the "hokage", it is believed he attaches himself to more powerful emos so as to clean their underbellies. His brother (whom he hates, for some crazy reason...) had this to say on the situation "...Sasuke? Who the fuck is that?". He then proceeded to provoke his man-shark, and the man questioning Itachi has yet to return from the vacation Itachi informed us he was on.

Note the bloodshot eyes, idiotic expression, eyebrows still in same position as always... telltale signs of a drunken whore.


His past[edit]

Even though most information on this transgender emo was destroyed in the great fire of last Tuesday, it is believed he spawned from a clan of overbearing fire breathing Dragon Clan members, whom, inbreeding has clearly had a devastating effect on. In his past it was possible that his heart was torn out and shoved into a black and white world of misconception (see Hitler) by his emo-tastic long haired pretty boy brother, Itachi Uchiha. Itachi Uchiha is believed to have an obsession with nail polish, girl-like men, sharks, blonds, and nail polish, which might be the cause of his being placed by Yaoi fan girls in tight corners to have sex (aka fuck) with many male leads, such as Naruto, Sasuke, Sai, and Sakura.

His Relationship with Naraku, uh, I mean, Lord Voldemort, no wait, Orochimaru[edit]

Most people know that Orochimaru is actually a fusion cross between Michael Jackson and Lord Snakey von Voldemort, which explains his paedophilia towards Sasuke and other deranged fleabitten crossdressers. Thus, Sasuke is, for Orochi-roach, the new flavor of the week. Upon being interviewed about this he was in extreme denial, even going as far as to say: "YOU WEIRD TELEMARKETERS STOP CALLING ME!! And no, no sex for you." When Orochimaru was asked about his *ahem* liege, he simply replied: "Well, it's not always good, and I wanted to be on the bottom, but..." Snake translators are still hard at work trying to figure out just WHAT he/she meant by this very VAGUE comment. Note: Soon after Orochimaru and Sasuke broke up(around the same time Naruto broke his funny bone), Sasuke was seen with a naked, watery-looking man called Suigetsu, who could possibly be Kisame and Zabuza's long-lost illegitimate child. They are currently being followed by a scantily clad emo-woman, assumed to be a yaoi fangirl, named Karin, who wants in on the action along with a bisexual psycho named Juugo.