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“A man can be happy with only three things: Crack, Whores, and Cars”

~ Oscar Wilde on Grand Theft Auto III

“...”

~ Claude on GTA III

“Get in the back...ahhh!!”

~ Indian Taxi Driver on GTA III

Grand Theft Auto III is a video game of the Grand Theft Auto franchise, famous for its endorsement of non-violent protest and metaphysical musings. Often the target of Video Game Criticism.

Contents 1 History 2 Setting 3 Plot 4 Gameplay 4.1 Weapons 4.2 Vehicles 4.3 NPCs 4.4 Cheats 4.5 Other Features 5 Special Features 5.1 In-Game Tips 5.2 See also

[edit] History

The Grand Theft Auto franchise began with Grand Theft Auto, a game in which the main character steals Steve Ballmer's car and tries to escape Ballmer's Wrath™. The game was rather one-dimensional; the car travelled in a straight line as long as the player held the accelerator button down. This action continued until either (a) the player released the accelerator button or (b) the car hit a randomized obstacle. Extremely lucky and persistent players could make it to Mexico, dying in a flurry of heroin, prostitutes and Ballmer.

Grand Theft Auto: SE added a bit of versatility to the game. Whereas a baby crawling across the street would cause the car to wreck in the original, in SE the baby would cause a short and minor slowdown. Similarly, certain objects would slow Steve Ballmer down, like people on his hitlist. A player won the game by escaping to heaven; upon Ballmer's entry, God casts him into Hell, where he spends his afterlife Fucking Killing people he already Fucking Killed, Fucking Killing others he wanted to Fucking Kill but didn't, and Fucking Killing people just because.

Developers wanted a new look for Grand Theft Auto II, so they bought the rights to Flatland and called it Grand Theft Auto: 2D. The majority of the game consists of driving narrow isosceles triangles into other geometric shapes. While it is the first title of the franchise where the player can "do lines," in the game it is for the most part a dangerous proposition.

Rockstar then attempted to revolutionize the concept of the first game by allowing players to enter and exit vehicles, steer, use weapons and swear at rising gas prices. Grand Theft Auto III became one of the most significant and awe-inspiring video games of the late 20th century. It was originally released on the PlayStation 2, but when Rockstar realized they could make more money if they ported it to other platforms, they released PC and Xbox versions, not to leave untouched the wallets of console haters and Microsoft loyalists. This proved to be a groovy marketing ploy: the Xbox and PC versions made 35 trillion dollars, while the PS2 version only earned a modest 25 billion dollars. (The Nintendo version is slated for release on the Sintendo in the fourth quarter of 20X6.)

[edit] Setting

Grand Theft Auto III is set in the booming metropolis of Liberty City, a real city on America's east coast. Nerds had speculated that it would be set in the fictional city of New York (which until that time had only existed in the Wilde World of television). Liberty City is known for its rich, ethnic heritage, good drivers, and a complete lack of any trace of crime whatsoever, all of which are portrayed in the game with total accuracy. While travelling, players can visit any one of the various neighborhoods including the Docks, City Hall, the Lazer-Tag District and many Police Stations many times.

Players may also visit the Underworld (mutants) and Bizarro-Underworld as well as the suburbs of Liberty City (patrolled by packs of militant Soccer moms) and the nearby country of Little America.

[edit] Plot

Players control a lovable character with no name, identity or personality, apart from the necessary compunction to kill people. The avatar's blank personality allows players to project the facets of their own personality (fictional or repressed), a major incentive for nerds and geeks to buy the game. He has incredible strength, enabling him to carry dozens of guns, tons of ammunition (including ammunition discharged by NPCs) and enjoys the lack of a male refractory period (a mega bonus).

The player advances through the game by completing missions that seem to serve no purpose other than to give your employer a jolly good laugh. Each mission is split into objectives, the first of which is to visit Hindquarters, where you will be taken into Q's secret laboratory. Q will provide you with the awesome gadgetry you will require to complete the mission. From there the goals may vary from killing a person to killing more people to killing a person within a time limit. Oh, the possibilities!

[edit] Gameplay

Players usually start out on foot. From there they can usually run up to a car and pull the driver out thanks to a magic device which allows them to unlock car doors from the outside (the Master Key). Because the legislators of Liberty City believe in the right of citizens to bear arms, weapons are beamed down to various teleportation units throughout the city. You can get a weapon before or after you steal a car. If you have a car you can run down people on the way. Hitting people with cars is fun. Shooting people with weapons while inside a car is fun, too. It's good to have a car. Running makes you tired.

Was that a police siren? They like running people over and shooting at people almost as much as you will. They usually try to hurt you. Probably because you're stealing all their fun. You can tell how much fun you're having by the police meter. Oh, bullets are not fun if they're in you. If you get hurt too much you get resurrected. And you lose some stuff, I think. I dunno. I usually do a dance and turn invisible invincible. Or get a ton of weapons. If you do the right dance you can make the game think you're not having any fun and the police will leave you alone. It doesn't work against Ultra Jesus, though. I wish there was a code to make Ultra Jesus go away.

[edit] Weapons

• This one time I hit a hooker with a baseball bat.
• Ooh, and the Colt .45. It reminds my ass of Samuel L. Jackson, for some reason.
• Was the katana in this one or Vatican City? Katanas are like the coolest swords ever.
• You could use a pistol, but you can't kill a lot of people fast with a pistol.
• I think Shotguns are pretty cool. Actually, it was probably Lego Island.
• Is there an AK-47 in this game? I think there's one in every game. They're pretty cool.
• Uzis shoot a lot of people fast. They were in some movies too, I think.
• Oh yeah, flamethrowers! Watching people run around on fire is pretty funny.
• I remember explosions.
• Speaking of explosions, I had this wicked cool rocket launcher called a supercannon that made really BIG explosions & could destroy a whole bunch of tanks in one hit!!!
• Now that I think about it, it was Grand Theft Cosmo.
• I'm pretty sure there were ducks....lots of ducks
• Did you think the only weapons were things you carried in your hand? Try drowning yourself!
• You can also use a rocket launcher that shoots exploding laser chainsaws that also shoots ninja stars that explode and emits napalm
• The Suicide Claude, a timebomb device you can strap to your manhood and run out to your target with it ticking.

[edit] Vehicles

• You want a really fast car. Very fast cars Pwn. Badly. Fast cars drive slower than slow cars.
• Speaking of fast cars, the police car is the fastest vehicle in the game! You can even disguise yourself as a cop as long as you don't do anything stupid!
• You can hijack an ambulance. This one time I got in the ambulance and ran over the EMTs. It was pretty funny.
• Someone told me I could get the Batmobile, but it was really just the penis-shaped car from The Ambiguously Gay Duo. It was pretty ghey.
• If you do the right dance you can make a tank fall out of the sky. Because God loves you that much. He wants you to kill the sinners. Should this be under weapons?
• Cars don't drive underwater. I found this out the hard way.
• Theres a boat but no one likes the boat because it is ghey.
• There was a plane but it didn't do what planes are supposed to do. It spent more time in the water than in the air.
• I once found the Popemobile!
• The Mach 5 can be unlocked when you become the girlfriend of Trixie and fuck her. It can be found in her crack

[edit] NPCs

• You can kill pretty much anyone in this game that isn't in a cut scene.
• I think there are some gay guys. They run pretty funny.
• The fat guys run pretty funny, too.
• You can pick up a handy nurse with your car. She can perform surgery on you. I don't think she uses painkillers because the guy keeps rocking the car.
• Sometimes you shouldn't kill someone, because it might ruin the mission. But you might be able to kill him afterward. I don't know, I usually don't do the missions.
• Oh, I forgot about Ultra Jesus. You can't kill the son of God.
• Shooting up old people in this game can be very entertaining :)
• If you look really hard at the cutscene in mission 13, you can see Chuck Norris kicking people

[edit] Cheats

To activate these, shout the relevant word or phrase at your television in a German accent while pointing a gun at it.

• abduction - A mega cool space ship comes from the sky and sucks you up through its hole. Terrific!!!!!!!!!!!
• area51 - all cops & cop cars become soldiers & military trucks.
• atlanta - crime rate goes up
• biohazard - spawn NBC protection suit
• blowthebloodydoorsoff - bigger explosions
• bulletbelt - infinite ammo
• buttsex - everyone is turned into homos
• chernobyl - massive radioactive fallout
• chucknorris - Nothing can kill you. At all. Not even with a nuke. Or 3. You Pwn everything else from cars to grannies with your Norris chop.
• crockettntubbs - all cops & cop cars become undercover cops & Ford Gran Torinos
• cobainrulez - suicide
• davidzed - start doing the robot dance, along with the song "Robot" by David Zed being played.
• diehard - John McClayne and his Police drones come to arrest you and using his memorable phrase he causes you to get shot by 300 sniper rifles who are owned by Red-Necks.
• dirtyharry - cops & other law enforcement personnel attack gang members
• dissection - A Hippy asks you for a lighter but you do not have one so he grabs you and pushes into a black hole. Next thing you know you have a scalpel knife in your head and your ear drum is ringing! Yey!!!
• discoisdead - deactivate all disco dance related cheats
• discosucks - people will attack you if you are seen disco dancing
• dschinghiskhan - everyone starts doing the Moskau dance (the Moskau song starts playing as well)
• errhuh - pedestrians become Elvis
• getouttahere - wanted level 0
• glocester - crime rate goes down
• god - invincibility
• hiroshima - nuclear explosion
• hondo - all cops & cop cars become SWAT team members & SWAT vans
• hoover - all cops & cop cars become FBI agents & FBI vehicles (Crown Vics & Suburbans)
• iddqd - NO armor, NO money, NO wepons, Doomguy kills you
• ihatetomatoes - spawn Ford Gran Torino
• imgay - a million dollars, all weapons and armor
• imgayandimhappyifyouknowit - spawn five men that want to fuck you
• imjonesinforafunbag - your homies become hot girls
• indianajones - Harrison Ford appears in Indiana Jones outfit and starts to whip people. Kill him to get his weapon.
• ilookatshemale - your homies become bisexual
• ilookatgrannypornopages - spawns a vibrator
• ilovethisgame - your console suddenly shut down and your game-disc is vanished from the tray and you can't buy that game anymore.
• iwatchmygrandmainthebath - spawn a fake dick (when you squeeze it, the mission gets accomplished.. and it's interesting to play with)
• iwanttomeetmichaeljackson - Nobody knows. Everybody's scared of this cheat.
• lollipopy - Your character turns into a giant lollipop and the city is made of giant marshmallows.
• lordofwar - everyone is armed
• lordoftherings - The fellowship arrives on a pimped up Ent which offer you protection for the One Rings safety, they have laser guns and cuddly teddy bears which are a nice attraction with the ladies.
• mariomadness - Your clothes are now overrals and a red shirt. Your hair is covered with a red "M" cap. All of your weapons are replaced with giant white gloves that shoot out fireballs, plus, you can jump really, really high
• myhandisonmyjohnson - your homies become gays
• nchtsddd - turn off all cheats
• noonelikesme - maximum wanted level
• oohstopit - spawn five girls who want to give you fellatio.
• pwned - causes a Rockstar employee to come to your house and give you a swift kick in the balls.
• ramborulez - all cops & cop cars become commandos & tanks
• rambosucks - gang members attack law enforcement personnel
• reset50 - all cops & cop cars return to normal
• ripoffblue - spawn cop car
• ripoffwhite - spawn ambulance
• ripoffred - spawn firetruck
• ripoffpurple - spawn SWAT van
• ripoffblack - spawn FBI Suburban
• ripoffgreen - spawn army truck
• sonofabitchgethimboys - everyone attacks you
• throwmeafrickinbonehere - activate all cheats in cheat menu
• traitortraitor - automatically surrender
• vanmccoy - everyone starts to Do the Hustle, & the accompanying song starts playing
• wehatemario - civilians attack gang members
• yeahwhite - you become more black
• yayas - girls have larger tits; entering 50 times causes a buffer overflow
• yohomies - all cops & cop cars become gang members & gang vehicles
• popescar - spawn Popemobile

[edit] Other Features

• They have these fake radio stations, I think. I usually play my own music. They're okay. Except for WSTH, it's this underground station in the Underworld that plays nothing but Stairway to Heaven.
• They have these garages where you can have your car repaired/painted at so the police laugh at you. I just use the code.
• Sometimes you can enter the buildings, but they are very dark and you are likely to be eaten by a Grue.
• You can convert to different religions by doing the correct missions for them. Oh, if you convert to Judaism, you can kill Ultra Jesus. I usually don't do the missions, though. I wish there was a code to make Ultra Jesus go away. He always comes into my apartment at, like, 3 am and asks if I have any veleveta. and I say "god, shut up! Freakin' idiot."

[edit] Special Features

Grand Theft Auto was the first and last game in the GTA series to provide support for the popular but infamous Nads Shock Force Feedback device. A legal dispute with the manufacturers of Nad Shock resulted in them pulling support for GTA from their drivers. One user gets serious burns and they try and sue us.

[edit] In-Game Tips

• Don't buy this game at Future Shop because everything there is so overpriced
• Use cheats(Especially the Chuck Norris and Mario cheats)
• Don't buy this or any other game, download it with crack, it's a lot cheeper. (Serbian old skul way)

[edit] See also

• Grand Theft Reindeer
• Grand Theft Cosmo
• Grand Theft Auto Lego Island
• Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas
• Grand Theft Auto: Vatican City
• Grand Theft Auto: Venice

Grand Theft Auto
Games
The Lost Games	Lego Island | Cosmo | Poop City | Tatooine | Television City | Television City 2 | Television City 3 - The Wrath Of Dob | Borat vs Bush
Grand Theft Auto III era	III | San Andreas | Advance | San Andreas Stories | Bikini Bottom Stories
Grand Theft Auto: We're Running Out of Ideas era	New Zealand | Toronto | Hill Valley | Theft Under A Thousand | Sunnyvale Trailer Park | Baghdad | Beirut | New Orleans | Vatican City | Vatican City Stories | Springfield | Australia | Antarctica | Grand Theft Auto: Somalia
Currently in Production	Afghanistan | Baghdad Stories | Germany | Jerusalem | Norway | Philippines | Santiago | Venice |
Non-canonical	Grand Theft Audio | Grand Theft Election: Bush v. Gore