UnDebate:Should women rap?
For years since the release of songs such as Cleaning Out My Closet, rapping women have been bothering our minds. However, as is often the case with such ethical issues, after several reported cases of women's rap songs becoming hits and of women winning rap battles against men, the subject itself soon became a taboo.
But all questions should be asked at some point, and the debate we are happy to host today is of historical significance, as it will finally determine which way sex equality will go and which way it certainly won't. This is why, ladies and gentlemen--or just gentlemen, because I don't see many ladies out there--I would like to ask you to make up your minds:
Should women rap?
Don't get me wrong - I am not prejudiced against women. Oh, I forgot to introduce myself - my name is Margaret.
But in my opinion, having a limit to sex equality would only be sensible. Tell me, for instance, what's the use of giving men the right to abort, if they won't make anything out of it? Some things are only fit for women, and some - only for men.
I am not even talking about the social impact this tendency of women rapping might have. If a wife and a mother can rap, then why can't her children? Do you realize that by a simple action of allowing our female citizens to create rap music, you are giving birth to irreversible destruction of all possible cultural borders? Now, what about children's right to consume alcohol and watch horror movies? Perhaps you'll even say they should listen to Eminem?
Sorry, m'am, but we aren't talking about infant rappers here. That's a whole other story, which I am not going to get into, or I'll lose you entirely.
So you're asking me whether I think women should rap? First of all, let me tell you, the way this is phrased is simply wrong. What kind of answer do you want? "Yes, they must rap, every single day of their lives"?
[Sudden intervention from the audience: a man, wearing a red T-shirt and a red mustache stands up and declares: "That's exactly what I would like to say. All men and women shall attend rap music class three times each week, and shall be required to create exactly two rap songs each month. Like that our government will provide rap music to everyone, depending on their needs and we'll have an ideal society!"]
Khem-khem. So what was I talking about? Oh, yes, women! That topic has always fascinated me, since I was a...
Must women rap?
Mr. What's-your-name, let's not get into your frustrated childhood memories either.
However, I am in full agreement with my adversary concerning one point, Mr. Chairman. Instead of "Should women rap" the topic should have been something like "The phenomenon of women rapping and one hundred good reasons to stop it".
Once again, you, male chauvinists, are trying to force us into another sexist chore. First, you need us to be housewives, next we are refused good wages and now we should rap for you? Enough is enough. You'll need a lot more than one woman to obey all of these orders! Why are harems still illegal in this country, I wonder?
[At this point, men in the audience are heard exclaiming: "Why indeed?" and "One wife bad, four wives good!"]
I can't believe my ears!
You are trying to alter a topic of a debate in your favor during the debate itself, offending all of our male population, proposing to go against our fundamental laws on marriage, throwing away clichés about Middle Eastern culture and even correcting the chairman? Are you going to start quoting what the Lord says in his Bible to prove your points as well?
[At this turning point, a middle-aged man takes out a paperback copy of the Holy Scripture and a gun out of his bag, then quickly puts back the latter and starts sweeping through the pages of the former.
After a while he finally judges that others have waited for long enough and declares: "No, nowhere in the most holy Bible are women encouraged to rap. And, as you know, what is not explicitly allowed is forbidden. That's why it would most certainly go against God’s word to allow women to rap. Instead, we need to grant large corporations tax cuts in exchange for the development of rap music of the men, by the men and for the men."
Everyone applauds. Mr. What's-his-name pauses for a moment, then continues.]
I start wondering what I am still doing here, debating with ignorance personified! Only the fifty-dollar bill that I can feel in the left pocket of my trousers prevents me from simply walking out of this hall! I swear I would have benefited more from listening to another You Can't Play With My...
Can women not rap?
Yes. Wait, what?
You, the reasonable part of our female population, how are you not outraged at those words? First, women must rap; now, they must not! What is this? The New York Convention of imposing new rights on women and removing them?
If men want to rap, let them do it, given that they don't harm anyone in the process. But don't allow them to transfer their insanity onto us. There are still a few reasonable beings left on this planet and they are all currently being sacrificed to that political apparatus willing to satisfy men's most perverted desires.
Have you ever heard a woman rap, I wonder? I am asking you, what good husband (assuming that one exists) would let his wife do that?
[Confused cries from the audience. The dominant phrases include: "I would", "I would not", "I know a guy who would", "What's wrong with a woman rapping?" and "Who wants a toaster? Almost free! Not more than 100$... Who wants a free toaster?"]
I assume your primitive rhetorics don't need a response, but even if they did, I am afraid that our perceptions of an ideal husband are somehow different. For instance, I wouldn't let my wife do a public debate in such an outfit. Just saying.
[Margaret can no longer control herself. She takes off both of her grey boots and throws them into the face of her opponent. The same happens to her grey scarf, which resembles a dead fox; grey coat, which resembles a grey coat; and, in the end, a shapeless grey hat, which resembles nothing at all.
She then triumphantly leaves the town hall, followed by numerous admirers (mostly male). Mr. Smith announces, with an expression of defeat on his face:]
She beat me here. I admit it entirely. What a woman!
[And, after taking some time to observe the rest of his listeners, by that time almost entirely composed of women, he leaves as well.]
The chair announces:
He throws a look into the audience just to make sure that this key moment of the debate is going to receive due attention from everyone, but notices only one sleeping man, who is immediately woken up by the silence, stands up and goes out without making a sound.
The chair finds it sensible to guard the suspense for the next time and is soon enough joining the man.
Extra material for those willing to investigate the matter further
The overview of global positions on the subject of woman rappers
|FAIL| Of course women should rap. It is a basic right and duty to which all women are entitled, regardless of sex. We should even encourage this. It will increase jobs and will most likely promote small businesses for women rappers, in turn boosting our economy and decreasing the unemployment.||FAIL|
|FAIL| To make a law for or against women rapping would be to take away a basic human liberty. Whoever wants to rap should be allowed to rap.||FAIL|
|FAIL| Our nation shall unite against those vile beings who dare befoul our pure language, and we shall not rest until our land is rid of all rappers, male or female!||FAIL|
|FAIL| Yes, I heard that women rapped, but have you asked yourselves: are they doing enough of it? Why should men be forced to rap all the time? We already accomplish the hard, menial tasks, like watching television and drinking beer. Can a normal woman do that? I don't think so. Women are so hypocritical: first asking for equal rights and then doing nothing about them when they finally get them. So no, they shouldn't do it.||FAIL|
- The sponsor of this debate, the Man's Society of Exotic Wild Birds, points out several facts:
- The number of ostrich rappers has been stagnant over the course of the last few centuries, being almost the triple of woman rappers, both quite null.
- During the twentieth century the situation changed entirely. A rapping woman could enter CD stores, books and essays on American culture, while an ostrich, whether rapping or not, could not.
- Nowadays, with Mrs. Minaj and all her potions'n pills, nobody talks about culture anymore. The positive aspect is that the number of women contributing to that movement has by far surpassed this same number amongst ostriches.